I'm in my sixth month of pregnancy and I experienced a sudden weight gain. It is actually pretty disturbing. What did I do wrong? I can't figure out an accurate answer. Is it the cakes that I've been eating? The extra slices of bread I had for breakfast? The brown rice that we are now eating? Sigh......it's disturbing. I seldom take supper unless when I'm working. That too, i only take snacks and not heavy meals. The nurse has instructed that I take another glucose test which I took this morning. The experience was horrible. I had to fast and drink a glass full of very thick syrup (so thick that it was a little bitter) and wait for two hours without consuming any water or food before I had my blood drawn to test if I was diabetic. I will not know the results until my next medical appointment which is 3 weeks from now. I am worried that I will have diabetes because that will lead to many other risk for myself as well as the baby. The constant heartburn continues from time to time. I've searched for remedies but there seem to be none as the solutions that are available are not appropriate for pregnant women.
Today, while waiting in clinic, the nurse shared with us about birth control. The government is advocating healthy pregnancies and is highly recommending that women space out their pregnancies by at least two years. The nurse shared with us on family planning methods and to be honest, none of the suggested methods were useful for me as it is wrong for Catholics to use them. Among the suggestions were the use of condoms, birth control pills, vasectomy, birth control implant.....just to name a few. Two things ran in my head as I listened. Firstly, i felt disgusted when some shared on the different options. Some shared about what they do to prevent pregnancies. They were honest and open but I felt it was inappropriate to share such a personal encounter with strangers. Secondly, how about Catholics who are not aware of the Church's teachings? I'm sure they would listen and accept all the method's that is being suggested and practice them. Would that not be a sin then? Before we dismissed, the nurse reminded us to discuss with our husbands on which birth control method to opt for. I was truly uncomfortable. Don't i want to have a healthy pregnancy and remain free from all the unwanted aches and pains at the later years of my life? of course I do. But then again, I've been taught that it is wrong to do what I was taught to do at the clinic this morning. Why didn't the nurse teach us about the family planning method that's being promoted by the Church? Getting pregnant to be honest has made me see life very differently. I believe once the child comes, Leslie will also see a lot of changes take place in his life too. Lets pray and hope that the changes will lead us to grow in a positive manner.

I read a note on a friend's facebook yesterday stating that she has been diagnosed with cancer. I am still in a state of shock over what i read. I laid in bed last night thinking over her situation. She is married with two very young kids. I wondered how did her husband accept the news. As far as I'm concern, he loves her deeply and i'm very positive that this news really breaks his heart. How is he going to cope looking after the two kids while my friend undergoes her treatment? They just recently bought a landed property and are still paying for the loan. It must be a very difficult period for this family. I tried to figure out the cause of the cancer but it just did not make sense. My friend leads a very healthy lifestyle. They don't smoke and don't drink. In fact, my friend is a health freak. She exercises A LOT and is always careful with her diet. Yet she has cancer. How could this be? I'm shocked by what is happening to my friend, it also serves as a reminder to us that cancer can just hit anybody, without any signs and symptoms, even when we try our best to be healthy. Scary isn't it?

Recently, someone seems to be giving me cold shoulders. This person is a new friend. I had not met her for a few days and suddenly after she returns, she begins to give me cold shoulders and I don't even know why. Did I do anything wrong? I hardly speak to that person and only say hi and bye and yet I'm receiving cold treatment from this person. What did I do wrong I wonder. Gheez..... people are really weird. As I grow older, I tend to meet really weird people around.........don't they feel miserable this way?

According to the pink book, I am 24 weeks pregnant. Why am I not confident to declare the age of my pregnancy? It is because I lost count of my last menstrual cycle and thus the doctors are unable to accurately confirm the age of my fetus. The pink book is a record of my pregnancy. It carries the details throughout my pregnancy. Every expecting mother who seeks treatment at the government's health clinic will be very familiar with this pink book which looks like an exercise book. It is an essential item to carry with us whenever we see our doctors.

