Tuesday, January 31, 2012

The nights have been terrible for Leslie and myself. Two days ago, little Greg stayed awake until 3 am before he finally slept. Last night, Greg did not sleep at all. Both of us took turns to watch over him and I have run out of milk to feed him. He kept crying for milk the whole night and vomited some after drinking. My stock of pumped milk is running low and I have hardly enough to pump for him too. I can smell the need for formula soon but at the same time I fear that feeding him with formula milk will make him worse.

This morning I checked with 3 mothers of infants and they drew the same conclusion, 'angin'/ gas. They said there is a strong likelyhood that he has colic. We also called the clinic and they also said nothing can be done except to 'sapu minyak' to apply ointment to expel the wind. I am exhausted and restless and I know Leslie's energy is drained as well. What are we going to do with this little man? Leslie will be back soon with some herbal remedy recommended by Janice, I hope it works. Yin Fern my other friend also posted a video from You tube on colic relief exercise. i tried it on Greg but he was restless. Will try it again later. Honestly, I think parenthood is more challenging than marriage. For me, parenthood is a real good test for one's marriage too.

Monday, January 30, 2012

On this day two years ago, I walked down the aisle to marry my boyfriend of four years and good friend of nine years. Even before I walked down the aisle, I knew I was marrying an imperfect man. Someone who would often leave me annoyed and frustrated. I still married him because I knew that there will never be a perfect guy in this world and that I myself is not perfect either. In fact, I am filled with flaws and it takes someone like him to tolerate with my nonsense.

Two years have passed since we said I do and after more than 700 days as his wife, I must say that I have not regretted marrying him. In fact, i cannot imagine how empty life would be without him. He has been my companion, my listener, my support, my security. He cheers my serious and moody heart and brightens my day with a cheerful smile. He has been a great support during my pregnancy and has so far been a great papa to baby Greg. He has also journeyed with me during my papa's final years and is still supportive in helping me care for my mom.

He is unromantic, and does not know how to say the right words.We ate ko lo mee for our anniversary last year and I'll be having confinement food for our dinner this year but what the heck, I know he loves me and that is what's most important to me.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Greg did not sleep the whole afternoon so I guess he is going to knock out tonight. I am almost exhausted already. He just would not sleep. He was restless the whole evening and was constantly throwing up the milk I fed him with. Each time this happens, my heart aches because what's being thrown out is my breast milk, fruits of my labour and my energy. I know why Greg threw up the milk, it's because he was not properly burped. But then again, we did try to burp him and he did burp but I guess he needed more burping.

For me, the process of burping Greg is one of the most challenging part of raising Greg. To me, improper burping is the root to all the problems we are currently facing. He is generally an easy child to look after provided that he is able to sleep well. For him to sleep well, the milk that he drinks needs to be properly digested otherwise he will be crying for more milk and probably throw out what is not well digested after that, causing a lot of wastage as well as frustration as well as exhaustion.

Greg was probably restless today also because there were a lot of visitors today. We had our cousins from Ipoh visiting and there were five little boys having fun in the house. They came for lunch and left after four so Greg's usual routine was slightly disrupted. To add on, the weather was a little warm today.

Today is the 17th day after Greg's birth and I finally washed my hair today thanks to some motivation from Janice. I've been wanting to wash my hair for a long time but did not do so as I've read in a few books that one should avoid washing their hair until their lochia discharge had stopped and I waited for that day to come. Unfortunately, that day has not arrived and I could not stand it anymore as my hair was getting a little difficult to comb and I felt really embarrassed each time I had visitors. I have been using the dry shampoo as an alternative to clean my hair prior to this but the dry shampoo is a little messy and is unable to clean some parts of my head. Besides, it does not clean as well as water hence I can feel sweat and stickiness on some parts of my head and it is really uncomfortable. I hope washing my hair today will not bring any side effects.. I actually have some headaches at the moment but I would like to believe that it is the weather as well as lack of sleep.

