Today was Gregory's first day at his 2nd part-time care giver's (Mrs. M) home. His first day to his first part-time care giver was a month ago. That time, the first lady told us she could not continue to care for Gregory because he was too demanding and she was unable to fulfil her responsibilities as a mother to her own children. Hence, we were left without a person to care for Gregory while we went to work. It was stressful and HORRIBLE.

As Mrs M lives near to Leslie's work place, Gregory travelled with his father to work. They left the house at 6.30 am. It was the first time since Gregory's birth I passed my morning at home without his presence. Honestly, that left me ample space and time to get a lot of things done. I managed to wash the laundry, cook lunch cum dinner, pump Gregory's stock of milk and take a 1 hour nap before leaving for work. It was a fruitful morning yet I was not happy today because I missed my little boy.

I hardly spent any time with him today. When I came home from work today, it was already 9.30pm and he was already asleep. The only time I spent with him was during feeding time. I felt really sorry and bad for my little boy but this is the best solution we can think of at the moment as we are still waiting for the maid to come. Thankfully, Gregory does not need to travel to Mrs M's house every day. He only goes there 3 times a week when I am at work.

Gregory is 69 days old. For some people, they will say: 'Wah so fast, time really flies" but for me, I keep wondering when will his sixth month come. I can't wait to see him being able to sit on his own. He is much easier to look after now compared to when he was just born. These days, he only wakes up twice at night for milk, of course there are still some nights when he refuses to sleep but those nights have been reduced.

Gregory is now pretty talkative, in his baby language, he calls for attention and likes it when you talk to him. The reward for chit-chatting with him is the very cute smile in his face. Sometimes he even laughs and reveals his toothless gums. It is really nice when that happens. He will laugh, and move his hands and legs at the same time.

I bought him two CDs when I was pregnant and I've been playing those two CDs over and over again these days. The songs in the CDs are in baby language and he loves it when I mimic the songs to him. That really motivates me because it is a sign that he has been listening and he recognizes things. Raising Gregory is indeed very interesting, sometimes, i find it hard to believe that I have a son.

Human relationships are so challenging. This is not the first time I am making this statement in my blog. I have said it a few times. Relationship problems often make us feel lonely because it makes us feel as though we are unimportant and unwanted. It feels as though we are not important enough to get the cooperation that we need. I realize that I have problems communicating. I realize that I have difficulty expressing and influencing the other person to listen to my opinion. i feel frustrated that the other person is not listening to my problem. I feel frustrated because the other person is not sensitive enough to help me cope with my challenges. I feel lonely. I am stressed. I am emotionally down. I find it hard to smile, I find it hard to be cheerful, I find it hard to stay positive because I am not confident and I feel alone.

Gregory is 48 days old and I'm getting more attached to him, probably because I enjoy his presence more these days compared to feeling frustrated most of the time. These days, he cries less, instead he has begun to create conversations in his baby language. It is so much more soothing to the ears compared to his crying. He has also begun to smile now and once again, that makes caring for him much more fun. I can't wait for the moment to come when he begins to laugh. His vision is developing well too. He is now able to observe things and movements. Though this development is good, it also makes it more difficult for us to make him sleep because he is now easily distracted. He now notices our presence and will cry should we walk away. In the past, it was easy to make him sleep. All we had to do was to pacify him and he will doze off. Nowadays, he will keep watch on us while dozing off. Yesterday, he cried when we switched off the lights. he stopped crying after we switched on the lights. Hence we had to sleep with the lights on for about an hour.

I bought him a simple baby gym at almost RM 30 from tesco. He loves it. He touches it and looks at its colors. Each time I pick his hand up to press the music button, he will smile as the ABC song is played. I also bought him a set of baby books from the baby fair. It's still a little too early to see him appreciate the book but I like the book very much.

Tomorrow will be Gregory's first day at the baby sitter's. She will be looking after him 3 times a week. I have adjusted my working hours so that I can spend more time with Greg. The baby sitter is not cheap but at least I get to go to work. Hope all turns out fine tomorrow.

Gregory turned one month old on Saturday. He is now 4.8kg and 63 cm tall. He is getting a little too heavy for me to carry all the time and to make it worse, he is starting to have the habit of crying out loud so that people will carry him. If he is left alone, he will wail until someone comes and lift him. Unfortunately for him and for us, there are not many people in the house who can carry him, hence the three of us (Leslie, myself and my mom) are experiencing aches here and there as a result of carrying this heavy little bundle.

