I feel loved

My phone rings.......

"Hello?"

"Hi Jenn! I'm at the student mass, thought I'll call you to ask how are you doing...."

"Haiyo, it takes a student mass for you to remember me ah?"

"No lah, suddenly just felt like calling you. So hows life? What are you doing now?"

"Surfing the net, going to mass later, so i guess you will be meeting me..."

"WHAT???? I thought you are in Penang!"

"I'm back here for the mass."

"Ghee...why did i bother to call? Waste my credit only...."

"Grin...hehehhehee..."

I was amused by the call. Actually I was happy to recieve the call. Happy to be remembered.

HAVE A NICE SUNDAY!

My papa

Papa retired from serving the government when I was only three years old. As a kid, I got to spend a lot of time with papa. Everywhere papa went, I tagged along. I was very much attached to him; he was actually my companion at home because mummy was too busy with the housework. Mummy was also fierce while papa was always easygoing so I usually opted to cling on to papa.

One of my daily routine with papa was to comb his hair. I loved it each time he finished his bath or woke up from his afternoon naps. Papa would sit at the edge of the bed in front of the mirror while I climbed on the bed to comb his hair, he was my doll. I took pride in decorating him. I took my own sweet time to play and comb his hair according to my choice of style and he would let me be (of course he would privately re-comb his hair if I did a bad job).

Years went by and I grew up. I stopped combing his hair. Yesterday afternoon, papa came out from his room. He looked frustrated. He had difficulty shaving. I looked at my aged papa. I wanted to be the little Jenny who used to comb his hair again but of course, my eighty year old papa did not have much hair on his head for me to comb anymore.

This morning, I offered to shave papa. He did not hesitate. I found his shaver, sat him down and shaved him. It was not easy actually, I tried my very best to be gentle, I did not want to cut him. After shaving him, I offered to trim his hair and he agreed. I gave papa a new look within half and hour. Once again, I took pride for the new look I gave my papa. He was satisfied, so was mummy. The satisfaction I had was pretty much similar to how I felt 20 ++ years ago, the only difference would be that little Jenny was no more that little and this time, I did not need papa to carry me down from the bed after I was done with his head.

(papa then when I was 3, papa and myself 2 days before his 80th Birthday)

I will look after you

10 Jan 08

I was leaving for Kuala Lumpur in the afternoon. While having breakfast, Papa asked me when I was coming back to Penang.

“Next week” I said.
His eyes opened wide “So fast?”
“Yes papa, I am coming back to stay with you”
“Oh that’s good. You should, I’ll be looking forward to that” He looked serious when he said that.
“How long will you be here?”
“Papa, I’m going to come back permanently to stay with you!”
“You mean you got transferred to come back?”
“No papa, I’m no more working in KL.”
“Oh, so you are no more working for the Church?”
“No papa, I have stopped working for the Church.”
“It’s ok, don’t worry about that.

I did not know what to respond. I was not worried about not working for the Church actually; I was more worried that I did not have a job and income.

“So have you found a job?”
“I don’t know papa, we’ll see when I come back”
“Oh, don’t worry about that.”

I looked at papa, I was confused actually.

“Don’t worry about getting a job. Take your time. I have enough money to support you. I am very happy that you are coming back to stay, I look forward to that.”

Papa has Alzheimer but I think he was serious with his words this time. My papa has always been a man of few words. Rarely expressing himself, though he has his own wishes and expectations, he usually kept it to himself.

Since he had Alzheimer, he has aged a lot. He has expressed two things which have touched me deeply. The first thing would be how precious mummy is to him, he has always mentioned that he would have been buried by now if it was not for mummy and that he is grateful that mummy has been with him all this while. The second thing is his desire to see us visit him more often. “Come more often” he would say each time we bade him goodbye.

Sometimes I wished papa had expressed himself more. I rarely put in much effort when it came to papa because I thought he never cared butI guess he did care, he only never mentioned.

Foolish me

I sit
I wait
I wish
I hope
I dream

I want
I crave
I desire
I yearn
I long

Foolish me

Why

I am hurt and sad

You are afraid,
You are avoiding me.

Why are you doing this?
To me
To yourself
I cannot understand.

You are running away
You think you are happier that way
I see your mask
I see your fear

I can’t do much but only pray
I pray you’d stop running
I hope to see your true happy face again

Will you be my friend?
Will you just let me be your friend?

I miss you dear friend.

I'll be home for Christmas

22nd Dec 07

Today, I’m leaving for Penang. I’m shifting the majority of my things today. Though I’ll be back soon, many have started to give me farewell gifts. Some big, some small but all are precious to me.

I’ve been working for three years with the students. They come, they go. Some bid farewell before they leave while others don’t. For those three years, I was the one who bade farewell to them. This time, it was different. It was them who bade farewell to me and indeed I’m touched by their gestures. Some have given me really lovely cards while others have sent me very touching smses. Reading those lovely messages, I strongly believe that my three years with the ministry was worth it.

Today, I received four very touching gifts. The first gift was a little goodie bag filled with a Christmas tree, a little keychain and finally toothpaste and toothbrush. Yes it was a gift from one of the dental students. The second gift was handed by the dental students of XHRC and Pris. It was a Jamie Oliver recipe book. Tears almost flowed out when I opened the gift. It was the prefect gift. I had always wanted to buy it but could not afford it. Little did I expect it to be eventually a gift from these students. My third gift of the day was also a recipe book on Indian Cuisine from my boss. I also loved that book and my final gift came from my lil monster. She gave me a little note book with bible quotations, for me to write my recipes in. Though my stay in XHRC was only half a year, I guess memories of this place will be carried along with me for many more years to come.

