Serving others seems to be ideal. But then again, I think I have my limitations. To me, I think I can only serve others when I can cope with things. I can't serve others when I don't even have time for myself to do the necessary important matters. For me important matters include getting my own life in order, making sure that I don't have a pile of things waiting for me to clear. I don't want to be stressed out because I am constantly getting errants done leaving no time to relax and breathe. I enjoy certain moments when I can just lie on my bed and relax, not having to think of a single task.

Of late, relaxing has not been an option. I wake up in the morning with errants running in my head. I don't sleep well because I am constantly reminded that I have things to settle before I go to work. So I drag myself out from bed even though I still could do with some extra sleep and walk down the stairs to get what I have to do done. I try to enjoy whatever i am doing but then again, time does not wait. I realise that I'll be late for work if I do not hurry and suddenly, I feel pressured. And so, I rush to prepare for work and drive to work in a stress mode for fear that I won't be able to clock in on time. When I reach my work place, I breathe with a sigh of relieve, knowing that I made it on time. When I reach home after work, I can't afford to sit on the sofa because there's errants awaiting me. I have stopped enjoying the tv programmes because there's no time for it. When I get the errants done, it's already time to sleep. I feel as though I'm like a robot. A very task oriented one. And so I lack of emotions these days. I seldom sit down and look at the greens in the garden anymore.

So I often get irritated when people promise on my behalf that I can get certain things done. Because I don't think I am currently in a condition whereby i can be generous enough to run favours for others because I myself do not even have the time to get my own agendas done. TO add on, I am expecting a child and I want to prepare for the arrival of the child. I don't want to have a child in a messy environment whereby things are not in order and I end up feeling stressed, worst still, to have pre-natal depression. I plan to enjoy motherhood in a normal way and not have people sympathizing over my condition. The problem is, some people just are not sensitive enough to understand these concerns. Some people tend to see things in a very simple manner. Perhaps they lack exposure to realize that.