I'm now clearing my leave. I am pretty free. I now have time to do things that I want yet sometimes, I drag my feet to do the things that I have procrastinated for so long. I guess I have not done those things not because I was too busy but more because I did not want to do it. I feel lazy.

I am starting to be aware that I am wasting my youth away again. I don't like the idea that I have nothing to do. I hope to be occupied again, doing something that I enjoy. I look forward to the day I move to Shah Alam and be united with Leslie. I dislike waiting.

I don't know them but I'm sad that the murder took place. How could they be heartless and take away the lives of people? I watched the wife of one of the victims cry on TV, holding back her tears and breaking down as she cried 'What am I going to do? How am I going to raise our children without their father?' They slit his throat and also the three others' and burnt their bodies into ashes to destroy the evidence. The murderers were prominent lawyers who were respected by many for their community work. It is shocking that such a crime should take place in this country which we claim to be peaceful. The newspaper reported that the four whose ashes were found were not their first victims. Apparently, anyone who got into their way somehow just disappeared and never returned to their loved ones including an Indian national. I wonder how did they get away with the other murders? Did the police take the previous reports seriously prior to this case? It took a prominent public figure, a millionaire's disappearance to discover the evil acts of these murderers.
If this could happen to Kamarudin Shansudin, it could happen to anyone of us. His only fault was that he was at the wrong place, at the wrong time and that he worked for a millionaire who made a bad business deal. His wife will never know exactly what happened to him neither will she be able to see or even touch his face for one last time. All she can do is touch the dust of his remains.

Here are some safety tips for one's awareness
( from my email)
In daylight hours, refresh yourself of these things to do in an emergency situation...

1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do :
The elbow is the strongest point on your body.
If you are close enough to use it, do!

2.. Learned this from a tourist guide.
If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse,
DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM.
Toss it away from you.... Chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you, and he will go for the wallet/purse.
RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car,
kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy..
The driver won't see you, but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit
doing their chequebook, or making a list, etc.
(DON'T DO THIS!)
The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go.
AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR , LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE..

5. If someone is in the car with a gun to your head
DO NOT DRIVE OFF!
Instead gun the engine and speed into anything, wrecking the car.
Your Air Bag will save you.
If the person is in the back seat they will get the worst of it .
As soon as the car crashes bail out and run.
It is better than having them find your body in a remote location.

6. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:
A.) Be aware: look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor , and in the back eat
B.) If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.
C.) Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the passenger side... If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out.
IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)

7. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs.
Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot.
(This is especially true at NIGHT!)

8. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN!
The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; and even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN, Preferably in a zig -zag pattern!

9. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic:
STOP
It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked 'for help' into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted
his next victim.

10. Water scam!
If you wake up in the middle of the night to hear all your taps outside running or what you think is a burst pipe, DO NOT GO OUT TO INVESTIGATE! These people turn on all your
outside taps full ball so that you will go out to investigate and then attack.

Stay alert, keep safe, and look out for your neighbours!

Yesterday, again I caught a student cheating in the exam. Just for your information, I've never considered myself as a policewoman who goes around during examinations trying to catch and get hold of students who cheat. Whenever I invigilate, my priority is to make sure that students are not sitting for the wrong paper, they fill in the right details according to the instructions given and submit their answers before the exam is over and assist them should they need any help especially those first year students who are prone to experience exam jitters due to lack of experience. Some of you may think that it is unnecessary but trust me students always spring surprises. Some can sit in the exam hall and answer exam questions that are not meant for them and only realize it when the invigilators approach them. Some students fill in their friend's ID numbers and details instead of their own. Students are interestingly capable of making the most unimaginable mistakes so much so that as invigilators, we do our very best that such problems do not occur during examinations.

Yesterday, I saw a student referring to pocket size notes which she smuggled in for the examination. When I attempted to take the notes, she held my hand and begged me to give her a second chance. I could not look into her eyes as I reprimanded her. I felt bad. She gripped my hand tightly and told me to give her a chance. Her eyes turned red and I could see the tears coming as I pulled the notes out from her answer booklet. I was sorry that I had to do it. Before I pulled the notes out, I asked myself if I was doing the right thing. I felt so bad as I saw the tears coming. I was aware of the consequence that she may be expelled from the college if she is found to be guilty. I did not want to be the person who made it happen. I do not want her to remember for the rest of her life that I was the lecturer who caught her yet I had to do it. The students who sat near her knew what was happening, it was not just between the two of us anymore plus my own conscience will not free me. I called for another lecturer to help me pull the evidence out and she knew it was all over.

I felt bad over the whole incident. It was the same feeling I experienced when I caught a boy last year for cheating as well. I asked myself if I should have given her a second chance and after putting some thoughts I knew that I did nothing wrong. Firstly, I would never know if those tears that were shed by her were crocodile tears. I wouldn't know if she was sorry or not for what she had done. She could have been just trying her luck on my compassion plus if I did not take action she might just repeat this mistake again and think that she will always be able to get out of trouble again just by crying. She will never learn and may take rules for granted and might even commit offence that are worse in the future.

I was invigilating a group of students the other day. Since I was free and had nothing much to do, I observed the students I invigilated. It was their first paper, it was an English paper. They were weak at it and had trouble answering easy questions. I don't blame their lecturer for their weakness in the language. What could she do in 14 weeks? I looked at them and wondered if they had good or lousy English teachers back in school. The way some students answered the questions was as if English was a foreign language to them.
I remember asking my students once if they had taken English tuition during their school days and most of them said no. When asked why, most of them answered that they did not see it as a need because it did not really matter if they passed their English for SPM. Maths and BM were the more important subjects and thus the reason why they neglected their English.
I am determined to help students improve their English. I know I am not the best person around but I can see myself making a difference there. Shall I take the challenge when I move to KL? Shall I start giving secondary school kids English tuition instead of working full-time in a particular company? I am honestly all geared up to give it a try. I just don't know how to start.

I am offended, I was having my lunch and somebody named A approached me and thanked me for spreading rumours. It was an ugly suprise for I do not know that person well enough to be really bothered about her life at all. Before I left, she walked to my table again and thanked me again for spreading the rumours. It was obvious that she intended to send me a clear message.

I was shocked yet and annoyed at the same time. I looked at the person who was having lunch with me named B and I immediately knew how A thought that I was spreading the rumours because I remembered myself asking B a few months ago if A was dating a guy and I stopped there because B did not know the answer and it was not really important for me to know. Little did I know that B went to tell A that she heard from me that A was dating someone.

What annoys me further is to know that B whom I trust does not see that she instigated the misunderstanding that A has towards me because she did not phrase the words properly and made A believe that I had passed a rumour.I only asked a very simple question out of curiosity and now I'm being accused of spreading rumours of which I did not. B does not see it as a problem but to me it is a problem. To add on, it was 3 months ago when I asked that question and I have totally forgotten about this matter. If A had been upset, why did she not just approach me instead of remaining bitter for 3 months, thinking that I am spreading rumours about her?

I am unhappy, I just hope that there's no rumours saying that Jennifer says that so and so is dating........because I did not start it, I just asked if it was true and that has gotten me into trouble. Next time, I'll just mind my own business. Thank goodness I'm leaving!