Unlike most of my peers, I think I've been pretty lucky. I do not suffer from much complications throughout this pregnancy. So far, I've not vomited. I have other symptoms and discomforts but I think compared to other expecting mothers, mine is rather minor. Recently, I've been experiencing heart burns. I feel discomfort below my chest, the websites on the Internet tells that this is a normal experience for mothers who are moving towards the end of their second trimester. I do not have cravings but I'm gaining weight pretty rapidly, around 2 Kg per month. It is actually pretty disturbing as I do not want to be obese again.

Am I ready for motherhood? Not really. In fact, I cannot imagine what lies ahead. I don't know if Leslie is ready as well. It sounds simple enough and most of my friends have gone through it but then again, are we ready to sacrifice the freedom that we currently have for the little one that is expected to arrive in January? I don't know. I also am not sure if our finances are sufficient to lead a comfortable life after the little one comes. But then again, I'm sure we are financially better off then many other poor people out there and they seem to be coping well with parenthood, so I guess we should be able to pull through, unless....we start comparing ourselves with other people who seem to be able to afford everything under the sun.

At 24 weeks, how is my baby? Well according to books and websites, it already has all the vital organs and has a 40% survival chance if it is born. It can hear and function like a human and even pee but its skin is still delicate. It's starting to require more calcium and I must make sure that I have enough so that it won't need to share the calcium needed for my body. Am I excited? Well...OF COURSE!!!

After papa passed on, my communication with our domestic helper started to deteriorate. She started to show signs of dishonesty. I discovered this because my working hours were inconsistent and she was not aware of it. Sometimes when I returned home, she was not in the house. I also learnt that she bought herself a cellular phone from another domestic helper living in the same neighbourhood. When I confronted her over the matter, she lied to cover her act. I was shocked and disappointed because all these while, we had praised her for her honesty. I don't know what happened. I don't know if someone had approached her while we were at work and influenced her or she was finally being herself, to be brave enough to reveal her true colours. We began to notice that she lied a lot and often denied her actions.

Today, my neighbour's domestic helper came over to talk to me. I do not know her intentions. I don't know if she came over to speak to me in order to protect herself or because she was sincere and wanted to help. She told me that our domestic helper has been communicating with another person living in the neighbourhood. She told me that our girl had been using her trips to buy bread as an excuse because she always went another direction instead of walking towards the shop. She said the girl has been buying phone cards from the other person and has been making friends with other domestic helpers in the area. (I am not surprise because I notice that she often gets food from others whom she claims to be neighbors)

I am actually not surprise with all that I heard but I felt really disappointed. I felt disappointed because she had promised us that she would not do things that would jeopardize our trust towards her again.

Earlier this month, after making a phone call back to her hometown, she told us that she had family problems and wanted to return to Cambodia. We decided to let her go on the condition that we find a replacement before she leaves. I am currently searching for a replacement and it has been a very challenging task for me. Firstly, it is very costly to bring in a maid these days regardless of their nationality. It costs between 11 - 13 thousand just to bring them in. The salary of the domestic helpers now range between 650 - 1200 ringgit. Having lived with one for 3 years now, I realized that there are many factors which I need to consider when choosing a maid as well. Since I am currently expecting, I need to consider the safety of my infant under the care of the maid while I am away. I need to make sure that she is hygienic and is not reckless. I also need to make sure that the maid is patient with my mother and knows how to cope with my mom. It sounds as though as I am looking for a perfect maid but then again, I think these factors are really important factors, I am going to put the lives of two very important people in the hands of this person whom I am going to employ and I must make sure that they will be cared for.

Do we judge our parents too much? Some of us now live with aging parents who need extra care. No doubt, some parents can be naughty and do things that cause them to deteorate but then again, are we depriving them of their own personal freedom when we supervise them too much? Why do we bother so much. Is it because we really love them or is it because we do not want them to cause further inconvenience in our lives? I think some of us complain do much. We say that they are not helping themselves, they spend too much time watching tv, they are wasting their life away...so on and so forth but then again, how much effort are we putting in to make their life better? Do we even spend at least an hour a day with them? Do we talk to them? I think some of us are getting a little too big headed because we seem to be more educated then our parents. We think we are cleaverer than them. So we become bossy when caring for them. Perhaps it is time for us to reflect on our sincerity.