Gregory does not like to be left alone. Each time we have our meals, he will wake up and cry for attention. He seems to like company. Sometimes, he would rather not sleep for a few hours so that he can play with whoever around and of course the whoever will either be his father or myself. The nurses at the clinic say he is growing well. In fact, he can now lift his head and each time we put him face down, he is able to push himself to face the side. Of late, Gregory has been sleeping pretty well at night too. He wakes up for milk after 3 hours and sometimes, he is so deep into sleep that I have to wake him up instead. The only problem now is that his appetite has increased and these days, he sometimes takes four ounces instead of three and sadly, my breast milk flow has suddenly decreased after the confinement, hence I am having a little stress on this matter. I am now doing what I can to increase the milk flow and God willing I will have enough to feed him. It is too soon for me to start feeding him permanently with formula milk.

I never expected motherhood to be this challenging until I became one. Not only it is challenging but it also requires sacrifices. As a mother to an infant, I have to watch over this little one 24 hours a day. Even if I am not watching over him, I have to pay attention to his crying, While attending to other needs, I need to listen and be alert to his calls. Every single thing is about him now.

As I have mentioned in my previous posts, we are one of the many thousands who are having a difficult time recruiting a maid. Our last agent played us out. They took our deposit but made us wait for more than 4 months and still did not find us a maid. We have changed our agent. This new agent seems very promising but has told us that the waiting period is around 3 months. Hence, we are still stranded without a helping hand. As such, there is no one to look after Gregory once I go back to work.

We did consider finding him a babysitter but it is not easy to find a reliable one these days. Besides that, my shift working hours will make it very difficult for Leslie to cope with him alone in the evenings. As a result, Leslie has suggested that I stay at home to look after Greg. Of course this would be the best for the baby but not for me. I actually love my job. Taking further time off from it puts me at the risk of losing my job. Besides that, it also means that I will not have much opportunity to meet people. I'll only be facing Gregory 24 hours a day. I will loose touch with what's happening outside. When i became pregnant, I was prepared for the possible challenging delivery. I was prepared in financial management. I was prepared to have a new addition in the house, an extra mouth to feed. But I did not expect it to be this challenging. To have sleepless nights, to be partially disabled, to be confined to home, to lose my job.

Aunty Julie is in the house. So I am on half day leave today, yippie! This is so rewarding. As much as I love Gregory, I appreciate this few hours away from him to at least get some things done.

Having Julie in the house is such a relief for the both of us. First, she helped to clean the house, then she took over the caring of the baby, then she cooked lunch for my mom while we had the opportunity to send Leslie's parents to the airport, then she helped to cook dinner.

Thank you so much Julie for making our day great and for all the consultation on how to care for baby Greg.

Having Greg has taught us many things and we are still learning. One of the things we are learning now is how to buy gifts in future for our friends who have just delivered. Today I will share on some practical gifts that will be much appreciated by new parents.

1. Practicality comes before beauty - We have received a few hampers. Many of them are beautifully packed but sometimes the contents are not necessarily practical thus it leaves a lot of wastage. In fact, the packaging itself is a wastage. It uses a lot of plastic and many of the plastic are of low quality and cannot be recycled.


2. We got a hamper which looked really good but half of its contents are not suitable for usage. In fact, sorry to say, some of its contents are of not very practical (i.e the material used for the t-shirt is very warm) and hence we may not use it for the baby. We have also received a gift from Leslie's supervisor. It was not wrapped and was given in the parkson plastic just as how she bought it. The contents however were very useful. Even the parkson plastic can be reused again, this is what I would call practicality. Though the hamper looked beautiful, we appreciated the parkson packed gifts more because we could use them.


3. Buying clothes - In the market, there are not many new born clothes. Most of those sold are for infants age 6 months and above, hence, we actually don't have much new born clothes. Often the clothes we get are slightly bigger for the baby. Mittens and booties are very important for the baby as it keeps them warm and also prevents them from scratching themselves since their nails are difficult to cut at this fragile stage. Unfortunately, some manufacturers only focus on the cuteness of the attire, some mitten holes are so small that even the baby's hands can't fit into it, causing a possible injury when we try to force his hands in. The other problem we often face is the material of the clothes. Some clothes are so thick that is it not appropriate to dress the baby in it. In our weather condition, the best attire for infants at home is actually short sleeve shirts and shorts. Unfortunately, people rarely give short sleeve shirts and shorts. Most of the time, what we get are long sleeves and long pants. Hence we have not used any of those gifts for Gregory yet because we have not gone to any air-conditioned places with him yet.


