I'm home in Penang, am abit handicap without my computer. Inspirations came but did not have the computer with me, so have not been writing much for this blog. Neverthless....

HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!

Christmas five days away......

Give Love on Christmas Day

People making lists, buying special gifts,

It's a time to be kind to one and all

It's that time of year when good friends are dear

And you wish you could give more

Than just presents from a store

Why don't you give love on Christmas day [on Christmas day]

Oh even the man who has everything

Would be so happy if you would bring

Him love on Christmas day [on Christmas day]

No greater gift is there than love

People you don't know smiling out hello

Everywhere there's an air of Christmas joy

It's that once a year, when the world's sincere

And you'd like to find a way

To show the things that words can't say

Why don't you give love on Christmas day [on Christmas day]

The man on the street and the couple upstairs

All need to know that there's one cares

Give love on Christmas day [Christmas day]

No greater gift is there than love

What the world needs is love

Yes the world needs your love

Why don't you give love on Christmas day [on Christmas Day]

Oh every little child on Santa's knee

Has room for your love underneath his tree

Give love on Christmas day [Christmas day]

No greater gift is there than love

What the world needs is love

Yes the world needs your love

Give love on Christmas day [Christmas day] ...

Her confirmation name is Ann, today she celebrates her 23rd Birthday. This girl, I got to know since I moved into Xavier Hall. She is a very nice and sweet girl to have as a friend. No doubt, there are certain things in her that I can’t stand but I guess the positive attitude that she has towards others overpowers her negative points.

I like her yet words can’t describe why. It just feels so comfortable to be with her. I feel secure and cared for every time I’m with her. Thank you Ms. Yap for being such a lovely friend, thank you for sharing your bayam soups with me and of course for loaning me your bike. May our friendship continue to bloom in our little glutton’s paradise where the pearl of the orient is.

Happy Birthday my dear Ms Yap, may God bless you abundantly with many more happy years to come.

(Ms Yap with all the nice people in XHRC)

Angry me

If you like to menumpang only,
You are not invited into my life
I don’t mind doing you favors
But it has to be because I want to.

If you are my friend
Only because you see me useful,
Don’t come near me.
I am not user friendly

I am your friend because I really want to
I help you because I love you
I stand by you because I am willing to
And I’d go out of the way because you are my friend.

But if you think I’m instant,
Convenient, easy to use and economical,
Bug off then you parasite.
I’m not strong enough to be gracious……

I needed space, I had to let it out or it would be eating into me. So, I wrote this. I felt used. I thought it was friendship but suddenly I realized that I was a friend because I could provide all the benefits that that person needed. I’m exhausted from being a superwoman. The simple and easygoing Jenn who would tolerate with any kind of nonsense.

I wished I had.....

I was abit moody a few days ago, some things had been eating into me. I snapped. All I could think of that particular person was negative. I did not know how to respond to the person. I felt that I was being taken for granted. I had expectations which was not met. And so, I snapped and reacted, I was harsh and I guess I cut the person deep with my words. Each time I sent a harsh message to the other person, I felt good, I felt satisfied and the person did not argue back.

I woke up the very next day, feeling lousy and ashamed. Ashamed of my behaviour, ashamed of my actions. I wish I had not used those hurtful words, I wish I had not been so direct. I'm in pain right now. I have not seen the person since I sent those nasty smses. I tried to apologize but the responses I got has been pretty polite ones. I've done it again. I should not have done it but I did it.

Am I going to be forgiven? I don't know. The point that I've hurt someone's feelings hurt me and the point that I'm not forgiven hurts me deeply too.

(Penang)

Why Celebrate Birthdays?

Today we had a mini celebration for the December born babies in the house. Some people opted not to come. One resident messaged me saying that she was not joining the rest and she does not care of what others will think of her. She is just worried that I will get mad if she did not come.

Why do we celebrate people’s birthday? Why do we go for people’s birthday party? Personally for me, whenever I go for a birthday celebration, it is because I love that particular friend and I want to celebrate his / her birthday. And I will put in effort to give that person my birthday wishes, may it be in a form of gift, cake or card. I will buy the best gift, the best cake or the best card for the person. I will not get things for my friend because it is convenient or just because I have to because I do not want to disappoint my friend, or because I have a reputation to maintain.

If I have no feelings towards that person, I don’t see the reason why I should celebrate their birthday. For me, celebrating one’s birthday is an expression of our love and concern towards that person, a birthday celebration is not for show. It would be hypocritical if a birthday celebration is organized because there was an expectation for it to be organized and not because we ourselves wanted to do it.