I've heard of her name a few times in the past. She made some statements on the judicial system and the human rights issues. She spoke up for those who could not defend themselves. I always saw her as someone who was just doing her job right and nothing more. She was one of those who often made statements which I would agree upon. Yet, despite all, I only saw her as another ordinary woman who was doing things right. Uncorrupted but nothing spectacular. Recently, this lady made headlines. She became a household name all of a sudden. She became someone whom many Malaysians knew. Some people see her as a heroine while others see her as a threat, a villain. To me, Dato' Ambiga Sreenevasan is someone who is just doing her job right, fighting for a cause which she believes it. The recent bersih 2.0 incident however made a little switch in my perception towards her, from nothing spectacular to someone impressive. I am impressed by her courage to be adamant in pursuing something which she truly believes in. I do not know if her determination was politically motivated or not but I am amazed by the energy this woman has. She was threatened, called names and yet she stood firm in her mission. Did she not fear death? Did she not worry about her own safety and also the safety of her loved ones? I hope I have the courage that she has someday, to be brave enough to stand up for something that I believe in.

I am expecting my first child. It is a wonderful experience. Of course everyone is excited and I'm glad that they are happy for me. Concerns are being shown upon me, especially on my diet and my health. Every mother would want their child to be born healthy, and of course she would do her utmost best to do things right so that the little one arrives healthily into this world. What frustrates me is that I have certain individuals who try contribute too much in this pregnancy. They tell me to eat things which they think is good for me. I have only ONE stomach and I can only eat this much. Besides, the tongue is mine and there are things which I get tired of eating. The doctor has warned me against taking too much herbs and so has other people, but some people still won't listen and overdo things. Why is it that they don't trust me to look after myself? Why do they want to be stubborn and force me to follow their way when the pregnancy is mine? I am grateful for their concerns but I want to have my say too. I want to have a choice in what I eat. I know how much my body can take, why can't they just leave me alone? I am frustrated because it involves money too and I don't like wastage.

Looking at the traffic and chaos happening out there, I am grateful that I was given three days off from work. I did not request for the off day but somehow, my boss arranged for me to be off. Whatever it is, I am grateful. Honestly, I do not see the need for such road blocks to take place in the city. How can one identify a potential demonstrator on the eve of a demonstration? Do they paint their face yellow or shout slogans on the street to identify themselves? Why must the rakyat have to go through the roadblocks and be stranded in the jams? What is the purpose of such enforcement? There is only 1 reason why I do not want to go near the city tomorrow and that is because I fear the enforcement. I am worried that I may be injured in the situation should things get rough. I fear the water cannons and tear gas, I fear a possible stamped, I fear the safety of the child I am carrying in my womb. I feel all these enforcement is only increasing the rakyat's frustration. Some people may blame the organizers of the rally for initiating the event and cause their routine to be disrupted but I think what the administration is doing is a presentation of its fear. I feel the administration is being defensive and not open to listen to the voice of the rakyat. To listen to their frustration and disappointment, to accept that there is a weakness in the current administration and further improve for the people's sake. The leader of the rally is a learned lady. She shows no signs of violence. Her fellow organizers are respectful people in society, they I believe do not carry weapons. Why then should the administration fear them? Perhaps listening to their words of wisdom may bring the nation to a greater level of success?