I leave this place with fond memories yet there is one regret. My departure has actually damaged my relationship with someone who is very dear to me. As the day of my departure drew nearer, this person avoids me more and the cut in my heart becomes deeper. What has happened between this person and myself hurts me a lot. I wished to spend more time with her before I leave but it has instead turned otherwise. I wish my journey over here did not have to end this way. I wish I knew too why she behaved this way. If it was a mode of self protection then I wonder why she had to do that. Would it not be better to cherish the present, to live the very best out of it?

Nevertheless, I’m grateful to all those who have made a difference in my life, for those beautiful and kind words written and said to me……I appreciate them all.

Expecting a Surprise

Expecting a Surprise

Each day holds a surprise. But only if we expect it can we see, hear, or feel it when it comes to us. Let's not be afraid to receive each day's surprise, whether it comes to us as sorrow or as joy. It will open a new place in our hearts, a place where we can welcome new friends and celebrate more fully our shared humanity.

Henri Nouwen

I'm home in Penang, am abit handicap without my computer. Inspirations came but did not have the computer with me, so have not been writing much for this blog. Neverthless....

HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!

Christmas five days away......

Give Love on Christmas Day

People making lists, buying special gifts,

It's a time to be kind to one and all

It's that time of year when good friends are dear

And you wish you could give more

Than just presents from a store

Why don't you give love on Christmas day [on Christmas day]

Oh even the man who has everything

Would be so happy if you would bring

Him love on Christmas day [on Christmas day]

No greater gift is there than love

People you don't know smiling out hello

Everywhere there's an air of Christmas joy

It's that once a year, when the world's sincere

And you'd like to find a way

To show the things that words can't say

Why don't you give love on Christmas day [on Christmas day]

The man on the street and the couple upstairs

All need to know that there's one cares

Give love on Christmas day [Christmas day]

No greater gift is there than love

What the world needs is love

Yes the world needs your love

Why don't you give love on Christmas day [on Christmas Day]

Oh every little child on Santa's knee

Has room for your love underneath his tree

Give love on Christmas day [Christmas day]

No greater gift is there than love

What the world needs is love

Yes the world needs your love

Give love on Christmas day [Christmas day] ...

Her confirmation name is Ann, today she celebrates her 23rd Birthday. This girl, I got to know since I moved into Xavier Hall. She is a very nice and sweet girl to have as a friend. No doubt, there are certain things in her that I can’t stand but I guess the positive attitude that she has towards others overpowers her negative points.

I like her yet words can’t describe why. It just feels so comfortable to be with her. I feel secure and cared for every time I’m with her. Thank you Ms. Yap for being such a lovely friend, thank you for sharing your bayam soups with me and of course for loaning me your bike. May our friendship continue to bloom in our little glutton’s paradise where the pearl of the orient is.

Happy Birthday my dear Ms Yap, may God bless you abundantly with many more happy years to come.

(Ms Yap with all the nice people in XHRC)

Angry me

If you like to menumpang only,
You are not invited into my life
I don’t mind doing you favors
But it has to be because I want to.

If you are my friend
Only because you see me useful,
Don’t come near me.
I am not user friendly

I am your friend because I really want to
I help you because I love you
I stand by you because I am willing to
And I’d go out of the way because you are my friend.

But if you think I’m instant,
Convenient, easy to use and economical,
Bug off then you parasite.
I’m not strong enough to be gracious……

I needed space, I had to let it out or it would be eating into me. So, I wrote this. I felt used. I thought it was friendship but suddenly I realized that I was a friend because I could provide all the benefits that that person needed. I’m exhausted from being a superwoman. The simple and easygoing Jenn who would tolerate with any kind of nonsense.

I wished I had.....

I was abit moody a few days ago, some things had been eating into me. I snapped. All I could think of that particular person was negative. I did not know how to respond to the person. I felt that I was being taken for granted. I had expectations which was not met. And so, I snapped and reacted, I was harsh and I guess I cut the person deep with my words. Each time I sent a harsh message to the other person, I felt good, I felt satisfied and the person did not argue back.

I woke up the very next day, feeling lousy and ashamed. Ashamed of my behaviour, ashamed of my actions. I wish I had not used those hurtful words, I wish I had not been so direct. I'm in pain right now. I have not seen the person since I sent those nasty smses. I tried to apologize but the responses I got has been pretty polite ones. I've done it again. I should not have done it but I did it.

Am I going to be forgiven? I don't know. The point that I've hurt someone's feelings hurt me and the point that I'm not forgiven hurts me deeply too.

(Penang)

Why Celebrate Birthdays?

Today we had a mini celebration for the December born babies in the house. Some people opted not to come. One resident messaged me saying that she was not joining the rest and she does not care of what others will think of her. She is just worried that I will get mad if she did not come.

Why do we celebrate people’s birthday? Why do we go for people’s birthday party? Personally for me, whenever I go for a birthday celebration, it is because I love that particular friend and I want to celebrate his / her birthday. And I will put in effort to give that person my birthday wishes, may it be in a form of gift, cake or card. I will buy the best gift, the best cake or the best card for the person. I will not get things for my friend because it is convenient or just because I have to because I do not want to disappoint my friend, or because I have a reputation to maintain.

If I have no feelings towards that person, I don’t see the reason why I should celebrate their birthday. For me, celebrating one’s birthday is an expression of our love and concern towards that person, a birthday celebration is not for show. It would be hypocritical if a birthday celebration is organized because there was an expectation for it to be organized and not because we ourselves wanted to do it.

Was I mad with those who did not join in the celebration? Perhaps they did not know their housemates well enough to want to care, to share and to celebrate. ….indeed, it is such a shame, but it is also a personal choice, we can’t change it, we can only influence. I was not mad, I was disappointed, yes. I was sad.

Who is saved?

