Tuesday, June 08, 2010

When the semester began three weeks I ago, I felt a little odd because many students bowed when I walked past them. Since I joined the college, I rarely had students whom I did not teach greeting me, what more to bow. However, this semester, it seems to be a norm to have students bowing. It was an indication that this batch of new students had better manners compared to those in the past.
Today, I reprimanded a student for receiving a call in class while I was teaching. I had expected her to be bitter about it and maybe rebel but much to my surprise, she actually came and apologized as I walked back to my room. I don't know if she did it upon her own free will or did her friends influence her to do so as I overheard her friends telling her to apologize to me during class. I was of course taken aback by her apology, yet at the same time I was happy and I respect her for her courage to come forward.
I notice myself being less frustrated with the students this semester. I do not have much problems with them. Even if they are disobedient, they do change after being being told off. I see them improve. To me, it is a good sign and I am happy that this is happening.

Monday, June 07, 2010

The past few weeks have been very confusing ones. I did not know that I was pregnant until I started to experience irregularity in my menses. I went to see the doctor and was told that I was 4-5 weeks pregnant based on the blood test. The problem was that the doctor could not detect the baby from the ultrasound. He told me that there were two possibilities. The first possibility was that I experienced early abortion (miscarriage) and the second possibility was that I was experiencing an ectopic pregnancy. Neither of it was good news but of course to have a miscarriage would be better than to have an ectopic pregnancy because an ectopic pregnancy would mean that I will need to remove a fallopian tiub. Since he could not identify the problem, he told me to return 2 days later for another blood test to see if my HCG readings would drop and if it did, then it would be very possible that I experienced miscarriage instead of an ectopic pregnancy.

After waiting anxiously for two days, I got a call from the clinic saying that my HCG readings had dropped and that I most probably experienced a miscarriage and that I should observe my own condition for another one week before doing a urine test to make sure that I am no more pregnant. I was relieved by the news yet at the same time the thought that we could have been parents saddened me. Was it a boy or a girl that we lost?

I sat down and thought over the things I did on the day I lost the child and I realized that I did everything wrong that day. I rode the bicycle for 2 hours, I had mangoes, I did heavy gardening for 2 hours, I drank green tea and ate raw food.....I just did everything that an expecting mother was not supposed to do.

Perhaps God has His reasons for this to happen. Perhaps it is a sign, telling me to get ready, to make sure that I get myself healthy and prepare for a healthy pregnancy.