Friday, January 27, 2012

Two things I notice about myself of late. Firstly, my appetite has GROWN. I eat more than when I was pregnant. This I have to say is the fault of the confinement as well as my mom. She insisted that I had more meat so much so that my meat servings are large. On average I have a quarter chicken for every meal and of course vegetables and rice. It is rather a large amount compared to what I use to have. To make it worse, I don't feel as though I have over eaten after every meal. For breakfast, I have a bowl of oats with cheese and a thick glass of milk or 4 slices of gardenia white bread with nestum and milk. In the afternoons and in the middle of the night, I dig for snacks. Nowadays I even have biscuits and cookies. I for one used to be a person who seldom eat between meals but I am now doing it all. I hope this big appetite of mine will reduce once the confinement is over. My weight now is 75 kg, 7 kgs more than before I was pregnant and 13 kgs less than when I was pregnant. I was 75kg since the day I came home from the hospital. My weight has not changed since then but I am very worried that it will go up soon. But then again, I can't help it. During meal times I just want to eat and eat. Sigh.

The other thing I noticed about myself is that I have become more absent minded. I have been fixing the wrong covers for the wrong bottles and turning on the wrong switches. What scares me is that this absent mindedness happens every day. The other day, I even dropped the cover of a bottle into Gregory's milk. My sister did mention to me that she felt a little stupid after delivery but I am still wondering if this is a normal phenomena. I hope this too will go away soon because if the problem is not addressed, I may just endanger myself as well as little Gregory.

I am counting the days....can't wait to be independent and be able to do all that I want to again.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

My son just shit on me. I was changing his diaper when he decided that he needed to poo again. It was disgusting. I guess this is something I have to bear with until he is able to wipe himself clean after he eases himself. This is the second time I had him easing himself on me. Last week, he urinated on the both of us but that was less disgusting, yet I don't look forward to experiencing it too often especially when I am all ready to go out or to work.

Last night, I had one of the best sleep in 15 days. Leslie was such a dear. He took Gregory to another room and slept there with him. Hence I was left undisturbed for 6 hours. It was such a luxury, something which I appreciated so much. Leslie has started to work again and I am learning to adjust to handling Gregory without his presence. Thank goodness my in-laws are still around as they help in the cooking as well as bathing Gregory. I am still unable to touch water directly from the tap and i try my very best not to expose myself to it hence their help is much appreciated too. I am starting to make myself more independent now in preparation to their departure. I washed the clothes today using the washing machine, I've swept and mopped the floor (I leave it for Leslie to throw the water away when he returns), put the laundry out in the sun and collect them so on and so forth. Even though these little housework are a few, it actually occupies rather a bit of my time as I try not too be too aggressive in my movements and yes I have to spend most of my time attending to Greg's needs.

A few things I have learnt so far from parenthood:

  • There is no U-turn - once you decide to have the baby, there's no turning back. You can't say I don't want the baby and reject it. Hence the only choice you have is to make the best out of parenthood.

  • Facing responsibilities- in the past, if I ever faced something challenging, I could easily avoid it by running away from the reality. Now that I am a parent, I cannot afford to do that anymore, I need to face it. For example, if I don't know how to burp the baby, I need to by hook or by crook learn to do it cause if i don't, who else would do it for me? I can't put his life in danger. Diaper change, as much as I hate it, I still have to do it, cause if I don't what is going to happen to my baby?

  • Sacrifice- I have not given so much of my time to anyone before and I am doing it now because I want to and also because the baby needs us.

These are just some of the things I reflected on. I'm sure more would come along the way. Parenthood is indeed a growing up process.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Gregory loves to sleep in the afternoons and we are not too happy about that because he will be more alert at night and not want to sleep, causing us to not get the rest we need. Gregory sleeps so well in the afternoons that I bet even if earthquake were to happen, he would sleep through. I tried waking him up just now to feed him his milk but all my efforts failed. I hope to find a solution soon otherwise we his parents will very soon turn into zombies.