I was having a conversation with somebody. She shared that she was glad to be a Christian, being a Christian has thought her to see more in life. As a Christian, she realizes that there’s so much more to do in life. Our conversation continued and somehow we came to this topic of whether non believers were saved.

If you do not believe in Christ, will you still be saved? To me, God created the world and loved everything that He created. When the world was in darkness and beyond redemption, He sent Christ to be with us, to change the world and to bring us salvation and hope. Christ came for all, He died on the cross for every man may it be believer or non believer. All man was called to one and the same destiny, of which is divine.

My understanding of God is that He is ever forgiving and because of that, He would not forsake any creature that He created. I believe that every person who is ignorant of the Gospel of Christ but seeks the truth and does the will of God in accordance to their understanding of it will be saved. To me, the sin is greater when a person claims to be a believer of Christ and yet behave unruly and ruins the peace, hope and love within society. If only those who believe in Christ are saved, then what happens to unbaptized children and infants who die before they are baptized? It would be very cruel for God to not accept them into His kingdom right?

Even though I believe that salvation is for non believers too, I think baptism and conversion is still very much necessary. Baptism is God’s grace and it is through baptism that we are renewed. Baptism brings us closer to God. As believers, we are thought to live in accordance to the scriptures, through our practice of faith plus regular prayers, we are brought closer to God......so will non believers be saved? In my opinion, yes and I am happy to be a Christian because my faith has brought me closer to Him, to be aware of His presence in my life.

(Ever wondered what happens to us when we die?)

A little western Christmas Joke to share..........western because no snow here in Malaysia mah....

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Dabai anyone?

The Fruit
The Seed
Within the seed

This is Dabai, I first tasted dabai this Chinese New Year when I was in Sarawak. I did not really appreciate it initially but as I took more of it, I acquired a liking towards it. Dabai is only found in Sarawak, particularly in Sibu. According to an article, the dabai tree is planted mostly along the Rejang River. Some people describe Dabai as the Sarawakian Olive. I can’t really commend on that as I have yet to taste the real fresh olive but I do believe that there is some truth in it.

Dabai has a unique taste, like durian, you either love it or hate it. The flesh is lemak (creamy) and yes I think it is fattening. For most people, the best part of the fruit lies in the seed. The seed is like a nut, you need to crack it to eat it’s content and it’s simply delicious. The only setback is that the seed is pretty hard to crack, therefore patience is needed.

Like nuts, every mouth of dabai is precious to me. Firstly, it’s only found in Sarawak therefore it’s very rare for us here in Peninsular and secondly, it’s seasonal, therefore I will only get to eat the fruit if I go to Sarawak at the right time of the year.

Thanks to Siaw Wee, I got to taste dabai again hahaha

Anger Management Needed....

Somebody was angry at me, and she refused to talk to me. I was unaware that she was angry at me, I only felt that she was behaving weirdly, never had I suspected that the culprit was me.

Her friend told me why she was angry at me; I was shock to know the reason. I thought only primary school girls had such tempers. I could not believe my ears. I had no reason to feel sorry or guilty for making her angry as I did not see myself doing anything wrong. Even her clique of friends laugh at her reason yet she stays firm with her decision to be angry.

Her anger towards me has grown to be stronger. She rebels against me and it hurts. I don’t know how to respond. I love her, but I’m hurt. Her rebellious ways is like a disease, it is eating into others and I have to put a stop to it. How am I going to do it? I really don’t know…..pride and stubbornness, one of the most challenging characteristics to deal with.

When two or three are gathered.....

I have mixed feelings over tonight’s dinner. I roasted a chicken tonight together with the usual potato and green peas with salad. My main dish, the chicken was not as tasty as I expected it to be. Perhaps I did not put enough “kayu manis” that’s why it was not good enough.

Nevertheless, I found today’s dinner pretty much significant. My guests were students from different cliques and they came together as one to enjoy this meal. There was Isaac, a student whom I got to know better when Cibol was the KLCC President, then there was Raphael, the backbone behind CSS Uniten, a very old friend of mine since CSS days, there was Fiona, the present KLCC president, Dora my ex-housemate and CSSUPM member, Siaw Wee XHRC resident and of course Marcos also XHRC resident from Myanmar. Though everyone did not know everyone too well, we managed to enjoy each other’s company and our meal lasted for 1 ½ hours.

Food was not great but company was wonderful, and I was a happy girl alright. I guess these are the things I’m gonna miss when I go back to Penang.

(My guests for dinner and the menu)

Lets Bake It!

I am still coughing, I don’t like it, it hurts my throat and it’s definitely very irritating to cough a lot. My consolation is that I got an oven. Leslie took it from home for me to use. So yesterday Isaac (my baking partner) and I decided to bake cakes. He baked a Chocolate Cake of which we named “Shitty Shit” and I baked “Sugee Suzy”. It was actually a pretty tiring evening for both of us as we had a long day with the CSS MSU+PTPL students.

Isaac’s “Shitty Shit” was not too difficult to bake as he bought the instant cake mix from the supermarket. It was so easy to prepare. All he had to do was to add eggs into the cake mix and mix it well. He did it so quickly that I did not even get to see him do it.

While we waited for his cake to bake in the oven, I did “Sugee Suzy”. Sugee Suzy needed a lot more effort. 1stly, we had to weigh the ingredients, then to cream the butter, sugar and sugee before we left it to stand for one hour. While waiting, I got Fiona to beat the egg whites till it was stiff (it was definitely not easy so much so that I think Fiona will think twice before she tries to bake). After that, we added the egg whites, with egg yolks, brandy (yes the essential ingredient), flour and vanilla.

We finished baking at nearly 12 midnight. Isaac’s “shitty shit” tasted not too bad. I have yet to taste Sugee Suzy but I suspect it’s a little bit too sweet. Anyway, Sugee Suzy has been given to Suzy (yes I named the cake after her), Isaac and Carol as Christmas present I hope they like it.

