Friday, June 20, 2008

Nightmare

I had a nightmare last night, no it was not what you or my students would imagine. I was not chased by a ghost or some wild animal. I dreamed of my father being physically strong and highly active, but with the mind of an Alzheimer patient (which is what he is experiencing at the moment). My dream started off with him doing some gardening in our garden, removing all the plants, throwing away the things that were important to the house and leaving behind what was not necessary. After that, he walked out of our compound without our knowledge. We had to comb through the streets to look for him and when he came back, he turned our kitchen upside down by putting inappropriate things there.
The dream was so real. It was pretty much disturbing for dad is beginning to show signs and symptoms of what I had described earlier about my dream. The only difference is that he has never done all the three things I mentioned together. He has walked out of the hospital ward before without our knowledge, he has placed inappropriate things in places before and yes he has pulled out plants from the garden before. But all of these took place at a different time. I can’t imagine myself coping with him if he were to do it all spontaneously at the same time. It would be my nightmare turned reality.
At the moment, I’m reading a book written by a lady who suffered from Alzheimer disease. She wrote the book at the early stage of her disease while her mental state of mind was still stable. It’s a good book but very emotional. As I read the book, I felt as if God is trying to tell me what papa is going through, asking me to be patient towards him, to understand his condition. Alzheimer is one of the worst disease one could ever ask for. There is no cure for it neither can it be controlled. What leads to Alzheimer disease? I don’t know but I sure hope that papa will be the only and the last person I ever know who has this disease. No one deserves to suffer this way.

4 comments:

Chris Wee SJ said...

Your fear has to manifest itself. Dream may be a dream shelved for many of us after we awake but it was there to tell us what we are afraid of. Good for you to do that homework to read up. And yes, time is not on our side to be ready only when we finished the book but the everyday experience is what you have, to learn each day, that it will be your most memorable experience in life, undesirable though it may be.

jennvaz said...

My cousin who helps me care for my parents tell me that I dream of such things because I think too much. In one way she is right, the dream came right after my dad pulled all the vegetable plants out of my little vegetable garden. I was really upset about it that evening, and that very night, I dreamt of this happening.

I'm not grateful that my dad has dimentia, but I have learned to accept it. Everyday is a growing experience for me. I noticed my own reactions and behaviour towards him. It tells alot about my own personality and my fears.

Janice said...

I understand your fear, for I'm in similar situation. Yet I'm selfish and weak, I often just ranaway from the problem. Sometimes I just don't know how to face these.
You are tough, Jenn. But you need more courage, more faith to walk this path. It's truly not easy.

Anonymous said...

sorry to hear about that DREAM.

i think you did mention once that papa had dementia. I have heard and read that dementia would eventually lead to Alzheimer's if not controlled. And to make it a little bad on your side, Eurasians or Caucasians are more prone to this disease than Asians.

this disease comes about if you are physically not active. this is because brain cells cannot divide like other body cells if your body is not active, and of course, with age it gets bad.


one other way of keeping tract of papa would be talking to him a lot and perhaps make him do some simple mathematics everyday. and it would be good to make a note for him on what he should do.

i dont think papa's problem is that bad. There is still hope. but just a little check, what was he doing post retirement? if he was not working, then this could bne the onset of the disease.

this is a little advise to youngsters like you and me and fr chris. Exercise daily, a week's exercise should at least account to 3 hrs and not less. do lots of walking, and gradually increase the speed and the distance covered as well. it has been known that walking is the best exercise compared to jogging. if you have a treadmill would be very good.

next thing, you should think a lot. try this out, read something the night before and see how much facts can you remember the next day. to help start off with a good head, every morning, before you go to work, do a light excercise (warm up)is sufficient and then do some maths (maybe 5 questions). it would be good it you could do some ADD Maths.

next, "brain tonic". Have lots of fruit juices minus the sugar and lots of fresh, green veges. Cod liver oil is very good. for meat consumption, take lots of marine fish which is rich with DHA and EPA which you wont find in plants. Please eliminante coffee and tea by all means, go for milk. Even chocolate drinks are not that good.

Lastly, make sure you are always tension-free. I do know there alwyas problems that crowd your mind, but try to be more relaxed and find ways to expel or settle them as soon as possible. Dont carry too much of problems on your little shoulder, laugh it off and give it Jesus to carry it for you. the best way to relax your worrying mind is to get a really hilarious movie and laugh your heart out. You may still feel worried and tensed but you dont know what wonders it had actually done to your mind.

lastly, take good care of papa.


P.S:I have attached a site where, there is a pdf you can download to know more abt the disease.

http://www.alz.org/alzheimers_disease_what_is_alzheimers.asp#brain

do write in more often about pap's condition.