Today I had my 'tu kah chor' (vinegared pig's trotters) I have been waiting to eat this dish even before I delivered Gregory. Unfortunately, nobody could cook it for me, hence I got Leslie to buy me the ingredients and I finally cooked it yesterday and had my first serving of it today. It was not the best tu kah chor I've eaten but i was satisfied. I guess it did not taste that good because the pig's trotters was too small and the vinegar was too much. Hence I plan to get Leslie to buy me another pig's trotter to add into the vinegar and hopefully the taste would be perfect.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Today is 12 days after Gregory's birth and the first day of Chinese New Year. It feels as though Gregory is more than 12 days old. I'm so used to his presence now. In fact, everything that is happening in my life at the moment is about him.
It is not fun at all to be in confinement during Chinese New Year. Temptations are many yet I must refrain myself from all those temptations for my own good. Actually, I really feel like having a sip of any form of Soda drink right now but I know I can't because the consequences will be really terrible. I also feel like taking some cold fruits and probably ice cream. The temptation last night was worse. I could not eat those delicious prawns served by my brother in-law. All I could do was just watch others enjoy it together with their Shandy while I felt the thirst in my mouth and tried to get comfortable despite feeling extremely warm.
So far Gregory has had 3 people visiting him over the past 3 days. His first visitor was little Lolo and her parents Jacqueline and Daniel. They brought him a big packet of Drypers plus an ang pow and gave me a bottle of Dome. The next day, our neighbors Pat and Joe dropped by and also bought him a big pack of Drypers and some food for me. Today, Sabrina dropped by with her mom bringing bathing essentials for little Gregory. So far we have been pretty lucky as all the gifts for Gregory have been very practical ones. Even those who gave the diapers bought the bigger sized ones so that Gregory will still be able to use them in the next few months.
To be honest, I can't wait for the confinement to be over and to get back on my feet again. For now, I still cannot fully carry Gregory yet as I am not very stable myself. I avoid carrying up and down the stairs for fear that I might trip on my own sarong and tumble down the stairs with Gregory. I also can't wait for confinement to be over so that I will be less dependent on others. For now i am not suppose to wash my hands with the tap water. It is so troublesome to be unable to do so. The old wives' belief that one should not wash their hands with the tap water is very true. Some time last week, I actually washed Gregory's bottles and exposed my hands to the tap water. After that, my fingers began to hurt and that joint pain has not left ever since. Kak Moon the urut lady said this is a bone problem and not because of wind. She said nothing much can be done to cure this problem. I fully regret washing the bottles on that day. I should have just played safe. Now I still wash Gregory's bottle but I use a tool to grip on the bottles and caps instead of my hand. Other than the joint pain I am generally recovering from the delivery. My womb does not hurt that bad now each time I sneeze and I am able to help myself out of the bed more easily. My stitches are also recovering well. I still have headaches and migraines sometimes but I believe that is due to the lack of sleep as Gregory sometimes stays awake in the middle of the night, making it impossible for us to sleep. I have another 18 days before confinement ends. God willing that I will be doing the right thing and eating the right food so that I will be up and well again and hopefully more energized that before.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Ever since Gregory's birth, the nights have been really long for the both of us. On good days, he will wake up every 2 to 3 hours for milk and he will sleep back again. Unfortunately, not every night is a good night for us. Last night, Gregory woke up at 2am and stayed awake till 6am. When he woke up at 2am, we fed him with 2 1/2 ounce of milk. He drank the milk and made a big poo after that. So we had to change him. While changing him, his umbilical cord detached from his belly button. So we had to dress him a little. At 3am, we tried to make him sleep but he cried and asked for more milk. So we gave him another one ounce. This time, we had difficulty burping him after his feeding. At 4am, we tried to make him sleep again and he continued to ask. Gave him another 1 ounce. This time, the little boy was too lazy to suck his bottle. He kept playing with it. It really tested our patience. Each time we removed the bottle from him he wailed. I knocked out at 4.30am but Leslie still stayed up. At 5am it was Leslie's turn to knock out while I took over. I breast fed him and like the previous feed, our boy was too lazy to suck and took his own sweet time. At 6am he knocked out and I finally got to sleep.

As today was my last urut session with Kak Moon, by hook or by crook i had to wake up at 8am to prepare myself before she came. So in total, I only managed to get 4 hours of sleep yesterday. I asked myself how then can I work on night shifts. How will leslie be able to cope with Gregory while i am at work? Looking back, I guess my last miscarriage happened for a reason. We were both not ready for the baby then. Imagine us having a baby while we were living apart. How challenging would it have been. It might even drift us apart as we would have lacked in communication and I would probably be angry at Leslie most of the time for not being there.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Today I had my first urut session from a Malay lady called Kak Moon. I found her contact through a blog in the Internet. She charges RM 400 for 3 post natal massages and she comes to the house. The massage session lasted around 2 hours. Though I have experienced better massages, I have to say that what Kak Moon did for me really helped to relief some of my discomfort and I really felt good after the session. From what I've read, it is important for the new mother to cleanse her body well through the lochia discharge after birth. This is not a traditional belief as the doctor at the hospital was also particular about this matter. While I was at the hospital, they gave me 3 dose of injection to make sure that my blood did not clot and the lochia would be well discharged from my body. Kak Moon's massage this morning helped in this sense too. I could feel the toxic flow out from my body after the massage. Her massage also helped to increase my milk supply immediately. She will come again tomorrow and complete her 3 days session with me on Saturday. I hope to benefit from this traditional Malay post-natal healing method.