(Isaac drooling over his invention and "Sugee Suzy")

Tip..tap..tay

It’s been raining all day
I sit and listen to the raindrops fall
Tip…tap…tay…tip…tap…tay
I wondered if you’d call.

I miss you
I miss your presence
I miss your voice
I miss you being here

It’s still raining
Raindrops still falling
Tip…tap…tay…tip…tap…tay
Will you call?
I hope you will

Going nuts

I go crazy over nuts and only those who know me well will know it. If you want me to like a fruit cake, it must have nuts, chocolates with nuts makes me happy, cakes with lots of almonds satisfy me and oh yes, ice creams with nutty toppings delights me.

My only problem is that, this nut business is a little bit expensive to maintain. The average price for a packet of 120gram mixed nuts is around RM 7.50. And because of this, I need to abstain from eating it. Every bite that I get on a nut becomes so precious.

Leslie knows that I love nuts though he might not understand why. Each time we do grocery shopping, I’ll go to the nut section to check out the price, hoping for some special promotion to take place.

This morning, when he came over, he handed me a very unattractive plastic bag. I asked him what it was and he said it was food lorr. When I opened it, I could not believe my eyes, 2 packets of mixed nuts, just for me. HE BOUGHT ME NUTS! Leslie bought me nuts! Unbelievable, ghee…I feel loved…….I am still sick, but I could not resist it, I’ve opened one packet already and yes, I’m rationing my intake of these nuts, so that I won’t finish them too soon. Hahahaha!

Now how do I like my nuts? Well….firstly, I like it pure, unsalted and FRESH! I also like nuts that are still unopened, still in it’s shell. Cracking nuts and eating it with some good company is definitely a great way to pastime.

(Just for me hehehehehe)

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Eeeeyeeerrrrrr

I am sick, was the BBQ the culprit? Well I doubt it. It all started with sore throat on Tuesday, followed by a slight hint of fever on Wednesday. I did not really bother to do anything about it as I thought it was not serious. On Thursday, I realized that I was really getting sick; I felt dizzy on my way to work and did not have the appetite to eat anything. In the evenings around 6pm, I’ll have some rashes on my arms and legs and I found it simply disturbing, especially to have the rashes. So this morning, I decided to go to the doctor, reasons were simple, I was very much disturbed by the rashes and I did not want to spend the last few weeks in KL sick.
The doctor gave me the usual medication and I went back home. She told me that the rash I had was due to heat, nothing to worry about. I tried to rest but could not, so I decided to settle some unfinished paperwork, much to my horror, red spots (not so little this time) begin to appear on my arms. Red spots all over my body …… eyeeerrrr …….. geli …….. wild thoughts rushed into my head, what the hell is this? Am I getting Chicken pox? Measles? ....Monster used to tease me that I had the rashes because I was dirty and or because I’m having STD and it irritates me, to think that I’m dirty.

I rushed myself to the clinic, went to the doctor to show her my rashes. She smiled and gave me assurance that it’s just a common rash, probably because I was exposed to something that I was allergic to. I’m still having that rash and I find it so irritating….lets pray that it disappears by this evening. Other then the rashes, I feel perfectly normal except for the flu that I’m having. Please let me get well fast, there’s so much I want to do before 20th December!

(my disgusting rash)

Neighbours

Fleeeng....fleeeing.....fleeeeg.......the sound of blades hitting the concrete woke me up this morning. I looked out my window and I saw our neighbour sharpening her chopper in the garden.

Though I was a bit annoyed that the noise she made woke me up, I felt at home. The lady reminded me of my mom. Like that lady, my mom used to sharpen her kitchen knifes in the garden, and yes she did make those annoying noise. I have never communicated with this neighbour across the street but I am happy that they are my neighbour. They remind me of my family and yes the aroma that comes from their kitchen really makes me think of home

All of a sudden, I miss home......I miss my neighbourhood.......

(our lady neighbour in action)

Leaving KL

Br. Sebastian had insisted that he should take me out for a meal before I leave. So last night, we went out for a meal together, just the two of us. We went to "South Pacific" a chinese shop in PJ New Town. Brother told me to order whatever I wanted but I opted for their signature dish which was the "Seafood Yee Mee" and it was muy rica, Brother himself was surprised that it tasted so good. His appetite was good and we ordered another plate of noodle, "fried glass noodle" which was also tasty. After dinner, Brother insisted that we go for dessert, so we ended up having A & W Float.

It was a pretty pleasant outing for me and I thought it was a very sweet gesture for him to bring me out. I feel being loved and I thank Brother for making my evening delightful in the most simplest way.

I'll be leaving KL soon in 2 weeks time. I'm going home for Christmas and won't be coming back to stay in KL anymore. I am looking forward to going back home though i cannot deny that I am going to miss many things in KL especially friends.

Having stayed in KL since 2001, KL has become my home. Most of my close friends live in KL and i really wonder if I'm going to be bored when i go back to Penang. I cannot deny that I'm scared of what lies ahead for me in Penang. I'm uncertain about my future and my career, dreaming is easy but making my dream come true is going to be pretty much challenging. I'm hoping for the best when I return to my family and I really do need change my ways if I want to have a bright future. Pray that I will do the right things in life.

(my farewell cake at ASAYO)

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Pain

A very dear friend of mine was in town tonight. It has been sometime since I last saw this friend whom I miss very much. I had looked forward to meeting this friend, but timing was just not right. I was occupied with something else, helping another friend out.