4. Buying diapers - One of the most practical and appreciated gifts. We have received 3 big packs of diapers so far and thank goodness, they are all of good quality brands. I guess for now, we will not need to buy the diapers for at least 2 months. It is important to take note of the size of the diapers before buying. Imagine buying a big pack of diaper which is too small for the growing baby. What a waste it would be and probably the recipients will have to give it to others. It is also important to give diapers that are good quality because we should not compromise the comfort of the child's buttocks. If we buy diapers that are prone to cause diaper rash, then the recipients may not want to use it on their child and it would really be not nice to give something that is not good for your child for other people's child.


5. Other practical and much appreciated gifts include - toys (non hazard ones), baby wipes (lots of it), baby shampoo and powder (1 bottle of each is enough because it takes more than 1 month to finish 1 bottle) and ang pow.


6. Pati Ikan Haruan - Some people buy this for C-section mothers but for your information, many of these pati ikan haruans have been banned as they contain steroids. in fact, the hospital discourages mothers from consuming it too. It is said that ikan haruan should not be taken too much as the wound must heal slowly and naturally. The hospital has also encouraged mothers to consume to real fish, ideally from the padi field and not the mass produced ones instead of the processed ones.


7. Of course there are many other things which one can buy for a new born. However, it is always best to check with the parents on what they need to prevent wastage as well as the baby from getting more than 1 similar gift.

I am writing this blog with bitterness. Yes, women under confinement are not supposed to get upset because it will cause her to bring in all the negative toxins into her body but I have had enough of it and I personally feel that letting out my frustration will do me more good.

I've never met a person who has been so selfish throughout my life and of all times, I have to deal with this person during this time of my life, when I am physically at my weakest point. I cannot understand why a physically able person wants to behave as though he or she is disabled. A person who is not even entitled to be a senior citizen wants to behave and be treated like an 80 year old person. Why is it that this person has to deprive others of happiness just because he or she does not know how to seek joy in every little thing in life? Just because others find joy in very simple things in laughs out of happiness this person has to be jealous. I don't mind if this person chooses to remain depressed and feel sorry for himself or herself but who gives this person the right to ruin other people's life? It is so unfair. It is so unfair that every body has to be sad and feel blue just because of this person. Every body has to be exhausted just to serve this person, to please this person. Every body is always giving in to this person, depriving themselves of what makes them happy and yet this person is not grateful, does not even show any signs of appreciation but instead like my sister always says 'climbs on your head and shits on it'.

In today's paper, a grandmother killed her own 9 year old grandchild before attempting to take her own life. Reading the news saddened me deeply. Apparently, the grandmother was mentally not stable and was alone with the child when the incident happened. I asked myself, if even a grandmother could take her own grandchild's life, who else then can we trust? I am actually not surprised that cases like this exists. I know of some people who may be capable of doing such a thing.

Reading such news makes me feel very insecure as a mother. It makes me feel scared to leave my son in the hands of other people. Even though the baby sitter we will send Gregory to is a reliable person, I will continue to wonder if she will care for him and love him the way she did to her own children. It also worries me that we may pick a maid who may hurt Greg in the future. It worries me that we may pick a maid who is mentally not sound and may create problem for us in the future. Motherhood has made me to be an insecure person. I am constantly worried that something may happen to Greg. I know i should place my trust in God that he will protect Greg but there are just too many shocking news these days.

Yesterday was almost a repeat of the day before yesterday. Gregory slept well in the afternoon and when it came to night, he started to become restless and would not sleep. At 12 midnight, I tried all the methods fellow mothers suggested. We applied Yu Yee oil on him, did some tummy exercise for him, burbed him over and over again, gave him Po Ying compound and directly breast fed him. He enjoyed every method but none of it stopped him from crying. At 3 am, my breast were already sore, my arms were tired and I was mentally exhausted. I woke Leslie up to look after him for a while while I prepared some formula milk to feed him. Guess what, that little monkey fell asleep immediately in Leslie's arms. I just could not believe it. I was so frustrated. Leslie put him back on the bed and went back to sleep but that little monkey woke up right after he left the room. So I fed him with the formula milk. He drank half ounce of it and dozed off straight away. My gosh I was so amazed at how effective the milk was and at the same time very grateful that I finally could sleep. So the formula milk did work for him and he slept until 4.30 am. We fed him two ounce of milk again and he slept till 7am. It was a bliss for the both of us. Our friend is now back to drinking breast milk and he is happily snoozing away in the living room. I hope he will sleep this well tonight.

