I will look after you

10 Jan 08

I was leaving for Kuala Lumpur in the afternoon. While having breakfast, Papa asked me when I was coming back to Penang.

“Next week” I said.
His eyes opened wide “So fast?”
“Yes papa, I am coming back to stay with you”
“Oh that’s good. You should, I’ll be looking forward to that” He looked serious when he said that.
“How long will you be here?”
“Papa, I’m going to come back permanently to stay with you!”
“You mean you got transferred to come back?”
“No papa, I’m no more working in KL.”
“Oh, so you are no more working for the Church?”
“No papa, I have stopped working for the Church.”
“It’s ok, don’t worry about that.

I did not know what to respond. I was not worried about not working for the Church actually; I was more worried that I did not have a job and income.

“So have you found a job?”
“I don’t know papa, we’ll see when I come back”
“Oh, don’t worry about that.”

I looked at papa, I was confused actually.

“Don’t worry about getting a job. Take your time. I have enough money to support you. I am very happy that you are coming back to stay, I look forward to that.”

Papa has Alzheimer but I think he was serious with his words this time. My papa has always been a man of few words. Rarely expressing himself, though he has his own wishes and expectations, he usually kept it to himself.

Since he had Alzheimer, he has aged a lot. He has expressed two things which have touched me deeply. The first thing would be how precious mummy is to him, he has always mentioned that he would have been buried by now if it was not for mummy and that he is grateful that mummy has been with him all this while. The second thing is his desire to see us visit him more often. “Come more often” he would say each time we bade him goodbye.

Sometimes I wished papa had expressed himself more. I rarely put in much effort when it came to papa because I thought he never cared butI guess he did care, he only never mentioned.