I don’t know if my friend was expecting to see me, neither would I know if this friend was disappointed as much as I was for not meeting up. I’m just feeling sad tonight because I missed meeting this friend. I could have met this friend if I had put in a little extra effort to manage my time but I did not. I assumed that time would wait and that I could steal an opportunity or two to catch up with this dear friend. My assumption failed me and I did not manage to meet my friend and I am disappointed. I am frustrated with myself that I did not appreciate the opportunities that I had. I never learn from my past mistakes and I always take things for granted. I procrastinate, confident that time and opportunities will always wait for me. I do care very much for my friend, but my bad habits overwhelm me. I succumb to procrastination just because I don’t feel like doing it at this moment and at this hour because I am not in the mood, sometimes because the task is challenging and I want to avoid it, sometimes its because I need to protect my pride therefore I choose to procrastinate.

Today, I missed the boat and I’m sad. My time is limited, every hour is precious and yet I wasted an opportunity tonight. My heart aches.

Happy Birthday

Today my friend celebrates her 22nd Birthday. I’ve only known her for like seven months and yet she is like a little sister to me. I am happy when she is around and dearly misses her in her absence.

It’s amusing how we can get along when our personalities are different. She likes those noisy praise and worship and boy band songs but I can’t seem to appreciate it. She has the ability to buy the whole Mid Valley back home but I can’t. I appreciate literature but she has no patience with it, I love oldies and sentimental songs but those things bore her terribly, I like meat but she likes vegetables more.

Even so, ironically, when we are together, we talk about almost everything that is under the sun. I guess I enjoy her company because of her honesty. She complains when she wants to. Nobody tells me that I’m long winded but she does, nobody tells me that my choice of music is dull but she does, nobody tells me that I’m boring but she does. And I appreciate her for her honesty because she helps me to see life in a different perspective. She helps me to understand her (though it’s really not easy).

Dear Ms Hong, thank you so much for your friendship, thank you for touching my life, thank you for the breakfasts (lovely sandwiches) and dinners (especially pastas) you shared with me, thank you for listening to me even though sometimes you don’t understand what I’m going through, thank you for being yourself when you are with me, and most of all, thank you for visiting in the evenings, for being a brat, a pests and a little sister.

Some people come into our lives for a reason and some for a season, I wonder which one are you.

The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship.
It is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when she discovers that someone else believes in her and is willing to trust her with her friendship

~Emerson~

(Miss Hong, Isaac and myself having a funny time)

Kesian?

After spending the whole afternoon baking cookies, Isaac, Pris and myself decided to go to Pasar Malam, since we had extra space in the car, we invited Joo Ming (he had been searching for companions to join him to pasar malams since last Thursday) and Siew Wen to join us.

While having our dinner at the "Medan Selera" 3 different beggars came at different instances to beg for money. I really felt uncomfortable each time they came. I don't believe in giving money to beggars but having them to stand by my side and watch me eat while I ignored them really made me feel guilty. Though I felt guilty, I could not find a good reason to why i should give them money.

As we walked along the pasar malam after dinner, we bumped into more beggars, some were crawling on the road even, I could easily say that there were at least 10 beggars in that pasar malam that night. I like the pasar malam at SS2 but sad to say, my encounter with the beggars really spoilt my little outing. It hurts me actually to see these people begging. I found it very disturbing to see so many people begging. Many questions pondered in my head. Among those are

1. Why do they have to beg when they can work and earn money?
2. Was it a syndicate that is controlling the beggars?
3. How do those who crawl on the street begging find courage to live on? in the 1st place, how did they find their way to the pasar malam?
4. If our country is developed, why then are there this much beggars on the street?

Cookies?

Yean Rong and my little monster's birthday was around the corner, after putting much thought on what special surprise we should give them, Pris, Isaac and myself finally decided to bake peanut butter cookies for them. Do not ask me for the recipe as none of us remembers it. All I can remember is that we put in flour, butter, peanut butter and yes brown sugar.

It took us 3 hours to complete our little present. We made 3 jam jars of cookies, 1 for Monster, 1 for Yien Rong and the 3rd one, we decided to give it to the gardener who was delighted with our little gift. No we don't have an oven, actually, we used the toaster. Thanks to Isaac who had faith in the toaster. He was the one who convinced us that the toaster was capable of baking the cookies.

What you see in this picture is not the peanut butter cookie. We were overwhelmed by our task that we forgot to take a picture of it. What you see is "Bloody Tarts" named by Isaac himself. We made it the night before after watching " Les Miserables 21st Anniversary Concert"

Both Monster and Yien Rong has not tasted the cookies yet but I do hope they like it. Whatever it is, I wanna wish both of them

Happy Birthday!

May God's blessings be upon you always!

(Pris & Isaac with bloody tarts)

He made me smile

When the traffic is heavy and the car in front of you is annoyingly indecisive, it really tests your patience.....

I was driving behind one car this morning, the driver was annoyingly slow and she was driving on both lanes, she could not decide on which lane she wanted to be in. I nearly lost my temper. At the traffic lights, I stopped next to the car, still annoyed at the lady, i waited for the light to turn green.

As I waited, i noticed a little boy sitting on the backseat of that annoying car waving at me. Naughty boy I thought. I turned to look at him and he was waving and smiling at me. My heart softened and I smiled back at him but still reluctant to wave. He continued to wave at me, and this time I decided to wave back. He mumbled something to me from his window. I showed him my confused face. He repeated what he said again and it was "Selamat Pagi". I was taken aback by his greeting. He laughed, the lights turned green and we drove off waving at each other.

I continued my journey with the image of him stuck in my head. I'm ashamed of myself actually. For being so moody and unfriendly. I can't find the right words to describe my feelings but this little boy really made my day. Today is beautiful because of that cheeky little smile. Thank you stranger boy!

(Another smiling face in my life, Shawn, my nephew)

Me?