Gregory is 8 days old today. Leslie thinks that he has gained in weight and is beginning to feel his back ache as a result of Gregory's weight. I do not feel it that much as I have not been carrying him much due to my still weak condition. We are both still adjusting to our new role as parents. It is an exhausting experience. The responsibilities are never ending and sometimes we feel really frustrated. However, I have to say that little Gregory is actually a bundle of joy. Looking at him is like a therapy itself. His innocence and his cuteness just carries all the negative emotions away from us each time we look at him.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

It's been a week since Gregory was born. How has it been? EVENTFUL. That's how I would describe the whole experience. When we were still warded, caring for Gregory was so much more easier but I did not appreciate it then. You see, when Gregory cries, he is really loud and I always felt bad that his crying disturbed my other roommates who were trying their best to rest, so I wished to be discharged as soon as possible so that I would not feel bad. Little did I realize that Gregory's loudness was just part of the challenges I would face. The nurses at the hospital were wonderful. Though it was a government hospital and charged very little for its services, the nurses treated me like a queen. Each morning, they would come to my bed side to make sure that I was ok. Someone would bring hot water and towel for me to wash up while another nurse would come and check my body condition and my wound before the doctors did their rounds. This luxury to be honest is something I can't get at home due to my husband's limitations (which I don't blame him for because he has so much in his hands). To add on, the nurses sometimes helped to nurse the baby too. Whenever he cried loudly, the nurse would rush in and wheel him away. They are also the one who bathes and dresses him. Each time they return Gregory, he is nicely swaddled and cuddly and he will sleep real soundly until he gets hungry again.

This one week has been a learning experience for the both of us. In fact, it was only yesterday that I successfully applied the right feeding formula for Gregory so that the three of us would not be left tired and restless throughout the night. For the past one week, we had not been able to sleep well at all because we were still unclear of Gregory's sleeping and feeding trend. For the first 4 days after delivery, I hardly had any milk to feed Gregory. Hence he was constantly wailing in hunger and constantly suckling for milk until my breast became sore and I became really tired. It was only until I shared this problem with some friends that I discovered that is was ok to feed him with some formula milk. However, we could not constantly depend on the formula milk as I personally wanted Greg to be breastfed at least while I am still not working. So we still had to juggle with different feeding method to ensure that Gregory had his feed, so the challenge continued. Why is feeding Gregory so exhausting? Let me share the whole process.

Option 1- Feeding directly from the breast.
1. Baby cries
2. Lift baby - my wound is still raw and I am still weak, so lifting him is a little challenging
3. Let baby suckle the breast- I don't know how much milk I have and how much is really enough for him. He will suck and suck and suck until he is satisfied. Sometimes it takes only 20 minutes, sometimes an hour. During the first few days, he suckled for more than 2 hours. When I feed him this way, he cries for milk more often.
4. Baby stops suckling -but we are unsure how much milk he has drunk
5. Time to burb the baby- we are still new at doing this so he does not burb so fast.
6. Check his diapers - so that he will not be left soaking in his poo or pee for ages. We do this last because sometimes he poos while he drinks his milk. Sometimes, doing this can be a real challenge as the baby has the tendency to soil the newly changed clothes. For example, just now, right after his bath, I fed him and he pooed right after that. While I was changing him, he pee right on his face and naked body. So with urine all over him, he had to be bathed once again. To add on, he left his changing area filled with pee. So we had to wash that place after that. As a result, the laundry is now full of his clothes which he wore for less than 30 minutes.

Option 2- Feeding from the bottle

1. I know how much the baby drinks each time I feed him and I am 80% assured that he will not cry for the next 2 hours.
2. The milk is ready and I do not need to worry that I do not have enough to feed him.
3. Feeding time is reduced to 15-20 minutes.