The most interesting thing happened to me at work today. A colleague who is not well liked by others actually saved my day at the very last minute. Ever since I came to the editor's desk, everyone has been nice to me except for her. For the last 3 weeks, I found her to be anti-social and mysterious. She hardly spoke to anyone and she always kept to herself, keeping her work very much to herself and never really shared anything with anyone even when she was supposed to. Fellow colleagues often complained that it was difficult to work with her due to this attitude. However, what happened today seems to tell me that I should give her a second chance and try to understand her. There was an error in our duty roster and I had to take up the duty of the editor who was absent. All this while, I had worked under a senior editor. However, today's situation required me to work alone and take charge of two news sessions. As I had never done that duty at all before, I struggled and almost could not finish on time, all of a sudden she approached me and offered to help out. She corrected my errors and even contributed some stories. She was so helpful and it actually took me some time to recover and accept her assistance. I am shocked by what she did and I think her actions actually changed our relationship. She smiled for the first time and she bade us goodbye before she left. I am still puzzled by wha happen and I do not know if she will smile at me when I see her again the next day, but what i know is that today's experience tells me that she can be nice, if I play the cards right with her and maybe I can help to make her more approachable at work in the future.

It's been 4 days since I moved to the editor's desk. The experience has been facinating. I am amazed by how fellow editors manage to produce news for airing every hour. I must admit that I have much to learn. The only downside which I don't really like about my work is that I have to come in at very odd hours. Sometimes I have to work overnight, sometimes I have to start work at 4am in the morning. The working hours are odd and I wonder if I am able to cope with it. I look forward to gaining experience and producing news which I can be proud of.

A few days ago, I lost my patience towards some people because of time. The people who were supposed to replace my night duty came in half an hour late. I was frustrated. I was exhausted and had a whole list of things waiting to be done yet, I had to delay my plans because they were late. To add salt to the wound, they were my friends, so I lost my temper and I did not react positively when they walked into the room. I was upset and I wanted to send the message across and I burst. Obviously, my friends were shocked. I guess they did not expect that to come from me.
Although I knew they were wrong to be late, I was disturbed by the way I had reacted. I somehow had a sense of guilt. I felt guilty of showing my frustration. Till now, I still feel guilty for bursting. I have not met those friends yet and I don't know if they are upset with me or not but I feel uncomfortable that I let it happen.
It is a culture at my workplace for people at my work place to walk into the office late. The culture started because people were assigned to duties that were out of their shift hours. Hence, the department heads allowed the flexibility to happen. However, some people have taken this flexibility for granted, they come in late because they had personal matters to settle. As the number of staffs in our office is big, their lateness do not affect their fellow colleagues during the normal shifts, sadly, some of them carry this lateness with them when they are on night and morning shifts whereby there is only 1 person on duty and the person needs to wait for them to come before they leave the office so that the office is not left unattended. I was told this morning by a fellow colleague that there are some people who came in 2 hours late for their duty and caused other people to wait for them without having any sense of guilt. How could people do such things? I just cannot understand. Even if our colleagues are not punctual, does it mean we have to be like them?

My phone rang twice this morning. It was rare for this friend to call at such an odd hour. Besides, she was not one of those who would call as she preferred to SMS. I tried to call back but no one answered the call. I felt a little uncomfortable. Two hours later, my phone rang again. My heart beat faster when i discovered that the person over the phone was not my friend. I embraced myself for the bad news. My friend Wei Ming had passed on. She died yesterday after a fall in the bathroom. She was recovering from a surgery. My heart sank.

Many questions rushed into my head. WHY? HOW? HOW COME? How did she feel during the last moments of her life? How about her aging parents? She was their only child, who would take care of them? I felt emptiness all of a sudden. I felt like crying but no tears flowed......... Wei Ming was my friend since 14. She was a simple girl and was carefree. I never felt stress whenever I was with her. I could talk about anything under the sun and she would listen. I remember her especially for her laughter. It was so easy to make her laugh. She laughed at almost everything even when we talked about serious matters. Being simple minded, Wei Ming never furthered her studies after form 5. She was not a slow learner. She just did not see the need to further her studies to obtain better qualifications. She was contented with her surroundings so much so that she did not switch jobs at all. She worked as a cashier at the bowling alley for almost thirteen years from the day she left school until the day she died. Despite not earning much, Wei Ming was always generous. She always paid for my food whenever we ate at her workplace. She was the cashier, thus she always paid before I could even ask the waitress for the bill. Sometimes she even paid for one or two of my bowling games, telling me to just keep quiet and enjoy the game because I do not have the priviledge of getting a discount.