Was I mad with those who did not join in the celebration? Perhaps they did not know their housemates well enough to want to care, to share and to celebrate. ….indeed, it is such a shame, but it is also a personal choice, we can’t change it, we can only influence. I was not mad, I was disappointed, yes. I was sad.

Who is saved?

I was having a conversation with somebody. She shared that she was glad to be a Christian, being a Christian has thought her to see more in life. As a Christian, she realizes that there’s so much more to do in life. Our conversation continued and somehow we came to this topic of whether non believers were saved.

If you do not believe in Christ, will you still be saved? To me, God created the world and loved everything that He created. When the world was in darkness and beyond redemption, He sent Christ to be with us, to change the world and to bring us salvation and hope. Christ came for all, He died on the cross for every man may it be believer or non believer. All man was called to one and the same destiny, of which is divine.

My understanding of God is that He is ever forgiving and because of that, He would not forsake any creature that He created. I believe that every person who is ignorant of the Gospel of Christ but seeks the truth and does the will of God in accordance to their understanding of it will be saved. To me, the sin is greater when a person claims to be a believer of Christ and yet behave unruly and ruins the peace, hope and love within society. If only those who believe in Christ are saved, then what happens to unbaptized children and infants who die before they are baptized? It would be very cruel for God to not accept them into His kingdom right?

Even though I believe that salvation is for non believers too, I think baptism and conversion is still very much necessary. Baptism is God’s grace and it is through baptism that we are renewed. Baptism brings us closer to God. As believers, we are thought to live in accordance to the scriptures, through our practice of faith plus regular prayers, we are brought closer to God......so will non believers be saved? In my opinion, yes and I am happy to be a Christian because my faith has brought me closer to Him, to be aware of His presence in my life.

(Ever wondered what happens to us when we die?)

A little western Christmas Joke to share..........western because no snow here in Malaysia mah....

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Dabai anyone?

The Fruit
The Seed
Within the seed

This is Dabai, I first tasted dabai this Chinese New Year when I was in Sarawak. I did not really appreciate it initially but as I took more of it, I acquired a liking towards it. Dabai is only found in Sarawak, particularly in Sibu. According to an article, the dabai tree is planted mostly along the Rejang River. Some people describe Dabai as the Sarawakian Olive. I can’t really commend on that as I have yet to taste the real fresh olive but I do believe that there is some truth in it.

Dabai has a unique taste, like durian, you either love it or hate it. The flesh is lemak (creamy) and yes I think it is fattening. For most people, the best part of the fruit lies in the seed. The seed is like a nut, you need to crack it to eat it’s content and it’s simply delicious. The only setback is that the seed is pretty hard to crack, therefore patience is needed.

Like nuts, every mouth of dabai is precious to me. Firstly, it’s only found in Sarawak therefore it’s very rare for us here in Peninsular and secondly, it’s seasonal, therefore I will only get to eat the fruit if I go to Sarawak at the right time of the year.

Thanks to Siaw Wee, I got to taste dabai again hahaha

Anger Management Needed....

Somebody was angry at me, and she refused to talk to me. I was unaware that she was angry at me, I only felt that she was behaving weirdly, never had I suspected that the culprit was me.

Her friend told me why she was angry at me; I was shock to know the reason. I thought only primary school girls had such tempers. I could not believe my ears. I had no reason to feel sorry or guilty for making her angry as I did not see myself doing anything wrong. Even her clique of friends laugh at her reason yet she stays firm with her decision to be angry.

Her anger towards me has grown to be stronger. She rebels against me and it hurts. I don’t know how to respond. I love her, but I’m hurt. Her rebellious ways is like a disease, it is eating into others and I have to put a stop to it. How am I going to do it? I really don’t know…..pride and stubbornness, one of the most challenging characteristics to deal with.

When two or three are gathered.....

I have mixed feelings over tonight’s dinner. I roasted a chicken tonight together with the usual potato and green peas with salad. My main dish, the chicken was not as tasty as I expected it to be. Perhaps I did not put enough “kayu manis” that’s why it was not good enough.

Nevertheless, I found today’s dinner pretty much significant. My guests were students from different cliques and they came together as one to enjoy this meal. There was Isaac, a student whom I got to know better when Cibol was the KLCC President, then there was Raphael, the backbone behind CSS Uniten, a very old friend of mine since CSS days, there was Fiona, the present KLCC president, Dora my ex-housemate and CSSUPM member, Siaw Wee XHRC resident and of course Marcos also XHRC resident from Myanmar. Though everyone did not know everyone too well, we managed to enjoy each other’s company and our meal lasted for 1 ½ hours.

Food was not great but company was wonderful, and I was a happy girl alright. I guess these are the things I’m gonna miss when I go back to Penang.

(My guests for dinner and the menu)

Lets Bake It!