1. Less mother and child contact
2. Need some time to heat the bottled milk and prepare the feeding bottle

It is almost the same as the first except that there is washing to do before and after the feeding. Many people are encouraging me to start feeding him from the bottle now as many babies refuse to drink from the bottle after they get too used to suckling from the breast. This becomes very difficult when the mothers start working.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

11th January. Leslie was already waiting for me at the labor room. It was comforting to see him, to know that he would be by my side. I was pushed into the labor room. Two nurses were already there, I could here them saying 'new client has arrived! who is this new client?' as they pushed me onto the bed. 10 minutes later a senior doctor with around 5 students came to examine me. My cervix was still open at 4cm only. The doctor instructed the student to burst my water bag. This is it she said, your bag is broken and you will have your baby today. So they left me in the bed as the wait continued.

A doctor walked in and offered me Epidural. I rejected the offer but the pain got even more intense. Another doctor walked in and offered it to me again but still I rejected. Then the nurse came and asked me if I was sure. She warned me that the pain would be worse later on and it would be too late by then to get the Epidural. After discussing with Leslie, I gave in to the Epidural. It was a relief. All the pain just went away. I only felt the pain each time there was a contraction.

At 2pm, a doctor came to check my cervix, it was still at 4cm. I heard him speak of C-section. He was pretty adamant about it but the other doctors said to give me another chance. The nurse gave me Syntocinon Drip to increase the contraction with the hope to speed up the opening of the cervix. At 4.30pm, another doctor came to check the cervix. It was only open at 5cm. She gave me a sympathetic look and said " I'm so sorry but we will have to operate you" I could feel Leslie's heart sink. He was so reluctant while I was scared. At 5.30 pm, they wheeled me into the operation theater. The doctor assured us that we were in safe hands and she would ensure that she would do her very best. She also assured Leslie that he will be able to see the baby right after the procedure was completed.

I lost my focus the moment I was wheeled into the theater. Everything happened so fast. I don't know why but I started to shiver non stop. Though awake, I was not conscious. I was just trying my best not to bite my tongue as the shivering was so severe. It was as though I was having fits. I could here people talking but I did not know when they took the baby out. At 6.35pm they brought the baby towards my face and showed me his gender. They wiped him clean and told me to kiss the baby before sending him out to Leslie. Gregory was finally delivered, I was relieved but a little regretful that i could not really savor the moment.
10th January, I arrived at the KLGH at 3pm thinking that I would be in labor anytime soon. Unfortunately, the doctor in charge told me that my cervix had only dilated be another cm after 5 hours, hence they would need to induce my labor. However, it was a hospital policy that only a specialist will carry out that procedure and that this procedure is only done in the mornings, therefore I would need to be admitted and wait until the next morning before the next action is being taken. So Leslie had to leave me in the ward and return the next day for Gregory's birth.

At 7pm, hell began to break loose for me, the 10 times greater period pain came and never left. I could not sleep, could not lie down, sitting was just as uncomfortable, while walking helped to distract me from the pain. So throughout the night of 10th January, I was walking up and down the ward, distracting myself from the pain as I watched other mothers to be go through their own kind of pain while others nursed their newborn. Honestly, I must thank God for the nurses, they were really fantastic, they said the right words and did the right things to help me ease the pain. I would not know if I could have survived the night if not for them.

At 6am, the doctor checked my cervix again and told me that it had dilated for 4cm and she could send me to the labor room. So the nurses prepared me, gave me my breakfast and brief me of the long day ahead and told me to call Leslie to come before wheeling me into the labor room. For the very first time, I felt scared. As the nurse wheeled me, I felt emotional and wanted to cry. After having waited for so long, my son was finally going to be born, but was I really ready?
9th of January, the anxiousness grew stronger as Gregory had still not arrived. I started to feel a little desperate and looked for signs and symptoms of labor pain. In the morning, I requested for Leslie to take me for a walk. So we took a walk to the nearest mamak shop in Bukit Jelutong for breakfast. It is around 1km away, hence the walk to and from the shop lasted an hour plus. After the walk, I discovered some spotting of blood. That got me pretty happy, unfortunately, that was it, there were no other signs after that. Hence in the afternoon, i requested to exercise again, hence Leslie took me to Sunway Pyramid. We walked from the 5th floor to the ground floor and walked back to the fifth floor. It was not a shopping trip but more of a quick window shopping and people watching. The walk still did not induce any labor pain, hence it got me frustrated. Towards later in the evening, I spotted blood again. I decided to use this as and excuse to get myself attended at the clinic. So at around 9pm, Leslie took me to the Serdang hospital and I got what I wanted, a check up. The doctor checked me and told me that there were no signs of labour yet, however since the baby was over due for more than 9 days, something had to be done. However there was one problem, a very major one, the hospital was full, they could not admit me. Hence they sent me home and told me to come back the next day at 9am to get admitted. When we reached home, it was already 4am in the morning, it was indeed an exhausting night. To make it worse, I felt the pain. The pain that was worse than a period pain by 10 times. I could not climb on the bed and had to try to sleep in a different room so that Leslie could get his rest. The feeling was horrible I could not lie down.

