Today was my medical check up at the Klinik Kesihatan. I was initially worried as I thought I had gained more than 3 kg (as reported by the unreliable weighing scale at home). I was scolded by the nurse last month for the sudden weight gain and I was not looking forward to be scolded again this time. Thankfully, the scale at the clinic revealed that i had only gained 1 kg (pretty little for someone who is in her 3rd trimester).

The nurse told me that everything seemed normal and that my hemoglobin readings had improved. Hence, she encouraged me to stop the iron supplement (which i would gladly do due to 2 reasons. 1st. It did not taste nice and 2ndly i read that too much of Iron will lead to some side effects in health). As I'm now in my 3rd trimester, my check up at the clinic will be more regular. i will need to go for check up every once in two weeks and I now need to keep track of my baby's movement. So I need to carry my pink book with me all the time and make a tick whenever I feel the baby move. It's going to be a little troublesome but I believe I will soon get use to it. The nurse also told me that i need to increase my milk intake so that I will not get cramps on my leg in the night. She said those cramps are cause by the lack of calcium.

I am a fat expecting mother and I am overweight for sure. I am trying to push myself to do some exercise so that I will have the stamina to PUSH when it's time to deliver. Besides, I know what it feels like to grow up being fat, hence I don't want my child to go through what I went through during my teenage years. Now, I must control my weight and God willing, everything will be alright.

Serving others seems to be ideal. But then again, I think I have my limitations. To me, I think I can only serve others when I can cope with things. I can't serve others when I don't even have time for myself to do the necessary important matters. For me important matters include getting my own life in order, making sure that I don't have a pile of things waiting for me to clear. I don't want to be stressed out because I am constantly getting errants done leaving no time to relax and breathe. I enjoy certain moments when I can just lie on my bed and relax, not having to think of a single task.

Of late, relaxing has not been an option. I wake up in the morning with errants running in my head. I don't sleep well because I am constantly reminded that I have things to settle before I go to work. So I drag myself out from bed even though I still could do with some extra sleep and walk down the stairs to get what I have to do done. I try to enjoy whatever i am doing but then again, time does not wait. I realise that I'll be late for work if I do not hurry and suddenly, I feel pressured. And so, I rush to prepare for work and drive to work in a stress mode for fear that I won't be able to clock in on time. When I reach my work place, I breathe with a sigh of relieve, knowing that I made it on time. When I reach home after work, I can't afford to sit on the sofa because there's errants awaiting me. I have stopped enjoying the tv programmes because there's no time for it. When I get the errants done, it's already time to sleep. I feel as though I'm like a robot. A very task oriented one. And so I lack of emotions these days. I seldom sit down and look at the greens in the garden anymore.

So I often get irritated when people promise on my behalf that I can get certain things done. Because I don't think I am currently in a condition whereby i can be generous enough to run favours for others because I myself do not even have the time to get my own agendas done. TO add on, I am expecting a child and I want to prepare for the arrival of the child. I don't want to have a child in a messy environment whereby things are not in order and I end up feeling stressed, worst still, to have pre-natal depression. I plan to enjoy motherhood in a normal way and not have people sympathizing over my condition. The problem is, some people just are not sensitive enough to understand these concerns. Some people tend to see things in a very simple manner. Perhaps they lack exposure to realize that.

I lost my tooth today! I am saddened by the fact that I lost it. I was having massive pain on my upper right molar for 4 days and finally I had the time to see the dentist (Lee Fah) today. She took a look at my tooth and gave me a sympathetic look.
Lee Fah: "Jenn ah, your tooth has cracked. It's a very long crack. I think it's gone."
Me: "You mean I can't do anything about it anymore?"
Lee Fah:"I'm afraid so"
Me: "Are you saying I need to extract it?"

So, I got the very unexpected done today. I got my tooth extracted. Honestly, I thought the whole process was worse than what I went through when I extracted my wisdom tooth. i think she took almost 15 minutes to get it done. Reason being, my tooth broke into 3! That shows how bad the crack was. I don't like the fact that I don't have a perfect set of teeth anymore. I don't like the fact that I am going to get an artificial tooth. I also don't like the fact that I'll be spending a bomb on my tooth next year. My other concern was that this whole dental adventure may have a effect on my pregnancy. I hope my child will not be effected. My upper right gum really hurts right now and I cannot take any pain killer other than panadol.

After leaving the clinic, I went to Tesco to do buy some grocery. The experience was HORRIBLE. It was a MISTAKE to go there. While I was getting some things, my gum started to hurt. I thought I could bear the pain so I just made it a point to get all that I wanted to buy as fast as I could. The pain got worse and I headed to the counter to pay (since I did not want my efforts to be wasted). Most of the counters were closed. I was unfortunate enough to Que behind this REALLY SLOW guy. He was REALLY SLOW and had so much to buy. He took his own sweet time to take the things out one by one from the very full cart and took his own sweet time to pack the goods and put them back in the cart. My gosh my patience was tested to the brim. Then suddenly, while I waited, I started to feel uncomfortable inside. I felt like vomiting and dizzy and I started to sweat. I really felt like sitting down on the floor but I told myself that I had gone this far hence I should finish my task. The feeling was horrible. I called Lee Fah to ask why I was feeling this way and she told me that I should have gone home straight to rest as I was expecting and it was natural that I would feel a little sick. Goodness me. It was Horrible......so today was a really bad day for me. I know everyone is sad about Steve Jobs' death for me but for now, I don't care because my gums hurt so badly.

After sending her to the airport about a month ago, we went to LCCT last night to pick Sokha. We waited for more than an hour only to discover that she did not board the plane. I was upset alright, but at the same time not surprised. After all that has happened for the past few months, we expected her to disappoint us in this manner. What made me angry was that she did not bother to even tell us that she did not want to return. We would have accepted it if she had just at least informed us. In fact, it was she who asked to come back and work. We were prepared to let her go and find another domestic helper. But she begged and said that she needed the money and asked us to keep her. So much for the crocodile tears and tales, she finally proved to me that I had not misjudged her.

The consequence of the event is that my mom is now partially neglected. She is left alone at home when we go to work. The good thing about my current job is that I work on shifts. Hence, I still can prepare her meals (most of the time) and leave it on the table for her so that she can help herself. This new arrangement is working but it is not a very good plan. Reason being I'll be delivering in 3 months time and I won't be able to be her caregiver during confinement as I myself will need assistance. The other problem is that we will have a baby in the house in three months time and the baby would need to be cared for. Hence, we would still need to find a caregiver that is able to do both. My mom for now actually still can clean and bathe on her own. Hence the helper's role is mainly to prepare her meals and make sure that she does not fall. Why are we adamant about getting a helper to be in the house? Because I think it saves cost and at the same time everyone can remain happy. I've observed nursing homes function and I've seen how overworked workers dump their stress on the occupants. I've heard of scary babysitters who neglect the child they have been paid to care for. Hence if we employ a caregiver to come and work at our home, we believe the person will do a better job and be happier. Besides, my mom will be able to also look out for her grandchild and make sure that its not being ill treated by the caregiver. The question now is, how do we find a solution within such a short period of time? As for Sokha, i think I would prefer to let her be history and not talk about her anymore because speaking of her will only upset us all.....