What we read in the papers these days are so disturbing. Why do humans have to be so inhuman. We seem to be the most privileged of all the living creatures yet some humans are worst than animals. Why? Why do we have to be unkind? Why do we have to destroy the lives of others?

I used to think that all those terrible acts that we see on the screen are merely dramas but as I grow older and listen to people share, I realized that the lives of people I know are not much of a difference from the dramatic stories that I see on tv.

I know gossips are bad but of late, the gossips that I hear awaken me. These gossips actually tell me that I should appreciate and be thankful for the lovely people that come into my life, because there are many people out there who are living with people who are worst than monsters. I am thankful for my family, thankful for my husband, thankful for my colleagues, thankful for having good friends.

I am furious. First, the girl is an orphan. It is already sad that she does not have a family. To make it worst, her classmates raped her. Reading yesterday's news gave me the notion that she was raped by a classmate so I thought that boy was just sick and desperate (I'm not indicating that it was ok for him to rape her), however after I read today's news, my blood boiled. It was not one boy who raped her but many boys. They took turns to rape her. She is their classmate. Someone whom they sit with in class everyday and yet they did such a thing to her. How could they?
To add on, the incident took place in their classroom during recess. Where were the rest? What were others doing? Did anyone not sense anything even after it happened? This girl really needs help. If I were in her shoes, I might not be able to trust others again.
Oh, I forgot to mention, they even stuck a pencil inside her. I think these boys need to be canned. Since they are old enough to rape, I believe that they are old enough to be punished as well.

It is nice to have Brandy around. Of late, she has been trying to get my attention and sometimes I wish I could read her mind. A few days ago, as I was watching the television, Brandy sat at the middle of the living room and barked at me as if to ask me to give her some attention. I ignored her and she continued to bark until I put my hand out to ask her to come. She sat next to me and enjoyed a good pat. After a few minutes, I diverted my attention to the screen again. Brandy was not satisfied, she went to her original spot and barked at me again. I was irritate yet amused. I thought she was cute.

Brandy has been seeking my attention often these days. Sometimes, she will come and sit next to me or on my feet while I'm doing my household chores. It feels nice to be wanted even though Brandy is just a dog. I had many dogs before Brandy but none behaved like Brandy so I really wonder if it is natural for dogs to behave this way. Nevertheless, I love my dog. She is a good companion.

I wonder how life is going to be when we begin to live together. I believe I will continue to wonder until the day comes.



Both of us are currently living apart due to our current situation. I do not like the current arrangement but our current condition does not really allow us to stay together. We need to be realistic and therefore we are not rushing into the idea of staying together though we do not wish to prolong our current condition. Everyday, I pray that this separation will not last.



The common question that people ask us these days is 'How is married life'? Often I wonder what they are referring to. Nevertheless I would say that married life has actually brought us much closer to each other. It was after marriage that I truly understood chastity and its importance. I am glad that I never tried to be intimate prior to our marriage. I was of course frustrated with the idea that he never held my hand while we were dating. I was frustrated because I thought that I was so unattractive so much so that he had no desire for me. Thankfully, things are different now and I actually enjoy the change.



Married life is beautiful, he accepts me as imperfect as I am and I do not need to pretend and wear a mask in his presence. I dare to discuss my insecurities with him and this is one of my new experience as a married person.

I had a lovely time at NAAB restaurant at Bukit Bintang with four of Leslie's Iranian friends. They had requested that we as the newly wedded husband and wife have dinner with them. According to them, it was a culture for family members to treat the newly wedded to a dinner and they decided to do the same to us. I thought it was a very thoughtful act. Besides a photo frame, they also gave us (me especially) a box of nuts. They stressed to Leslie that it was for his wife and not so much for him. I was impressed as Leslie only mentioned to them once two years ago that I loved nuts and they remembered till today.

I've never sat at the same table with Iranians before and it was really pleasant. I learnt about the Iranian culture as well as a little bit of the world history and of course the Iranian dishes were delicious. They were cooked using my favourite ingredients namely, lamb, herbs and spices, olive, olive oil, yogurt and nuts. It was a lovely evening indeed and I was a contented lady.

