Friday, August 27, 2010

I fell down while walking down the steps today. Sabrina described it as a graceful fall. I'm glad I did not land with a painful bump. It's really surprising how I fell. I was carrying a few envelopes of exam answer booklets. It was heavy and it blocked my view. I stepped on my pants and I fell from the top to the bottom amazingly without really injuring myself. It was unbelievable. I just sat on the floor and smiled. Everyone was shocked. A male colleague immediately came and wanted to help me up but since I could help myself, he helped to pick up all the envelopes that I dropped. Deep inside, I felt grateful that most of my students had already left for it would be really embarrassing to have a few hundred students looking at me in such a humiliating condition.

I am actually amused by the whole incident. I guess it has been a very long time since I fell and my leg hurts because it is bruised. I stepped on it during my fall and another colleague stepped on it because she could not stop on time. I am grateful that I did not break my back or injure myself terribly. Thank God, I'm safe =)

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Recently, my immediate neighbor retired and she has been a more sociable person since her retirement. She drops by to visit my parents and chat with my mum. Yesterday, my mum informed me that she even fried 'Char Koay Teow' for them. It was a very simple plate of 'Koay Teow' without much ingredients but I think it was a very thoughtful act. My neighbor is not married and I sometimes wonder if she is lonely. Even if she is, I'm glad that she is bringing some joy to mum and am grateful for that.

Uncle Lim is another neighbor who lives in another street. When I was a child, I remembered my mum calling him a 'Kay Poh Chee' because he talked too much. Over these years, mum learnt to appreciate this 'Kay Poh Chee' because he was more reliable than her own daughters, myself included. He visited my parents three times a week and ran errants for them before I came home to live with them. Sometimes he even brought food and cakes from home for my parents. Even though I now live with my parents, Uncle Lim continues to drop by every now and then and has even made himself to be Brandy's favourite uncle because he never fails to bring her snacks whenever he drops by. Last night, I received a telephone call from a very much overjoyed Uncle Lim. He called to announce that Michael Lim, his first grandson has arrived into this world and that I should now call him 'datuk'. I could sense his happiness over the phone. I could imagine seeing him laugh in his dentures. Around this time last year, Uncle Lim was fighting for his life. He had a heart bypass and that period was a very challenging moment for the Lim family. As I spoke to him over the phone, I wondered why did he choose to call me of all people and inform us. It made me suddenly realize that he is just like a family and that we are important to him, so much so that he wants to share his joy immediately with us.

I am going to miss Bukit Glugor...........

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

I'm trying to adapt to the idea that I'm an adult. Perhaps it is because I'm the youngest in the family and that is why I often find it odd to accept adult thoughts for example saving for the future and also to start building a family.

It may sound odd to some of you but I do have a desire to have a child. I can't really identify what influenced me to have that desire but I'm actually hoping that we will get pregnant soon. I was not depressed when I had my miscarriage but once a while when I think about it I actually feel sad. I feel sad that I lost it and I wonder if we will ever get a second chance again. I have begun to give up on things that I pretty much like i.e alcoholic drinks and also refrain myself from extreme movements like climbing, chopping things, carry heavyweights..........(you guys know lah what kind of unladylike things Jenn is capable of doing) for fear that I would repeat the same mistake again. Am I being a paranoid? I don't know.

I continue to live life everyday like how I usually do but I do hope that you will keep us in your prayer and that we be ready to accept what God has in store for us and do the right things.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

I've always loved to play with water but I had three fears. My first fear is that there will be something underwater that would injure me i.e jellyfish or snakes while my second fear is that I would sink and my third fear is to expose my body (to me it is almost naked) when I wear the swimsuit. As a result of these fears, I have denied myself many times from the joy of having fun freely in water.

Early this year, I accidentally tried out a swimsuit which was less revealing. I could accept seeing myself in the mirror wearing that swimsuit and that gave me the courage to give swimming a chance. So, I dared myself and managed to convince my program supervisor to give me a swimming lesson in the college pool. My first attempt was not very encouraging. Firstly, the pool was pretty deep and most of the time I held tightly to the edge of the pool for fear that I would sink. It wasn't so fun and I almost gave up. A fellow colleague found out about my new interest and invited me to try out the pool at her apartment the following week. The reason was that the pool was less deep and more suitable for beginners like me. It was a better experience but I felt like a buffalo which fell into a pool. I was clumsy and often I struggled in the water. Yet I was encouraged.