Wei Ming's passing is a loss for me. I have loss a dear friend whom I was always comfortable with. I am going to miss her. It hurts to be unable to see her for the last time, to bid her farewell. It hurts to know that I was never by her side when she was sick, it hurts to know that I was not a good friend. I felt the pain when the caller told me that Wei Ming's mother insisted that I was informed of her death as I was her good friend. Rest in Peace Wei Ming. Until we meet again.......

History repeated again today and I just could not believe that what happened did happen. This time however, things are slightly different. Somebody actually said that I made a statement which I did not make at all.

I remembered sharing with a colleague on how I would approach unfriendly colleagues if I ever encountered with one. I did not specifically mention any names neither did I say that I disliked anybody in the office. To me, it was merely a general sharing on how to deal with office politics.

Today, a junior colleague approached me and asked me if I told that particular colleague that I disliked some people in the office. I was surprised. This junior colleague told me that that person told her that I disliked some senior staff in the office. I was disappointed and stunned at the same time. I had trusted that colleague so much and felt so comfortable speaking to her. Now, I realize that she cannot be trusted. Besides, I never told her neither did I tell anyone that I disliked anybody in the office. I sincerely hope that this is happening due to miscommunication as both of us are more comfortable using different languages. Maybe she misunderstood me. Nevertheless, once bitten twice shy, perhaps I really need to just shut up and focus on getting my work done.

I got a chance to speak to Dato' Dr. Jimmy Choo today. It was an interesting experience. My colleague was so excited when she got a glimpse of him, I however was less enthusiastic. Yet, I think I should thank my colleague for her enthusiasm otherwise, I would not have gotten the opportunity to speak to him and shake his hand. Despite his fame, I have to say that I am inspired by his humility. He was so approachable and willing to help. Speaking to him today tells me that success is not that difficult to achieve, all we need is the right attitude.

I walked into the office yesterday and was rudely shocked by what was being reported in a reknown daily. My colleages were discussing about it and I felt totally uncomfortable with what I heard. I being a minority opted to keep my opinions to myself but deep within me, I was upset by what was written in the paper. I was dissapointed that the daily could make such a bold statement and yet get away with it. How can we allow such reporting to be done in our country? How could a reporter write an article based on an assumption and not the truth? Will action be taken against the reporter and the newspaper for propagating false belief and hatred? I pray for justice to be done.

I followed the Sarawak Elections with great interest and I secretly supported a particular party. My observation also made me see how some people cheated in gaining the people's support. Although I am married to a Sarawakian, I do not think I am in the right position to announce my opinion towards the outcome of the elections. I have not stayed in the state long enough to really judge its leadership. All I can say is that the lives of the Sarawakians could be better.

I read today's paper with great interest and one victory which captured my attention was Baru Bian's victory. I only knew who Baru Bian was after reading the articles today. Prior to this, all I knew about Baru Bian was that he was the opposition coalition's choice of Chief Minister should they topple the state government. Today, I discovered about his deeds, I learnt how he helped to natives to fight for their land. To me, his victory is most deserving.

Although the Opposition Coalition failed to deny the Barisan Coalition of the 2/3 majority, I think DAP did really well in this election. Yet, one question that I ask is if the candidates representing DAP really had the credibility to win. Did they win because they were really capable or did they win because the citizens in their constituency was so fed-up with the present government that they just wanted someone else to win. THe candidates who represented DAP were those who were only in their 20's with not much experience, yet they won their seats with big majorities. Did the elders vote for them because they have seen them in action and really trusted their capability? I wonder.