WHAT MAJOR IS RIGHT FOR YOU? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Psychology/Sociology You should strongly consider majoring (or minoring) in Psychology, Sociology, or related majors (e.g., Counseling, Industrial-Organizational (I-O) Psychology, Social Work, or other social science majors). It is possible that the best major for you is your 2nd, 3rd, or even 5th listed category, so be sure to consider ALL majors in your OTHER high scoring categories (below). You may score high in a category you didnt think you would--it is possible that a great major for you is something you once dismissed as not for you. The right major for you will be something 1) you love and enjoy and 2) are really great at it. Consider adding a minor or double majoring to make yourself standout and to combine your interests. Psychology and Sociology are both great minors to add to any major. Religion/Theology 94% Psychology/Sociology 94% History/Anthropology/LiberalArts 81% Education/Counseling 81% English/Journalism/Comm 75% Visual&PerformingArts 69% French/Spanish/OtherLanguage 69% PoliticalScience/Philosophy 63% HR/BusinessManagement 50% Nursing/AthleticTraining/Health 38% Accounting/Finance/Marketing 31% Biology/Chemistry/Geology 19% Physics/Engineering/Computer 6% Mathematics/Statistics 0% Hmm.....aparently this is what my test result says. It's actually rather true on the things I'm not good at. I hate maths or anything that requires culculation. Engineering and computer programming never facinated me. Science, well i like to understand things based on layman terms but i'm alway curious about biology that's for sure.

I am angry......

I just had the worst lunch in my whole entire life. And it cost me RM 6. I can’t believe I was such a fool to have bought food from that shop. I took rice, a chicken curry and vegetable salad. The salad tasted weird and the curry was horrible. I felt so bad over what I ate that I nearly threw up. I will never ever go back to that shop again. I think it’s going to be pretty challenging for me to think of what I’m going to eat for dinner.

I wonder if they even wash their food before cooking it. Am feeling very sick now.

I am actually very angry, i feel cheated and i can't believe people can actually sell such uneatable food to others. How could the city council even give them the license to sell such unhygienic food? I found a cockroach egg and hair in my curry! It was a restaurant and not some stall by the street. Such a shame.....I'm very upset.....too bad I forgot the name of the shop or else I would name it here. It's located near my office at Lebuh Ampang. One of the many Indian Restaurant's located on that street.

I was scammed!

Was it a scam?

During Deepavali, I received a call from Hong Kong. The caller claimed that the company she represented was going to open a branch soon in Malaysia and they are currently running a survey on the Malaysian market. Since the conversation was in Mandarin and my mandarin was half pass six, I only managed to understand and answer briefly to the conversation. Towards the end of our conversation, she invited me to the company event which will be held in Genting on Sunday. She also told me that since I answered her questionnaire, I was entitled to join in their lucky draw competition.

On Sunday evening, I received another call from her, asking me why I had not gone to Genting. She said that I had won a prize at the lucky draw and asked me if I could go to the event within half and hour to collect my prize. I told her that it was impossible and she told me that her collogue will call me again the following day to make arrangements for me to collect my prize.

This morning, I received a call and was told that I had won one of the grand prizes and the prize was cash worth RM 50,000. For a while, I was shocked and overwhelmed. It sounded too good to be true. How can I so easily win RM 50,000 by just answering questions? The girl who announced the good news to me told me that her collogue will call me afterwards to help me collect my prize. When her collogue called, guess how did she want to give me the prize money. She asked me for my bank account. I told her that the best way of giving me the prize was actually through cheque and she asked me what a cheque was.

I guess that was the joke of the day. Was it a scam? I really don’t know. I casually asked Leslie this morning what if I had won the RM 50,000. And he suggested that I go and pursue on some culinary courses and of course use the balance to start my little business empire. What will I do if that RM 50,000 was mine? Well I really don’t know. Honestly, I think I will be expected to donate some money and some people will expect me to treat them, but then again, RM 50, 000 is not a lot. I actually need RM 50,000 to pay up my PTPTN loan. Since the day I graduated, I was already in dept and I really don’t like to be in dept. So perhaps, RM 50,000 will be good to settle my loans hahaha

Don't grieve for me for God has set me free

I attended a funeral on Saturday. It was the funeral of a man, who single handedly raised his four children after his wife died many years ago when they were still schooling. He died at the age of 80, well loved by everyone he knew. He lived a very simple life, did not have a high ranking job neither was he a leader in any organization except in his own family. Even so, he lived a respectful life, well appreciated by many who had cherished their moments spent with him. Here’s what his grandson read at his eulogy:

Don’t grieve for me for God has set me free

Don’t grieve for me, for now I’m free.
I’m following the path God laid for me.
I took His hand when I heard Him call.
I turned my back and left it all.
I could not stay another day.
To laugh, to love, to work or play.

Tasks left undone must stay that way.
I found that place at the close of day.
If my parting has left a void
Then fill it with remembering joy.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss
Ah, yes these things I too will miss.
Be not burdened with times of sorrow
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.

My life’s been full, I’ve savored much
Good friends, good times, a loved one’s touch
Perhaps my time seemed all too brief
Don’t lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your heart and share with me.

God wanted me now

He set me free.

~Author Unknown~

I am not there yet, but I hope someday, I too will be able to utter the poem and mean every single word of it. To see life beautifully to cherish it and yet be not attached to anything, to have the ability to let go when the time has come.

My Deepavali Breakfast

It was on Tuesday that I realized Deepavali was on Thursday. I asked those in Xavier Hall if they had plans on Thursday and some told me they were going to visit their Hindu friends while others gave me that look. The look that said “Hello, I’m in the midst of my exams and obviously I’m going to be studying.”