This morning I shared my encounter with the mothers again and I was told that infants less than a month old should not be fed with any forms of medication and herbs. Hence Poh Ying is not appropriate. We did so many things on him last night that I don't know if the Poh Ying compound actually did work on him. Actually between 12- 3am Greg did actually burb very easily and farted a lot of times too, so I am not very sure what exactly did the trick but I believe all three did help just that Greg's other problem last night I believe was also hunger as he slept right after consuming the formula milk which was much more filling.

Well whatever it is, I home all will be well tonight.

Today is papa's death anniversary. As I write this post, tears suddenly start rolling down my cheeks. I don't know why is it that I am suddenly so emotional when I have not been really affected by his passing over the past one year. Yesterday, I reflected on how little children would love papa. He was not a man who would play with toddlers and run with them. All he ever did was to just carry them in his arms and take them for a walk. I remembered how well he loved Gillian his eldest grandchild and suddenly I felt sad that Gregory never had the chance to experience the love my father could have given him. I wish my father was still alive and able like how it was when I entered university. Suddenly, I miss him.

The nights have been terrible for Leslie and myself. Two days ago, little Greg stayed awake until 3 am before he finally slept. Last night, Greg did not sleep at all. Both of us took turns to watch over him and I have run out of milk to feed him. He kept crying for milk the whole night and vomited some after drinking. My stock of pumped milk is running low and I have hardly enough to pump for him too. I can smell the need for formula soon but at the same time I fear that feeding him with formula milk will make him worse.

This morning I checked with 3 mothers of infants and they drew the same conclusion, 'angin'/ gas. They said there is a strong likelyhood that he has colic. We also called the clinic and they also said nothing can be done except to 'sapu minyak' to apply ointment to expel the wind. I am exhausted and restless and I know Leslie's energy is drained as well. What are we going to do with this little man? Leslie will be back soon with some herbal remedy recommended by Janice, I hope it works. Yin Fern my other friend also posted a video from You tube on colic relief exercise. i tried it on Greg but he was restless. Will try it again later. Honestly, I think parenthood is more challenging than marriage. For me, parenthood is a real good test for one's marriage too.

On this day two years ago, I walked down the aisle to marry my boyfriend of four years and good friend of nine years. Even before I walked down the aisle, I knew I was marrying an imperfect man. Someone who would often leave me annoyed and frustrated. I still married him because I knew that there will never be a perfect guy in this world and that I myself is not perfect either. In fact, I am filled with flaws and it takes someone like him to tolerate with my nonsense.

Two years have passed since we said I do and after more than 700 days as his wife, I must say that I have not regretted marrying him. In fact, i cannot imagine how empty life would be without him. He has been my companion, my listener, my support, my security. He cheers my serious and moody heart and brightens my day with a cheerful smile. He has been a great support during my pregnancy and has so far been a great papa to baby Greg. He has also journeyed with me during my papa's final years and is still supportive in helping me care for my mom.

He is unromantic, and does not know how to say the right words.We ate ko lo mee for our anniversary last year and I'll be having confinement food for our dinner this year but what the heck, I know he loves me and that is what's most important to me.

Greg did not sleep the whole afternoon so I guess he is going to knock out tonight. I am almost exhausted already. He just would not sleep. He was restless the whole evening and was constantly throwing up the milk I fed him with. Each time this happens, my heart aches because what's being thrown out is my breast milk, fruits of my labour and my energy. I know why Greg threw up the milk, it's because he was not properly burped. But then again, we did try to burp him and he did burp but I guess he needed more burping.

For me, the process of burping Greg is one of the most challenging part of raising Greg. To me, improper burping is the root to all the problems we are currently facing. He is generally an easy child to look after provided that he is able to sleep well. For him to sleep well, the milk that he drinks needs to be properly digested otherwise he will be crying for more milk and probably throw out what is not well digested after that, causing a lot of wastage as well as frustration as well as exhaustion.

Greg was probably restless today also because there were a lot of visitors today. We had our cousins from Ipoh visiting and there were five little boys having fun in the house. They came for lunch and left after four so Greg's usual routine was slightly disrupted. To add on, the weather was a little warm today.