I got a message from a friend yesterday stating that her mom who was suffering from stomach cancer was very much in pain. I did not manage to reply her message. This morning, I got another message from her stating that her mum has passed on.

Being aware of her mother's condition, I had anticipated for this day to come. I'm sure my friend did too as she did share with me about her mother requesting to have her ashes placed in a certain place prior to her passing. Yet despite knowing all these, I am not sure of how I should console her. .......

I am anxious. I've been looking forward for this day to come. Tomorrow, I'm going to KL again, to meet my husband. I'm happy to be meeting him again after two weeks. It's interesting that I tend to miss him more after we got married though our daily routine is still very much the same as how it used to be.
Prior to the wedding, after we got registered through the civil registration, I found it very odd to tell people that Leslie is my husband but somehow right after the wedding mass, I had no problem addressing him as my husband. I wonder what made that change within me.
I'm going to KL, catching the earliest bus I can get after work. I look forward for tomorrow to come.

Last weekend, a friend broke the news to me that she broke up with her boyfriend of more than 4 years. I was taken aback. I do not really know how she feels about it as we communicated through sms but I am sure it's a heartbreaking situation for her. I did not try to probe further because we were only communicating through sms. I have always preferred to talk over such sensitive matters face to face as I think facial expressions are very important in such conversations. She volunteered further details by telling me that he had another girlfriend.

It felt terrible to know that this friend of mine is experiencing a breakup in a relationship. She is such a nice person, helpful, caring, capable and not materialistic. What quality did the other girl have that my friend did not have to the extend that he was willing to give up his long term relationship with my friend for another girl? I just could not understand.

When I shared the news with Leslie, ' aren't we both lucky people?' was his reply. I agree with him. I am lucky that despite the many weakness that I have and the imperfections of the family that I belong to, he still chose me as his wife.

What is fascinating about weddings is that it only happens once in your life and there is no practice or second chance in making it great. Despite all the preparation that is done, the outcome sometimes can be most unexpected.



I have to admit that I screwed up a little here and there prior and during the wedding and thus the wedding became less perfect and there are some things that I wished I had done during the wedding in order to make it perfect. Yet, despite the little faults that happened during the wedding, I have to admit and say that I was a happy bride and I could not ask others for more in order to make our wedding day special.



I am truly touched by the efforts made by many people. I thank my sisters for giving all they can give, I thank my friends for travelling the distance and providing all sorts of assistance, I thank all friends and also friends of my family, not forgetting relatives for contributing their time, generous 'Ang Pows' and for coming. I understood well that I was loved by many on my wedding day and I really do not know how to show my sincere appreciation to each and everyone of them. My maid of honor was the best MC I could ever ask for at my wedding dinner and so were the friends who sang at the dinner. Indeed we are a blessed couple and I pray that we can be life giving to others like how many of you were to us at our wedding.

Love
Leslie and Jenn

It's been 24 days since I became Mrs. Than and it feels good to be married. Things between the two of us have been smooth so far and to be honest, I did not expect it to be this great. Somehow, life after marriage seems to be even better than how it used to be before the wedding. What lies ahead is surely going to be interesting and I pray that we will always find joy in this marriage.

Am I trying to make a comeback? I'm not too sure. I find the comment by anonymous interesting. I wonder what he / she meant about the newer post being better because I hardly spent time on the things I wrote lately due to many reasons.

It's 6 days before my wedding and I'm not in my highest spirit. Too many things are happening. The wedding is not perfect and I do not expect it to be. I just hope things will run smoothly as planned and nobody does anything silly to ruin the celebration. Honestly, my major concern now is not on the wedding but more on what is happening at home. Dad's condition worsened lately and he is now bed bound. He cannot chew his food anymore and yesterday, my sister who is a nurse inserted the tube through his nose so that we could feed him using the tube.