Pris had been telling me that every year during Deepavali, Sri Paandi the Indian Restaurant would serve free breakfast to their customers in appreciation to their loyal support. So some of us at Xavier Hall decided to drop by at the branch at Jalan Bukit for breakfast. We reached there at 7.30am and the crowed that gathered inside the shop was pretty similar to the Sunday morning crowd. Everyone looked happy and contented. Why wouldn’t they? We were served with Roti Canai, Puttu Mayam, Tosai, Iddli together with mutton and chicken and dhall curry. Teh and Kopi Tarik were bottomless and the servers were extra friendly then usual and some even gave extra attention to their favorite customers by constantly adding on food to their plates. While many remained asleep on their beds, we were feasting till our hearts content. When we left the shop, I was surprised to see the crowd that gathered outside the shop, waiting for their turn to grab a plate.

I don’t know who the owner of Sri Paandi is but he did make me a happy person yesterday and I am thankful for the little treat he gave us. And because of that little treat, Sri Paandi remains as one of my favorite Indian Restaurant unless their service becomes bad and the food become lousy. No, the owner did not bribe me to say such nice things about his shop hahahaha but honestly speaking, I have always liked going to Sri Paandi because the food there is reasonable and generally nice.

(Sri Paandi's deepavali well wishers waiting to go inside)

L-O-V-E

I love you very much, I love you so much, and oh I love you so much that I can’t imagine spending a day without you.

Love, such and interesting word that is associated with like and yet can be expressed differently in different instances to different individuals. To some people, L-O-V-E is such an easy to use word; they can say I love you day in and day out. Some reserve it only for their special someone, some can say it to any friend while some have never even uttered I love you to anyone in their whole entire life.

Maybe I am conservative and full of pride. I actually find it very hard to say I love you to people especially when I have to look into their eyes. Somehow smses or written messages seem to be the easier method for me to express myself. I think until today, I have yet to say I love you to my parents neither have I uttered the love word to Leslie or have even uttered a single word that is close to love or brings the similar meaning to the word love to someone. As much as I want to hold hands or give a good warm hug, there is this fear within me that prevents me from doing so. I usually avoid or do it so fast that there is no time for the other party to feel my warmth.

Having lived in Malaysia all my life, I am confident that I am not the only one who suffers from this disability to express my feelings towards another being. My parents have never told me that they loved me neither has any person told me straight into my face that they love me and yet I know that I am being loved.

I love you Jennifer has never been uttered by any of my parents but I know that they love me. If it wasn’t for love, papa would not have given mummy 90% of his salary to spend on running the household. Papa would not have bothered to pick me up from school whenever the public bus failed to come. Mummy would not have gone hunting for good tuition teachers for my sake. She would not have spent her time staying at home to look unto our well beings. She would not have bothered to earn some extra income for the family to spend.

My Aunt Matty and Aunt Mary never told us that they loved us. They scolded us most of the time instead. But then again, if they had not loved us, they would not have picked us up in Aunt Matty’s old Opel early every Sunday morning for mass. Aunt Matty would not have had You Moh (the servant) to cook for us various types of delicious curry every week and Aunt Mary would not have bothered to give us RM 5 each (during those days, it was 5 Ringgit) every month as pocket money.


My friends think it’s gross and disgusting to say I love you. Some say I love you is strictly to be used by lovers only while others, like me, are not comfortable using it. Even so, love dwells between me and my friends. If they had not loved me, they would not have tolerated my annoying behaviors, they would not have remembered to buy me something whenever they went for holidays, they would not have gone out of the way to comfort me whenever I am down, they would not have bothered to sacrifice the things that they really want to have because of me. What more to share the joyful and sad moments in life with me.

To me, to be able to show love is more important than saying I love you. However, I do look forward for the day to come when I can look into a person’s eye and tell them that I loved them for I believe that expressing our feelings to another person is a form of affirmation to the other person that they are being loved.

We can’t really expect people to be as thick skinned as I am to convince themselves that they are being loved can we?

I guess some of you will now be wondering how do I show my love to people huh? Well, if you have been loved by me before, I’m sure you will already know how is it like rite? Hahaha…..

(my dad and sisters with their babies)

Are you drunk?

The word Drunk, what does it mean? According to the Little Oxford Dictionary, drunk means deprived of proper control of oneself by alcoholic liquor.

It’s been nearly eight months since I last met up with Chris and Steven. Today, they dropped by to have a light meal with me at the nearby shop and Steven decided to share a bottle of beer with me. All I had was just a small glass of beer and nothing more. When I went back, a friend commented that I was drunk, I asked why? I thought I had misbehaved and had shown signs and symptoms of a drunken person. The reason she gave me was that she could smell beer when I burped and that my face was a little blushed.

Yes I did drink but I was not drunk and I thought it was pretty misleading for her to use the word drunk on me though I strongly believe that she was being naive when she used the word drunk. Just imagine if she went around telling people that Jenn was drunk last night. Can you imagine what would people think of me? What might run in people’s mind might be that I lost my self control and drank till I lost myself. My reputation might also be ruined because people might think that I am an alcoholic when I’m not.

I feel that sometimes people tend to make a big fuss over drinks. For me, it’s ok to have a glass or two of alcohol and it is not fair to label any person as bad or alcoholic just because they enjoy a glass or two of liquor. I am not an avid drinker, but I cannot deny that I do enjoy Wine, Tapai, Tuak, Baileys and sometimes beer. Even though I enjoy them, I only drink them during special occasions, when there is a reason to celebrate or when I’m in the midst of some really good company.

There is a big bottle of Brandy in my cabinet and some students were stunned to find it there. Rumors went round among some of them that I was a hard liquor expert. I don’t drink brandy and I can’t because it’s too strong for me but I use a lot of brandy in cooking and baking, mind you Sugee and fruit cakes are not complete without brandy in it. I also keep a bottle of Lee Heng ( Sabahan Wine) in the fridge because it makes gingered chicken soup taste perfect

Liquor, such a wonderful creation yet being accused by some as sinful and poisonous. It is wonderful because every sip of it brings delight to the tongue, and yet, it is sinful because many have become addicted to it and have over consumed it resulting misconducts, causing those who over consume it to become a nuisance to those around them.