Today is the 17th day after Greg's birth and I finally washed my hair today thanks to some motivation from Janice. I've been wanting to wash my hair for a long time but did not do so as I've read in a few books that one should avoid washing their hair until their lochia discharge had stopped and I waited for that day to come. Unfortunately, that day has not arrived and I could not stand it anymore as my hair was getting a little difficult to comb and I felt really embarrassed each time I had visitors. I have been using the dry shampoo as an alternative to clean my hair prior to this but the dry shampoo is a little messy and is unable to clean some parts of my head. Besides, it does not clean as well as water hence I can feel sweat and stickiness on some parts of my head and it is really uncomfortable. I hope washing my hair today will not bring any side effects.. I actually have some headaches at the moment but I would like to believe that it is the weather as well as lack of sleep.

Two things I notice about myself of late. Firstly, my appetite has GROWN. I eat more than when I was pregnant. This I have to say is the fault of the confinement as well as my mom. She insisted that I had more meat so much so that my meat servings are large. On average I have a quarter chicken for every meal and of course vegetables and rice. It is rather a large amount compared to what I use to have. To make it worse, I don't feel as though I have over eaten after every meal. For breakfast, I have a bowl of oats with cheese and a thick glass of milk or 4 slices of gardenia white bread with nestum and milk. In the afternoons and in the middle of the night, I dig for snacks. Nowadays I even have biscuits and cookies. I for one used to be a person who seldom eat between meals but I am now doing it all. I hope this big appetite of mine will reduce once the confinement is over. My weight now is 75 kg, 7 kgs more than before I was pregnant and 13 kgs less than when I was pregnant. I was 75kg since the day I came home from the hospital. My weight has not changed since then but I am very worried that it will go up soon. But then again, I can't help it. During meal times I just want to eat and eat. Sigh.

The other thing I noticed about myself is that I have become more absent minded. I have been fixing the wrong covers for the wrong bottles and turning on the wrong switches. What scares me is that this absent mindedness happens every day. The other day, I even dropped the cover of a bottle into Gregory's milk. My sister did mention to me that she felt a little stupid after delivery but I am still wondering if this is a normal phenomena. I hope this too will go away soon because if the problem is not addressed, I may just endanger myself as well as little Gregory.

I am counting the days....can't wait to be independent and be able to do all that I want to again.

My son just shit on me. I was changing his diaper when he decided that he needed to poo again. It was disgusting. I guess this is something I have to bear with until he is able to wipe himself clean after he eases himself. This is the second time I had him easing himself on me. Last week, he urinated on the both of us but that was less disgusting, yet I don't look forward to experiencing it too often especially when I am all ready to go out or to work.

Last night, I had one of the best sleep in 15 days. Leslie was such a dear. He took Gregory to another room and slept there with him. Hence I was left undisturbed for 6 hours. It was such a luxury, something which I appreciated so much. Leslie has started to work again and I am learning to adjust to handling Gregory without his presence. Thank goodness my in-laws are still around as they help in the cooking as well as bathing Gregory. I am still unable to touch water directly from the tap and i try my very best not to expose myself to it hence their help is much appreciated too. I am starting to make myself more independent now in preparation to their departure. I washed the clothes today using the washing machine, I've swept and mopped the floor (I leave it for Leslie to throw the water away when he returns), put the laundry out in the sun and collect them so on and so forth. Even though these little housework are a few, it actually occupies rather a bit of my time as I try not too be too aggressive in my movements and yes I have to spend most of my time attending to Greg's needs.

A few things I have learnt so far from parenthood:

• There is no U-turn - once you decide to have the baby, there's no turning back. You can't say I don't want the baby and reject it. Hence the only choice you have is to make the best out of parenthood.


• Facing responsibilities- in the past, if I ever faced something challenging, I could easily avoid it by running away from the reality. Now that I am a parent, I cannot afford to do that anymore, I need to face it. For example, if I don't know how to burp the baby, I need to by hook or by crook learn to do it cause if i don't, who else would do it for me? I can't put his life in danger. Diaper change, as much as I hate it, I still have to do it, cause if I don't what is going to happen to my baby?


• Sacrifice- I have not given so much of my time to anyone before and I am doing it now because I want to and also because the baby needs us.

These are just some of the things I reflected on. I'm sure more would come along the way. Parenthood is indeed a growing up process.

Gregory loves to sleep in the afternoons and we are not too happy about that because he will be more alert at night and not want to sleep, causing us to not get the rest we need. Gregory sleeps so well in the afternoons that I bet even if earthquake were to happen, he would sleep through. I tried waking him up just now to feed him his milk but all my efforts failed. I hope to find a solution soon otherwise we his parents will very soon turn into zombies.