If the opposition wants to win the trust of the people, they must start working hard now. The opposition needs more Baru Bians who would serve the people CONSISTENTLY with great sincerity. There's a lot to be done in Sarawak, hence there should be no excuse for future want to be leaders to say that they were not given enough opportunities to help to build the state.

Sarawak is a beautiful state, rich in nature and culture yet there are many who live in poverty. Some are contented with life while many are struggling to survive. Some have left the state for greener pastures elsewhere. I hope the elected leaders will sustain and preserve the natural beauty of the state and work on improving the economy of the state.

It's been a long time since I wrote in this blog. Many things have happened yet I hardly shared anything here. I sometimes ask myself where has my enthusiasm gone to? Is facebook ruining my life? I think it is, yet, I cannot resist it and I succumb to the temptations found in facebook.

I'm currently adjusting to a new environment. I started my second part-time job a week ago and am still adjusting to it. I find myself exhausted at the end of the day and I wish I did not have to mark anymore essays. What to do? I live in KL, things are expensive here and we are just starting to build a family and there's extra expenditure involved, thus, I need to force myself to do a little more to contribute my part and lighten my husband's financial burden.

I find my new job interesting and I can sense that I will eventually find fulfilment in it. I was recruited to be a radio news editor but since I lack in experience, they have assigned me to be a news reporter for the time being. I follow senior reporters to functions and events and learn how to write a news report for the event. It looks easy but for a beginner like me, the task is not that easy as I'm not familiar with the reporting language. However, the enthusiasm which I see in my colleagues motivates me. I see fulfilment in their faces whenever they hear their reports being read in the news. I seek to achieve that kind of fulfilment someday although I do not plan to retire as a reporter. I still want to be a news editor. I'm glad that I'm taking this new challenge =)

It's been 24 days since papa left us and life is back to how it was before papa's passing. The only difference is that there are now four people in the house instead of five and that papa's bed is no longer in the common area of the house. Despite his absence, papa is constantly in my head. I think for as long as I continue to live in this house, I will continue to think of him every day. I don't know why but sometimes I still shed tears whenever I think of him. For example, I went to TM today to end papa's telephone subscription and much to my own surprise, I had difficulty telling the girl over the counter that papa had died. I managed to hold back my tears but I was taken aback by my own emotions. I felt my nose wet as I wrote a letter to papa's 96 year old friend, informing him about papa's passing. It was just out of my control and I cannot explain why.

TO be honest, I was not emotionally close to papa when he was sick. I did not now how to communicate with him. In fact, our relationship had already become distanced ever since I left home to further my studies. By the time I moved home to stay with my parents, papa was already diagnosed with Dementia. Thus I never really had any heart to heart talk with him, our communication was not enough to create any form of emotional attachment. Yet, I'm experiencing this and I cannot explain why.

On the other hand, mom seems to handle his passing very well. She seemed so relaxed these days. She sleeps well and laughs more. I know what I'm about to say is merely an assumption and may not be true but I believe that God brought papa to Shah Alam so that mom would get adjusted to her new living environment first. I doubt mom would have been this calm if papa had left her while we were still in Penang. Well, God always works in mysterious ways and many things that happen in our life often has its reasons and only God knows why they happen.

A tribute to Papa from a Neighbor

I will always remember Uncle Peter a kind man - calm, soft spoken and warm-hearted. His kindness and your mom's hospitality always made your home a place where your friends feel welcomed.

His kindness (of giving me many song tapes) allowed me to enjoy numerous beautiful hymns and songs of praise, ...not to mention the many times when he and your mum allowed me to play the piano forte in your home when I still could not afford a piano.Thinking back, I greatly appreciate all your tolerance of me for 'polluting' your sense of hearing. :P

I could still remembered him riding his 'lau yar' motorbike with either your mum, or one of you sitting on the pillion behind passing by my house...

And how I enjoyed his hospitality during Christmas, the BEC gatherings and many other occassions.

Oh yes, I will not forget the good old Uncle Peter.

Both he and your mum have brought you up well and turned you guys into fine persons.