To be honest, what happened to me on Monday did discourage me from being positive minded. I was exhausted, discouraged and miserable. I saw myself unworthy as a teacher. Being a person with low self esteem, I’ve always considered my level of English competency to be average. Therefore when I discovered that half of my class consisted of students who got A in their SPM English, I felt like running away from the class and shooting myself. To me, I was unworthy to be their teacher and of course I was afraid of embarrassing myself in their presence. As I drove home that day, I asked myself if I had taken the right path.
Perhaps it was God’s way of preparing me to be a better teacher. Fortunately for me, unlike the rest of my collogues, that Monday’s class was the only difficult class for me. My other collogues had more than one challenging class to deal with. I questioned God on Monday for putting me in such a difficult situation and dragged my feet to college the very next day, dreading to face the other classes for fear that the worst had yet to come.
Interestingly, I changed my approach towards my classes on Tuesday and I realized that things were not that dreadful after all, Wednesday improved and today, I faced that horrible class for the second time. Surprisingly, my fear towards my students disappeared, I did not see them as a threat anymore. I was relaxed in their midst and I honestly believed that God purposely put me in charge of that class for a reason. So that I may bug up and push myself a little harder in my new profession.