I continued to try out different pools and struggled in them. I dared myself to swim despite breathing and sucking in water from the pool and choking many times. I was often frustrated with myself and felt as if i had a disability whenever I watched kids play happily in the pool. Sometimes, I was embarassed by my own disability but most of the time, I was determined to be part of the crowd so I continued to try. I guess I should also be grateful that Leslie was also determined to see me master the skill. He created opportunities for us to spend more time in the pool and was patient enough to accompany me as I struggled with the water.

One day, with Leslie's help, I swam 50 metres in an Olympic size pool. It boosted my confidence immediately and from that moment onwards, I dared to go to public pools on my own to learn and try out learning Breastroke by observing other swimmers.

It has been six months since I stepped into the college pool and I'm glad I gave myself a chance. I still continue to swim at the edge of the pool but I now dare to swim at the deeper end more confidently. Yesterday I tried to swim Freestyle. It is pretty challenging but I'm happy to learn it. I love my new found interest and hopefully, I'm able to burn some fat as I enjoy myself in the pool.

My sincere thanks to Maam, CPJ and Leslie for being supportive and also creating opportunities for me to learn swimming. I would not have gone this far if not for these three people. You have helped Jenn to be a more confident person. Cheers
Here's something I got from my sister. I would say it is pretty much true.

The Winner is always part of the answer;The Loser is always part of the problem.

The Winner always has a program;The Loser always has an excuse.

The Winner says, "Let me do it for you";The Loser says, "That is not my job."

The Winner sees an answer for every problem;The Loser sees a problem for every answer.

The Winner says, "It may be difficult but it is possible";The Loser says, "It may be possible but it is too difficult."

When a Winner makes a mistake, he says, "I was wrong";When a Loser makes a mistake, he says, "It wasn't my fault."

A Winner makes commitments;A Loser makes promises.

Winners have dreams;Losers have schemes.

Winners say, "I must do something";Losers say, "Something must be done."

Winners are a part of the team;Losers are apart from the team.

Winners see the gain;Losers see the pain.

Winners see possibilities;Losers see problems.

Winners believe in win-win;Losers believe for them to win someone has to lose.

Winners see the potential;Losers see the past.

Winners are like a thermostat;Losers are like thermometers.

Winners choose what they say;Losers say what they choose.

Winners use hard arguments but soft words;Losers use soft arguments but hard words.

Winners stand firm on values but compromise on petty things;Losers stand firm on petty things but compromise on values.

Winners follow the philosophy of empathy: "Don't do to others what you would not want them to do to you";Losers follow the philosophy, "Do it to others before they do it to you."

Winners make it happen;Losers let it happen.

Winners plan and prepare to win.The key word is preparation.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

I sent in my resignation letter yesterday. I've resigned as a lecturer. The end to my teaching career of two and a half years. I never expected myself to come this far. I never expected myself to be an educator and I did become one. It's interesting how we live our lives doing the things that we never expected ourselves to do. Do I regret teaching? Surprisingly, I enjoyed my two and a half years. Of course I did wish that I had equipped myself better in terms of knowledge but it was really a joy to teach. Of course there we minor hiccups with naughty and lazy students but it was not too bad to the extend that I should hate my job. When I think of students, I remember their innocence, their determination, their curiosity. I do love them.

I must say that being an educator has boosted my self-esteem. I have become more confident with myself and yes, I now respect myself for the knowledge that I own. I used to think that I was never good enough. I still have those thoughts but it is not as bad as how it used to be. To pursue my masters and to continue being a lecturer is a possibility but then again, do I really want that for myself? What about the inner desire and passion towards food? Should I pursue on improving my culinary skills? What's stopping me? Is it my fear of failure?

What's next? I really don't's time to invite the divine intervention to lead me.