I am feeling a little miserable. My students are having a 15mark test this week and I am trying my best to cover all the grammars that will be tested. It is a lot to cover actually. I find it redundant if I were to rush through the syllabus, achieving my personal responsibility of having covered what is to be tested while many of them fail to understand fully and apply the correct use of grammar in the language.
As I sit in front of my computer, I am trying to work out notes on prepositions and pronouns. I’m trying to make it as straightforward and simple as possible but it does not seem to be that easy. I have checked out some reference books and found out that the explanations are complicated at times and sometimes I wonder if my students were to depend on those books for referencing, will they actually learn anything? I’m not trying to belittle my students but I find notes with too many words difficult to digest at times. They are not straight to the point. The more the explanation is, the more confusing it becomes.
Many students study English like how they study other subjects. They memorize the grammar rules but fail to apply them in their daily use of the language. Sometimes I feel like banging my head against the wall when I see them repeat the same mistake over and over again even though I constantly remind them of the tenses. Many of them tend to be much more concern about the formulas and stick rigidly to it. They are not stupid, many are just too scared to be adventurous in using the language. The rule has become their sense of security. Often they tell me that English is so difficult and complicating. When asked if they actually read anything in English, they nod their head to say of course, they read their text books. I may be sarcastic but I always tell my students that, even if they were to record my lessons and view them over and over again, their English may not improve much for the only way for them to improve in English is through reading and speaking it constantly.
I’m feeling anxious at the moment. I can actually use old notes to teach them like how some teachers do but I know if I do that, my own personal sense of satisfaction is not going to be there and I will always feel that the note is incomplete. My notes have to synchronize with my style of teaching but argh! I’m brain dead at the moment. Frustrated!
Each time I view through the syllabus, I wished that I was teaching in a school for it gives me ample time to teach and spend time with my students where else at tertiary level, I only have fourteen weeks with them and fourteen weeks are a very short time to actually improve one’s language skills. I know I am being emotional at the moment. These problems which seem to be big for now is not that big after all. All I need is a good sleep and hopefully when I wake up, I'll be inspired to finish up what I ought to complete.