10th January, still tired, we left home for Serdang hospital again. The checks that were conducted the night before were repeated again in the morning. It was not fun, to add on, I had the pain on and off and was bed bound. It was not fun for Leslie either as he had to wait outside. At around 11am, the Doctor told me that my cervix was getting ready for labor. It had dilated by 1 cm. According to her, I had to wait until the cervix dilated by 10 cm in order to give birth. She also said that usually, the cervix will dilate at 1cm per hour which means that if everything goes well, I should be able to deliver in 10 hours. However there was a problem. The hospital was still full. They have 15 people on the waiting list already. So they told me to wait while they arranged for me to be transferred to another hospital.

At 2 pm, the ambulance came and sent me to the Kuala Lumpur General Hospital, a move which is probably a blessing in disguise. The journey to the hospital itself was an interesting one. For the first time in my life, I was a patient in an ambulance while other vehicles made way for me to pass through.

Sunday, January 08, 2012

8th January. Today is great-grandfather Gregory Than's birthday and great-grandson Gregory Than junior is still in the womb. I think the halba recipe may actually be effective after all. I'm not experiencing contractions but I do have those odd sensations like those one would feel when they are having menses. The menstrual pain is there, the cramps are there and yes it becomes more intensed when I am about to get up from my seated position. These odd sensations are making it pretty challenging for me to want to go out. This morning, I got a call from a very concern Patricia reminding me to walk, walk and walk. I know she means well but it is really uncomfortable to walk a lot.

Leslie has not recovered from his Christmas illness and he felt suddenly dizzy last night. So we went to the chinese sin seh in Subang. The doctor was from Taiwan and told him that he had problems with his digestive system. So the treatment began last night with some massage at the Clinic and medication. Today, the sin seh applied acupuncture. It is a painful experience for Leslie but I can testify that he is much better now then he was since Christmas. The treatment and medication is almost RM 200 but I think it is worth it as I am seeing the difference in my husband. The sin seh took interest in my pregnancy too and requested to read my pulse. Apparently, he is training to master in treating pregnant ladies and wanted to practice some of his knowledge on me. He did not charge me for this but told me to eat less meat as I had fatty liver. Leslie will see him again on Wednesday before he leaves for Taiwan for a Chinese New Year break. I hope Leslie will recover well under his care. He has been exhausted lately due to his commitments at work and at home. The absence of the maid and the extra responsibilities since my pregnancy has taken a tol on him. It actually saddens me to see him being unwell, only God will understand how much he has been going through.

Back to the pregnancy, I hope what I am experiencing today is a sign that Baby Gregory will be born very soon. His grandparents are already here so what else is he waiting for?

Saturday, January 07, 2012

January 7th. Gregory Vaz-Than is still in my womb! I had difficulty sleeping last night. Ended up watching TV until 1.30 am but still could not sleep. Perhaps it was because I accidentally drank a cup of tea in the morning. I finally managed to sleep after Leslie woke up and gave me a leg massage at around 3am. It was a good one. I slept soundly for 3 hours plus before nature called.

Today I experienced a weired sensation in my cervix. It felt as though I had ENO being dissolved in it. The gassy sensation lasted a few seconds and then dissapeared. It came back again more often while I was preparing lunch. I told Leslie perhaps we should send my mom over to my sister's house after lunch just in case that was my form of contraction. Interestingly, that weired sensation did not return after lunch. So the intense urgency to send mom over just disappeared. Besides the odd sensation, baby Gregory has yet to show any sign that it wants to be delivered yet. I am beginning to feel anxious as we now only have 3 days left. I am beginning to consider certain desperate measures to entice him out. One of the methods according to the malays is to drink coconut water. I have drank that 3 times already this week. Hence it does not seem to work for me. I have drank a lot of coconut water throughout my pregnancy and i think I won't crave for it for a while anymore. In fact, I am beginning to be fed up of it. Thank goodness that coconut water tastes good, otherwise it would be such a pain.