Today I had my 'tu kah chor' (vinegared pig's trotters) I have been waiting to eat this dish even before I delivered Gregory. Unfortunately, nobody could cook it for me, hence I got Leslie to buy me the ingredients and I finally cooked it yesterday and had my first serving of it today. It was not the best tu kah chor I've eaten but i was satisfied. I guess it did not taste that good because the pig's trotters was too small and the vinegar was too much. Hence I plan to get Leslie to buy me another pig's trotter to add into the vinegar and hopefully the taste would be perfect.

Today is 12 days after Gregory's birth and the first day of Chinese New Year. It feels as though Gregory is more than 12 days old. I'm so used to his presence now. In fact, everything that is happening in my life at the moment is about him.
It is not fun at all to be in confinement during Chinese New Year. Temptations are many yet I must refrain myself from all those temptations for my own good. Actually, I really feel like having a sip of any form of Soda drink right now but I know I can't because the consequences will be really terrible. I also feel like taking some cold fruits and probably ice cream. The temptation last night was worse. I could not eat those delicious prawns served by my brother in-law. All I could do was just watch others enjoy it together with their Shandy while I felt the thirst in my mouth and tried to get comfortable despite feeling extremely warm.
So far Gregory has had 3 people visiting him over the past 3 days. His first visitor was little Lolo and her parents Jacqueline and Daniel. They brought him a big packet of Drypers plus an ang pow and gave me a bottle of Dome. The next day, our neighbors Pat and Joe dropped by and also bought him a big pack of Drypers and some food for me. Today, Sabrina dropped by with her mom bringing bathing essentials for little Gregory. So far we have been pretty lucky as all the gifts for Gregory have been very practical ones. Even those who gave the diapers bought the bigger sized ones so that Gregory will still be able to use them in the next few months.
To be honest, I can't wait for the confinement to be over and to get back on my feet again. For now, I still cannot fully carry Gregory yet as I am not very stable myself. I avoid carrying up and down the stairs for fear that I might trip on my own sarong and tumble down the stairs with Gregory. I also can't wait for confinement to be over so that I will be less dependent on others. For now i am not suppose to wash my hands with the tap water. It is so troublesome to be unable to do so. The old wives' belief that one should not wash their hands with the tap water is very true. Some time last week, I actually washed Gregory's bottles and exposed my hands to the tap water. After that, my fingers began to hurt and that joint pain has not left ever since. Kak Moon the urut lady said this is a bone problem and not because of wind. She said nothing much can be done to cure this problem. I fully regret washing the bottles on that day. I should have just played safe. Now I still wash Gregory's bottle but I use a tool to grip on the bottles and caps instead of my hand. Other than the joint pain I am generally recovering from the delivery. My womb does not hurt that bad now each time I sneeze and I am able to help myself out of the bed more easily. My stitches are also recovering well. I still have headaches and migraines sometimes but I believe that is due to the lack of sleep as Gregory sometimes stays awake in the middle of the night, making it impossible for us to sleep. I have another 18 days before confinement ends. God willing that I will be doing the right thing and eating the right food so that I will be up and well again and hopefully more energized that before.

Ever since Gregory's birth, the nights have been really long for the both of us. On good days, he will wake up every 2 to 3 hours for milk and he will sleep back again. Unfortunately, not every night is a good night for us. Last night, Gregory woke up at 2am and stayed awake till 6am. When he woke up at 2am, we fed him with 2 1/2 ounce of milk. He drank the milk and made a big poo after that. So we had to change him. While changing him, his umbilical cord detached from his belly button. So we had to dress him a little. At 3am, we tried to make him sleep but he cried and asked for more milk. So we gave him another one ounce. This time, we had difficulty burping him after his feeding. At 4am, we tried to make him sleep again and he continued to ask. Gave him another 1 ounce. This time, the little boy was too lazy to suck his bottle. He kept playing with it. It really tested our patience. Each time we removed the bottle from him he wailed. I knocked out at 4.30am but Leslie still stayed up. At 5am it was Leslie's turn to knock out while I took over. I breast fed him and like the previous feed, our boy was too lazy to suck and took his own sweet time. At 6am he knocked out and I finally got to sleep.

As today was my last urut session with Kak Moon, by hook or by crook i had to wake up at 8am to prepare myself before she came. So in total, I only managed to get 4 hours of sleep yesterday. I asked myself how then can I work on night shifts. How will leslie be able to cope with Gregory while i am at work? Looking back, I guess my last miscarriage happened for a reason. We were both not ready for the baby then. Imagine us having a baby while we were living apart. How challenging would it have been. It might even drift us apart as we would have lacked in communication and I would probably be angry at Leslie most of the time for not being there.