I know of some people who just love alcohol and consume them as if it was water or soft drink. I guess I am in no position to comment on them but I think it is pretty sad when people become addicted to it, to loose control of themselves for the sake of alcohol. When this happens, the drink that is meant for pleasure becomes a poison, a sinful drink.

Perhaps it’s a good idea then for liquors to be pricey so that most of us will think twice before we buy it and may each time we consume it be a special moment.

Cheers to our imaginary champagne (actually it's sparkling juice)

Board game or Bored game?

Tonight I'm going to play scrabble with Audrey and Mel. I don't know if Dora is going to join us yet but even if she doesn't we are going to go ahead. It's been ages since I last played scrabble, I am a little bit anxious about it. Partly is because I don't master English as well as I used to and my vocabulary is becoming very weak. Audrey and Mel reads alot therefore I can already forsee that I'm going to be the looser tonight unless I play intelligently and conquer all the bonus points on the board.

I played alot of scrabble when I was in secondary school but stopped after I entered University. None of my friends thought they were worthy enough to be playing scrabble with me (which is so untrue) while I on the other hand disliked to think during my free time, therefore I opted for other things to do in order to kill time.

Tonight is the night I feel the scrabble board again after many years. I hope we enjoy ourselves tonight so that we can play board games more regularly. Audrey and Mel will bring pizza over while I've got some Shandy chilled in the fridge for us and some pork crackers from Thailand to munch along with our game.

To my friend....

"We are more wounded and brokened as we grow. That is why we will never be the same again. But it is only through brokeness that we discover the diamonds of our life"

An Impossible Dream Made Possible?

One of the things that facinated me during my trip to Bangkok was Wat Arun, also known as the Temple of Dawn.

You may call me inexperience but never in my life had I seen anything before my very own eyes so magnificent that was man made (yes I have yet to see the Taj Mahal, the Great Wall of China, the pyramids.....).

I wondered, whoever decided to build this great building obviously had a dream, followed by a desire to get it built. If he was being practical and realistic, i guess he would not have gotten the temple built. But then obviously he was determined and he acted. It took them 10 odd years to get this temple built and by golly, it is still outstanding and beautiful and still stands majestically along the banks of the Chao Phraya.

Great buildings are built, great missions are accomplished, great dreams become a reality because those who desired acted on it. Yes, along the way, some people called these dreamers crazy and silly and stupid, but then again most things that we enjoy today are products of dreams made into reality......I asked myself.....whats my dream? Is it too difficult to make it into a reality?........Are you a dreamer too?

A Song to Share....

The Impossible Dream
Lyrics by Joe Darion

Artist: Musical "Man of La Mancha"

To dream ...

the impossible dream ...

To fight ...

the unbeatable foe ...

To bear ...

with unbearable sorrow ...

To run ...

where the brave dare not go ...

To right ...

the unrightable wrong ...

To love ...

pure and chaste from afar ...

To try ...

when your arms are too weary ...

To reach ...

the unreachable star ...

This is my quest, to follow that star ...

No matter how hopeless, no matter how far ...

To fight for the right, without question or pause ...

To be willing to march into Hell, for a Heavenly cause ...

And I know if I'll only be true, to this glorious quest,

That my heart will lie will lie peaceful and calm,

when I'm laid to my rest ...

And the world will be better for this:

That one man, scorned and covered with scars,

Still strove, with his last ounce of courage,

To reach ... the unreachable star ...

To be Someone else

To Be Someone Else
At some point in your life, you've probably wanted to be someone else. Someone more good-looking, more intelligent, wealthier, more well-liked. While twisting in the grip of envy, you've hated yourself, lamented your state of affairs, been incredibly annoying to the people around you.

The next time you find yourself entertaining thoughts of being somebody else, know that it's never going to happen. You are never going to be someone else so you might as well banish the idea. There is one constant - you have only one life, and you can either live it to the best of your abilities, or you can wither and sulk. It's your choice.

In 1978, Erma Bombeck wrote a book entitled "The Grass is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank." What a funny read! According to her, there must be some specific reason that the grass is greener "over there." While the top layer is nice, plush, and green, what is it that boils underneath? Sure the vegetation is flourishing, but you can be sure the water bill is
higher.

When we strive to be like someone else or we envy or hate others because we are not like them, it's a spectacular waste of time. We all fall into the limbo from time to time, but nothing is achieved by it. Sometimes we strive to be like others because of the challenges that we must deal with every day. Yes it indeed seems ideal to simply step into someone else's shoes in order to escape our troubles. But even if it were possible, we'd simply be signing up for a whole
list of other problems.

You only see the positive aspects that "attract" you to this other person's life, yet there are always negative aspects hiding beneath the surface. You must realize that each and every life comes with its share of challenges. Life isn't about getting rid of challenges; it's about how you manage these challenges to make your life as fulfilling as possible. Very often, we create these "challenges" ourselves. Because we do not look forward with passion and optimism, we sit still and become bored. We then create these challenges as a way to convince ourselves that they are the reason we don't seem to be moving.

Some politicians make up enemies for very much the same reason. When we have someone or something to blame, then we don't have to think about accepting responsibility for our own problems. The only way to live a fairytale is to become the hero of the story. Remember, just as others' lives may seem more attractive to you, your life appears desirable to others. They just don't tell you. As you plan and define your direction, you will find that your life is truly unique. Learn to love yourself and your life.

Author
Unknown
ehemmm.....not written by me lah