Besides coconut water, I have been encouraged to walk more. I think I have done that too though I have to admit that I am sometimes lazy. I do the housework, vacuum and mop the house and yesterday I once again used the shear to cut the grass. That too did not work. There are other methods too which you can read on the net. I avoid doing things that requires the consumption of certain foods as I find it a little risky. One of my colleagues told me that she went into labour immediately after drinking goat's milk. I choose not to try that.

Yesterday an indian colleague gave me this recipe to help me in my delivery. To mix half a teaspoon of halba with a glass of water and leave it overnight and drink it the next day. It is said to help to smoothen the delivery process. I tried to google and read up more about it but found almost nothing so I decided to forget about it for fear that I will do it wrongly. Then, while cutting the grass in the evening, my neighbor Joe somehow told me to do the same thing. He affirmed that halba would help me in my delivery. Hence I gave this recipe a try. The drink was tasteless but the halba tasted a little bitter. I googled regarding this recipe again and discovered that halba is also good for milk production, hence I may be killing two birds with one stone after all.

My in-laws will be arriving tonight. i hope little Greg will not keep us waiting for too long. Have faith and pray that everything will be alright.

Friday, January 06, 2012

January 6th. He is still inside. He has been very active though. His movements have been vigorous. I can see major shifts taking place actively in my tummy. Every two hours he wakes me up to the toilet. Sometimes there is nothing to wake up for but since he is bigger now, he is pressing on certain organs, causing me to feel as though I need to go to the toilet. My in-laws are coming tomorrow and he is not out yet. Leslie says he is waiting for them to arrive before he decides to see the world. Perhaps he is right. But this also means that they may not be around during his full moon or baptism.

We have sort of confirmed his name. Gregory Vaz-Than Zhi Xian it will be. We decided to name him after Leslie's Grandpa whose birthday falls on January the 8th. Gregory means 'vigilant'. To add on, I have yet to meet a Gregory whom I dislike hehehehe thus I believe naming my son Gregory should make him a pretty likable person. As for Zhi Xian, well according to the chinese tradition, the boys of the same generation will carry a similar middle name and Zhi happens to be the middle name for Leslie's nephew. 'Zhi' means wisdom and knowledge while 'Xian' means virtuous. Hence we hope that this little boy will grow up to be a knowledgeable and virtuous man.

It is frustrating to wait for his arrival yet at the same time I am aware that things will not be the same anymore once he is born. There will be restless nights and also other forms of frustrations. Honestly, I do not look forward to that but then again, is that not what parenting is all about? I have been looking for right storage items for the baby's milk and was told by my friend who is a chemistry teacher to not use plastic at all for freezing the milk. I understand her reasons but this also means extra cost. Glass bottles are very expensive but at the same time, I do not want my infant to start consuming all those chemicals at this young and tender age. Honestly the best storage bottle is myself but i got to work and cannot have the child clinging on to me 24 hours a day. but then again, is that not why most of us grew up to be healthy people? Because our moms fed us directly from the breast? Sigh........

Motherhood will officially begin in a few days time. i wish myself all the best.

Thursday, January 05, 2012

Today I went for a check up at the Klinik Kesihatan. This would be the last until I deliver. The nurse who checked me was almost 50, one of the oldest in the clinic. I've always found this nurse to be amusing. She is a little chubby and looks fierce and rough but my encounter with her has so far been pleasant. Today she teased me about the baby being late. She said a little prayer before touching my tummy and spoke to the baby. "Mengapa? Tak nak tengok muka mama ye?" She asked the little one. My blood pressure was a little high 130/70 today and she asked me if I've been sleeping late. She pressed my tummy and said the baby was head down and all set to be delivered. She warned that he would be a little big as he seemed to have grown in size since my last visit. I am glad my last visit ended well with this nurse.