I am still coughing, I don’t like it, it hurts my throat and it’s definitely very irritating to cough a lot. My consolation is that I got an oven. Leslie took it from home for me to use. So yesterday Isaac (my baking partner) and I decided to bake cakes. He baked a Chocolate Cake of which we named “Shitty Shit” and I baked “Sugee Suzy”. It was actually a pretty tiring evening for both of us as we had a long day with the CSS MSU+PTPL students.

Isaac’s “Shitty Shit” was not too difficult to bake as he bought the instant cake mix from the supermarket. It was so easy to prepare. All he had to do was to add eggs into the cake mix and mix it well. He did it so quickly that I did not even get to see him do it.

While we waited for his cake to bake in the oven, I did “Sugee Suzy”. Sugee Suzy needed a lot more effort. 1stly, we had to weigh the ingredients, then to cream the butter, sugar and sugee before we left it to stand for one hour. While waiting, I got Fiona to beat the egg whites till it was stiff (it was definitely not easy so much so that I think Fiona will think twice before she tries to bake). After that, we added the egg whites, with egg yolks, brandy (yes the essential ingredient), flour and vanilla.

We finished baking at nearly 12 midnight. Isaac’s “shitty shit” tasted not too bad. I have yet to taste Sugee Suzy but I suspect it’s a little bit too sweet. Anyway, Sugee Suzy has been given to Suzy (yes I named the cake after her), Isaac and Carol as Christmas present I hope they like it.

(Isaac drooling over his invention and "Sugee Suzy")

Tip..tap..tay

It’s been raining all day
I sit and listen to the raindrops fall
Tip…tap…tay…tip…tap…tay
I wondered if you’d call.

I miss you
I miss your presence
I miss your voice
I miss you being here

It’s still raining
Raindrops still falling
Tip…tap…tay…tip…tap…tay
Will you call?
I hope you will

Going nuts

I go crazy over nuts and only those who know me well will know it. If you want me to like a fruit cake, it must have nuts, chocolates with nuts makes me happy, cakes with lots of almonds satisfy me and oh yes, ice creams with nutty toppings delights me.

My only problem is that, this nut business is a little bit expensive to maintain. The average price for a packet of 120gram mixed nuts is around RM 7.50. And because of this, I need to abstain from eating it. Every bite that I get on a nut becomes so precious.

Leslie knows that I love nuts though he might not understand why. Each time we do grocery shopping, I’ll go to the nut section to check out the price, hoping for some special promotion to take place.

This morning, when he came over, he handed me a very unattractive plastic bag. I asked him what it was and he said it was food lorr. When I opened it, I could not believe my eyes, 2 packets of mixed nuts, just for me. HE BOUGHT ME NUTS! Leslie bought me nuts! Unbelievable, ghee…I feel loved…….I am still sick, but I could not resist it, I’ve opened one packet already and yes, I’m rationing my intake of these nuts, so that I won’t finish them too soon. Hahahaha!

Now how do I like my nuts? Well….firstly, I like it pure, unsalted and FRESH! I also like nuts that are still unopened, still in it’s shell. Cracking nuts and eating it with some good company is definitely a great way to pastime.

(Just for me hehehehehe)

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Eeeeyeeerrrrrr

I am sick, was the BBQ the culprit? Well I doubt it. It all started with sore throat on Tuesday, followed by a slight hint of fever on Wednesday. I did not really bother to do anything about it as I thought it was not serious. On Thursday, I realized that I was really getting sick; I felt dizzy on my way to work and did not have the appetite to eat anything. In the evenings around 6pm, I’ll have some rashes on my arms and legs and I found it simply disturbing, especially to have the rashes. So this morning, I decided to go to the doctor, reasons were simple, I was very much disturbed by the rashes and I did not want to spend the last few weeks in KL sick.
The doctor gave me the usual medication and I went back home. She told me that the rash I had was due to heat, nothing to worry about. I tried to rest but could not, so I decided to settle some unfinished paperwork, much to my horror, red spots (not so little this time) begin to appear on my arms. Red spots all over my body …… eyeeerrrr …….. geli …….. wild thoughts rushed into my head, what the hell is this? Am I getting Chicken pox? Measles? ....Monster used to tease me that I had the rashes because I was dirty and or because I’m having STD and it irritates me, to think that I’m dirty.

I rushed myself to the clinic, went to the doctor to show her my rashes. She smiled and gave me assurance that it’s just a common rash, probably because I was exposed to something that I was allergic to. I’m still having that rash and I find it so irritating….lets pray that it disappears by this evening. Other then the rashes, I feel perfectly normal except for the flu that I’m having. Please let me get well fast, there’s so much I want to do before 20th December!

