L-O-V-E

I love you very much, I love you so much, and oh I love you so much that I can’t imagine spending a day without you.

Love, such and interesting word that is associated with like and yet can be expressed differently in different instances to different individuals. To some people, L-O-V-E is such an easy to use word; they can say I love you day in and day out. Some reserve it only for their special someone, some can say it to any friend while some have never even uttered I love you to anyone in their whole entire life.

Maybe I am conservative and full of pride. I actually find it very hard to say I love you to people especially when I have to look into their eyes. Somehow smses or written messages seem to be the easier method for me to express myself. I think until today, I have yet to say I love you to my parents neither have I uttered the love word to Leslie or have even uttered a single word that is close to love or brings the similar meaning to the word love to someone. As much as I want to hold hands or give a good warm hug, there is this fear within me that prevents me from doing so. I usually avoid or do it so fast that there is no time for the other party to feel my warmth.

Having lived in Malaysia all my life, I am confident that I am not the only one who suffers from this disability to express my feelings towards another being. My parents have never told me that they loved me neither has any person told me straight into my face that they love me and yet I know that I am being loved.

I love you Jennifer has never been uttered by any of my parents but I know that they love me. If it wasn’t for love, papa would not have given mummy 90% of his salary to spend on running the household. Papa would not have bothered to pick me up from school whenever the public bus failed to come. Mummy would not have gone hunting for good tuition teachers for my sake. She would not have spent her time staying at home to look unto our well beings. She would not have bothered to earn some extra income for the family to spend.

My Aunt Matty and Aunt Mary never told us that they loved us. They scolded us most of the time instead. But then again, if they had not loved us, they would not have picked us up in Aunt Matty’s old Opel early every Sunday morning for mass. Aunt Matty would not have had You Moh (the servant) to cook for us various types of delicious curry every week and Aunt Mary would not have bothered to give us RM 5 each (during those days, it was 5 Ringgit) every month as pocket money.


My friends think it’s gross and disgusting to say I love you. Some say I love you is strictly to be used by lovers only while others, like me, are not comfortable using it. Even so, love dwells between me and my friends. If they had not loved me, they would not have tolerated my annoying behaviors, they would not have remembered to buy me something whenever they went for holidays, they would not have gone out of the way to comfort me whenever I am down, they would not have bothered to sacrifice the things that they really want to have because of me. What more to share the joyful and sad moments in life with me.

To me, to be able to show love is more important than saying I love you. However, I do look forward for the day to come when I can look into a person’s eye and tell them that I loved them for I believe that expressing our feelings to another person is a form of affirmation to the other person that they are being loved.

We can’t really expect people to be as thick skinned as I am to convince themselves that they are being loved can we?

I guess some of you will now be wondering how do I show my love to people huh? Well, if you have been loved by me before, I’m sure you will already know how is it like rite? Hahaha…..

(my dad and sisters with their babies)