She is right in the sense that I have not been sleeping well of late. The discomfort in my tummy has caused me to be unable to sleep early. In fact, I feel tired now and I could really do with a nap after lunch. I'm actually tired of waiting. Every day I live my life as though I will be on confinement the very next day. I wash my hair every day for fear that I won't be able to do it for the next few days. I treat myself with some snacks for fear that i won't be able to taste them for the next one month. I wash the clothes every day even though the laundry is not really full for fear that I won't be able to wash them the next day and so on. The only thing that I am not doing right now is to drive around. I am scared to drive too far for fear that I may experience contraction while driving. It's actually a little frustrating as I am confined to the house.

I really hope the baby will not take too long to come. My excitement is transforming into frustration. Baby oh baby!

Wednesday, January 04, 2012

4th January. Baby still in the womb. Each time we wake up the question that lies in our head would be should Leslie go to work today? His colleagues have asked him to stay at home but then again, if we had listened, imagine how many off days he would have wasted since January the 1st. I believe after the baby is born, he would need to take many off days from time to time especially to bring that little fella to the clinic for check ups and injections.

Of late, I have been feeling a little tired and exhausted. Maybe it is because I've been staying home for too long. It hurts at times when I lie on bed and it takes me some time to adjust to the right position before I can sleep. I dislike waking up to go to the toilet because each time I do so, I will need to readjust myself again in bed. It is also troublesome to sit down at times. Sitting on the wrong position would cause pain at the abdomen. I get heart burns from time to time too and I have somehow lost interest in cooking. I sigh when I think of what to cook probably because I dread the washing up after the cooking. Sounds depressing right? Perhaps that is why it is healthier for women to go to work this days instead of staying at home. Staying at home for too long will just cause us to fall into depression.

Oh when will the baby come?

Tuesday, January 03, 2012

January the 3rd. Baby is still in the womb. No signs of contraction yet. When will it come? Our anxiousness has increased. Each time I wake up to ease myself in the middle of the night, I ask myself if this is normal and that causes me to stay wide awake for a while before I go back to sleep again. I am not getting enough sleep of late because of this. I keep worrying that I missed doing something right. But then again, didn't the first doctor say that the due date was the 8th of January? So he may have been right after all. But then again, the waiting game is frustrating. It is not a matter of hours which we are talking about here, it's about the number of days we have to wait. Every day when Leslie goes to work his mind is not at peace because he knows that he may need to rush back one of these days to get me to the hospital. As for me, I am constantly worried that he is not able to come back on time. Friends have been sharing with us their experiences of going into labour. Some stories are comforting while some are scary. I just hope that everything turns out fine for us.

While the waiting game continues, I am beginning to crave for the wrong kind of foods. Yesterday, I had this very great desire to take a sip of gas drink. Something fizzy and very cold. Of course, I did not submit myself to this craving. This morning, I woke up with the desire to have a nice bowl of instant noodle, maggie mee to be exact. A really harmful desire it was but once again, I did not give in to the desire. I wonder what's going to be next on my craving list. I hope its going to be something reasonably healthy (cravings so far are nothing healthy) and easy to find.

Since the date of birth has been delayed, the list of our baby's names has also been narrowed down.It will unlikely be Peter for papa's birthday was yesterday neither will it be Noel. That leaves us with Francis and Gregory or should we also consider Sebastian? I really don't know.

Sunday, January 01, 2012

Today is the due date! And the boy is still very comfortable in the womb. I don't know if I am imagining things but I feel as though my baby bump has shrunk in size. Perhaps my eyes are playing tricks with me. Perhaps it is just the position and the height of the bump. It is lower now, not so close to the chest as it used to. On a positive note, I don't feel that sick anymore. I believe I am recovering well.

Yesterday, we bought ourselves a vacuum cleaner from electrolux. Leslie was elated over the buy as he believes the machine will make his household chores much more simpler. So today, we decided to use it. I vacuumed the floor while he mopped it. It took us 1 hour plus to clean both upstairs and downstairs but I think it was a job well done. It was a really good exercise for me as I soaked with sweat after the job was done. Despite the hyper activity, there was still no signs of contraction. Hence i believe the baby may just decide to stay a little longer in the womb. Every day, Leslie will ask the baby, hey, when will you decide to come out. If only the baby could let us know. Every day is a guessing game for us. No commitments and promises to anyone for now for we are constantly waiting in anticipation.