(my disgusting rash)

Neighbours

Fleeeng....fleeeing.....fleeeeg.......the sound of blades hitting the concrete woke me up this morning. I looked out my window and I saw our neighbour sharpening her chopper in the garden.

Though I was a bit annoyed that the noise she made woke me up, I felt at home. The lady reminded me of my mom. Like that lady, my mom used to sharpen her kitchen knifes in the garden, and yes she did make those annoying noise. I have never communicated with this neighbour across the street but I am happy that they are my neighbour. They remind me of my family and yes the aroma that comes from their kitchen really makes me think of home

All of a sudden, I miss home......I miss my neighbourhood.......

(our lady neighbour in action)

Leaving KL

Br. Sebastian had insisted that he should take me out for a meal before I leave. So last night, we went out for a meal together, just the two of us. We went to "South Pacific" a chinese shop in PJ New Town. Brother told me to order whatever I wanted but I opted for their signature dish which was the "Seafood Yee Mee" and it was muy rica, Brother himself was surprised that it tasted so good. His appetite was good and we ordered another plate of noodle, "fried glass noodle" which was also tasty. After dinner, Brother insisted that we go for dessert, so we ended up having A & W Float.

It was a pretty pleasant outing for me and I thought it was a very sweet gesture for him to bring me out. I feel being loved and I thank Brother for making my evening delightful in the most simplest way.

I'll be leaving KL soon in 2 weeks time. I'm going home for Christmas and won't be coming back to stay in KL anymore. I am looking forward to going back home though i cannot deny that I am going to miss many things in KL especially friends.

Having stayed in KL since 2001, KL has become my home. Most of my close friends live in KL and i really wonder if I'm going to be bored when i go back to Penang. I cannot deny that I'm scared of what lies ahead for me in Penang. I'm uncertain about my future and my career, dreaming is easy but making my dream come true is going to be pretty much challenging. I'm hoping for the best when I return to my family and I really do need change my ways if I want to have a bright future. Pray that I will do the right things in life.

(my farewell cake at ASAYO)

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Pain

A very dear friend of mine was in town tonight. It has been sometime since I last saw this friend whom I miss very much. I had looked forward to meeting this friend, but timing was just not right. I was occupied with something else, helping another friend out.

I don’t know if my friend was expecting to see me, neither would I know if this friend was disappointed as much as I was for not meeting up. I’m just feeling sad tonight because I missed meeting this friend. I could have met this friend if I had put in a little extra effort to manage my time but I did not. I assumed that time would wait and that I could steal an opportunity or two to catch up with this dear friend. My assumption failed me and I did not manage to meet my friend and I am disappointed. I am frustrated with myself that I did not appreciate the opportunities that I had. I never learn from my past mistakes and I always take things for granted. I procrastinate, confident that time and opportunities will always wait for me. I do care very much for my friend, but my bad habits overwhelm me. I succumb to procrastination just because I don’t feel like doing it at this moment and at this hour because I am not in the mood, sometimes because the task is challenging and I want to avoid it, sometimes its because I need to protect my pride therefore I choose to procrastinate.

Today, I missed the boat and I’m sad. My time is limited, every hour is precious and yet I wasted an opportunity tonight. My heart aches.

Happy Birthday

Today my friend celebrates her 22nd Birthday. I’ve only known her for like seven months and yet she is like a little sister to me. I am happy when she is around and dearly misses her in her absence.

It’s amusing how we can get along when our personalities are different. She likes those noisy praise and worship and boy band songs but I can’t seem to appreciate it. She has the ability to buy the whole Mid Valley back home but I can’t. I appreciate literature but she has no patience with it, I love oldies and sentimental songs but those things bore her terribly, I like meat but she likes vegetables more.

Even so, ironically, when we are together, we talk about almost everything that is under the sun. I guess I enjoy her company because of her honesty. She complains when she wants to. Nobody tells me that I’m long winded but she does, nobody tells me that my choice of music is dull but she does, nobody tells me that I’m boring but she does. And I appreciate her for her honesty because she helps me to see life in a different perspective. She helps me to understand her (though it’s really not easy).

Dear Ms Hong, thank you so much for your friendship, thank you for touching my life, thank you for the breakfasts (lovely sandwiches) and dinners (especially pastas) you shared with me, thank you for listening to me even though sometimes you don’t understand what I’m going through, thank you for being yourself when you are with me, and most of all, thank you for visiting in the evenings, for being a brat, a pests and a little sister.

Some people come into our lives for a reason and some for a season, I wonder which one are you.

The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship.
It is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when she discovers that someone else believes in her and is willing to trust her with her friendship

~Emerson~

(Miss Hong, Isaac and myself having a funny time)