I've heard in the past that the soul of the deceased would return home on the 7th day after his death and that the chinese would place white powder on the floor so that they would know if their dearly departed did return. I thought about this belief when papa passed on and wondered if it was true. I also wondered if papa would go home to Penang or here in Shah Alam and my mom said 'of course here lah, there's no one at home in Penang, there's no point for him to go there.
So I got a little anxious after papa's seventh day prayers. I wondered if papa would appear in my dreams and he did not. Instead, I slept more soundly than I usually did and did not even know that Leslie had left for work. Mom told me the following day that papa did come home and she said that there was a lot of people gathering around his bed. I asked her if she saw papa and she said she did not and that the people were blocking her view. I got a little skeptical towards mom's statement. Besides, she also said that she saw one of my brother-in-law among the crowd. My brother-in-law is still alive and thus I concluded that mom was just dreaming.

Yesterday was the 9th day after papa's death. while we were preparing dinner, Sokha confessed that she saw papa early in the morning at 1 am and she ran back to the room. According to her, she was awaken by mom's snoring. It sounded like how papa used to snore and she walked out to check on him, forgetting that he had already passed on. As she walked towards papa's bed, she came to her senses that papa had passed on. Much to her surprise, she saw papa washing his hands and wiping them like how he used to while he was still physically able and he had that cheeky smile on his face. She turned and walked quickly back to her room. She said papa looked happy but it terrified her to see what she saw. Was she dreaming? Only Sokha knows.

While we listened to her, a little florescent green praying mantis rested on the table. It hopped all over me. We tried to take a picture of it but it was blurry. This little praying mantis hopped around on Mary and Leslie too for more than three hours. It was still in the house, resting on the sofa when I went to sleep at around 12. I joked and said maybe it was a symbol of papa and I was scolded for being rude. Nevertheless, that insect amused me because I've never seen an insect behave the way that praying mantis did. It was just too active. I am not saying that the praying mantis was papa, it's such a coincidence to have this insect come during this period of time.

I do miss papa. From time to time, I will shed tears when I think of him. I understand now what is it like to mourn. I'm not sad that he has died. I just miss him.