After papa passed on, my communication with our domestic helper started to deteriorate. She started to show signs of dishonesty. I discovered this because my working hours were inconsistent and she was not aware of it. Sometimes when I returned home, she was not in the house. I also learnt that she bought herself a cellular phone from another domestic helper living in the same neighbourhood. When I confronted her over the matter, she lied to cover her act. I was shocked and disappointed because all these while, we had praised her for her honesty. I don't know what happened. I don't know if someone had approached her while we were at work and influenced her or she was finally being herself, to be brave enough to reveal her true colours. We began to notice that she lied a lot and often denied her actions.

Today, my neighbour's domestic helper came over to talk to me. I do not know her intentions. I don't know if she came over to speak to me in order to protect herself or because she was sincere and wanted to help. She told me that our domestic helper has been communicating with another person living in the neighbourhood. She told me that our girl had been using her trips to buy bread as an excuse because she always went another direction instead of walking towards the shop. She said the girl has been buying phone cards from the other person and has been making friends with other domestic helpers in the area. (I am not surprise because I notice that she often gets food from others whom she claims to be neighbors)

I am actually not surprise with all that I heard but I felt really disappointed. I felt disappointed because she had promised us that she would not do things that would jeopardize our trust towards her again.

Earlier this month, after making a phone call back to her hometown, she told us that she had family problems and wanted to return to Cambodia. We decided to let her go on the condition that we find a replacement before she leaves. I am currently searching for a replacement and it has been a very challenging task for me. Firstly, it is very costly to bring in a maid these days regardless of their nationality. It costs between 11 - 13 thousand just to bring them in. The salary of the domestic helpers now range between 650 - 1200 ringgit. Having lived with one for 3 years now, I realized that there are many factors which I need to consider when choosing a maid as well. Since I am currently expecting, I need to consider the safety of my infant under the care of the maid while I am away. I need to make sure that she is hygienic and is not reckless. I also need to make sure that the maid is patient with my mother and knows how to cope with my mom. It sounds as though as I am looking for a perfect maid but then again, I think these factors are really important factors, I am going to put the lives of two very important people in the hands of this person whom I am going to employ and I must make sure that they will be cared for.

Do we judge our parents too much? Some of us now live with aging parents who need extra care. No doubt, some parents can be naughty and do things that cause them to deteorate but then again, are we depriving them of their own personal freedom when we supervise them too much? Why do we bother so much. Is it because we really love them or is it because we do not want them to cause further inconvenience in our lives? I think some of us complain do much. We say that they are not helping themselves, they spend too much time watching tv, they are wasting their life away...so on and so forth but then again, how much effort are we putting in to make their life better? Do we even spend at least an hour a day with them? Do we talk to them? I think some of us are getting a little too big headed because we seem to be more educated then our parents. We think we are cleaverer than them. So we become bossy when caring for them. Perhaps it is time for us to reflect on our sincerity.

I've heard of her name a few times in the past. She made some statements on the judicial system and the human rights issues. She spoke up for those who could not defend themselves. I always saw her as someone who was just doing her job right and nothing more. She was one of those who often made statements which I would agree upon. Yet, despite all, I only saw her as another ordinary woman who was doing things right. Uncorrupted but nothing spectacular. Recently, this lady made headlines. She became a household name all of a sudden. She became someone whom many Malaysians knew. Some people see her as a heroine while others see her as a threat, a villain. To me, Dato' Ambiga Sreenevasan is someone who is just doing her job right, fighting for a cause which she believes it. The recent bersih 2.0 incident however made a little switch in my perception towards her, from nothing spectacular to someone impressive. I am impressed by her courage to be adamant in pursuing something which she truly believes in. I do not know if her determination was politically motivated or not but I am amazed by the energy this woman has. She was threatened, called names and yet she stood firm in her mission. Did she not fear death? Did she not worry about her own safety and also the safety of her loved ones? I hope I have the courage that she has someday, to be brave enough to stand up for something that I believe in.

I am expecting my first child. It is a wonderful experience. Of course everyone is excited and I'm glad that they are happy for me. Concerns are being shown upon me, especially on my diet and my health. Every mother would want their child to be born healthy, and of course she would do her utmost best to do things right so that the little one arrives healthily into this world. What frustrates me is that I have certain individuals who try contribute too much in this pregnancy. They tell me to eat things which they think is good for me. I have only ONE stomach and I can only eat this much. Besides, the tongue is mine and there are things which I get tired of eating. The doctor has warned me against taking too much herbs and so has other people, but some people still won't listen and overdo things. Why is it that they don't trust me to look after myself? Why do they want to be stubborn and force me to follow their way when the pregnancy is mine? I am grateful for their concerns but I want to have my say too. I want to have a choice in what I eat. I know how much my body can take, why can't they just leave me alone? I am frustrated because it involves money too and I don't like wastage.

Looking at the traffic and chaos happening out there, I am grateful that I was given three days off from work. I did not request for the off day but somehow, my boss arranged for me to be off. Whatever it is, I am grateful. Honestly, I do not see the need for such road blocks to take place in the city. How can one identify a potential demonstrator on the eve of a demonstration? Do they paint their face yellow or shout slogans on the street to identify themselves? Why must the rakyat have to go through the roadblocks and be stranded in the jams? What is the purpose of such enforcement? There is only 1 reason why I do not want to go near the city tomorrow and that is because I fear the enforcement. I am worried that I may be injured in the situation should things get rough. I fear the water cannons and tear gas, I fear a possible stamped, I fear the safety of the child I am carrying in my womb. I feel all these enforcement is only increasing the rakyat's frustration. Some people may blame the organizers of the rally for initiating the event and cause their routine to be disrupted but I think what the administration is doing is a presentation of its fear. I feel the administration is being defensive and not open to listen to the voice of the rakyat. To listen to their frustration and disappointment, to accept that there is a weakness in the current administration and further improve for the people's sake. The leader of the rally is a learned lady. She shows no signs of violence. Her fellow organizers are respectful people in society, they I believe do not carry weapons. Why then should the administration fear them? Perhaps listening to their words of wisdom may bring the nation to a greater level of success?