I suffer from low self esteem, I think very little of myself and I tend to belittle myself very often. I feel inferior when I’m with people. I knew I had this problem, and I accepted it as normal. I lived with it until I came here. I realized that it was not normal and that I was slowly killing my own spirit if I continue living like that, leaving myself at the risk of falling into depression.Whenever I meet new people, I expect them not to think highly of me. I always feel that these people have friends who are way better than me and that they are just being kind to me. I hardly express myself and is extremely careful with my actions and words so much so that there is no avenue for people to know me better.
I started to behave like this when I lived with my sister many years ago. She is thirteen years older than I am and I used to tag along in their social outings. I saw myself as a nobody in the midst of those adults. In no position to give any opinion because, to me, those adults were professionals and there was nothing I could offer them. The feeling of being small eventually sipped into my blood and became a habit which I carried with me till today.
I see myself inferior even when I’m with kids. Kids here are very friendly, they talk to you as if they’ve known you for years. I had difficulty responding to their friendliness and I see this as a major problem. How am I to communicate with the world when I can’t even handle a little kid. Gheez…I really don’t like this behavior of mine. I think I have a communication crisis here, I’m scared to open my mouth, most of the time I mumble and my head is blank most of the time because I don’t know how to respond to the friendliness of the people around me. I feel like an antisocial!
( I have no problems with him though)
3 comments:
You are who you are...so be yourself. If others have a problem with that, then they are the ones with the problem. Never pretend to be who u are not to try and please others!!!! Everyone is beautiful inside, so let it come shining through!...That's how I feel and how I live my life. Hope it helps.
Thank you for the assurance, however it's going to take time for me to overcome that kind of mentality. I've been practicing myself a few times here, I've been put into situations where I don't have a choice here. People are so friendly and I realize that by clinging on to my habit I'm actually rude therefore I make it a point to at least smile and ignore those negative perceptions I have in my head.
hmm.. Jenn, can relate to how you feel.. usually when feel down and bad, or feel inferior, i'll usually say some words like 'screw it la!'.. 'i don't give a damn.', or just scream it in my heart or literally.. ARGHHHHHH... dear God get it out of my system please...
i take these 'bad days', low self-esteem days as part of life. it usually comes and then go..
it didn't come easy ler, like you, i had chronic self-esteem issue in the past.. blame it on the school system in m'sia..
Jenn, you're taking the step to change by realising that low self-esteem is not normal. :) and writing about it is also another step.. it shows you're courageous to show who you are.. and that it is okay that you feel the way you feel.. :)
Btw, God loves you just the way you are.. you're special and unique in your own ways. Don't let anything tell you otherwise!! :)
Mary
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