A few month's ago, a nurse gave me a nose swap to check for H1N1 and it was a very painful experience for me. It was so painful that I got angry at the nurse for inflicting so much pain. Dad's tube insertion yesterday was worse than what I experienced. His tube was 10 times longer than the long cotton bud that the nurse put into my nose and my sister had to make sure that it reached dad's stomach and not the lungs so she actually had to take it in and out of him a few times. The tube remains in dad and I can imagine the discomfort that he is experiencing.

Dad now lies in the living room as it is more conducive for his condition while mum is not caring for her own well-being. I cannot understand her actions of late and this whole situation is giving me and my sisters stress.

It is 6 days to our wedding. The common question that people greet me with is 'Your wedding is drawing near, how do you feel'? Honestly, I am anxious yet am not at peace. Pray for us.

My student: Teacher, I had stomach edge (ache) yesterday, I went to the doctor but I did not know how to explain the pain. So I told her that my shit cannot come out. Can or not teacher? Right or not ah?

Myself: You mean constipation? You feel like you need to pass motion but it won't come out?

My student: Teacher, what is pass motion? I want to pangsai then my shit cannot come out, like that lo....

Myself: It is called constipation.



Next Class
Student: Teacher, I saw your body errr.....wah very sexy lo....
Myself: ??????I don't get what you mean.
Student: Yesterday I went to watch Jennifer's body. I like it so much teacher....
Myself: Owh, ok but that is not MY body, so how can you say you saw MY body?
Student: TEACHER WHY YOU WEAR SLIPPER TO CLASS!????
Myself: Speechless...
(Due to the leg pain I've been wearing socks and slippers in the staff room and I forgot to change) I got to go up and take my things.
Student: Take your time ah....we will wait for you ohhhh......


Sometimes, a little humor is needed to make life interesting. Have a nice day!

Since the wedding is drawing near, I decided to inform some friends ahead of time so that they would be able to block the dates and make it for the wedding. My heart broke when I read this reply from a friend.

"Hi, congratulations to you! I'm not sure if I can make it because I'm now looking after my mom. She met with an accident last December"

That message surprised me. I did not know that her mom had an accident and was actually bedridden. She can't talk or eat. Suddenly I felt grateful that despite the aches and pains that I have on my body, at least I am still able to do many things and still enjoy life despite the pain.

My concern is now real. I received my blood test result today and it is RHEUMATOID FACTOR POSITIVE. I have been referred to see a specialist. I'm upset. I remember Auntie Samson and I have always felt sad for her. For so many years, her husband and children had to lift her from the car and sit her near the church entrance because of Arthritis.
I'm not even married yet and I already have it. Why? I just cannot comprehend. Is this a wake up call for me to do the things I have failed to do all these years? That I should not take my life for granted anymore?

It's not gout! My blood tests results are out and my health condition is clean. So what's the problem? I really have no clue. 'Yau Kwai' told me that it could be because I lack certain nutrients in my body. I still have the joint pains. The medical officer gave me some vitamins and told me to see him again in 1 week if the pain is still there.....anyway, I'm glad it is not gout yet at the same time I hope it's not something worst.

Our newspaper man lost his home early this week when bulldozers came to clear Kampung Buah Pala. It is actually hard to believe that Kampung Buah Pala will never be what it used to be again. In fact, I wonder if Jalan Kaki Bukit too will still be there in years to come. Bukit Glugor will be different with that village gone.

Jalan Kaki Bukit is the steepest road in Bukit Glugor, it is almost impossible to cycle up the road as it is too steep. I always had a sense of achievement each time I successfully cycled up to the top of the road without having to push my bicycle. Going up and down that hill was like an adventure itself. It was dangerous yet thrilling. I will never ever be able to do that again because Jalan Kaki Bukit has been sealed by the developer who will soon build Oasis- Condominiums on that piece of land. I'm going to miss the cows and goats that moo as they pass by my house and the smell of their dungs too. Dogs in our area will not have dungs to roll onto and cows to bark at anymore.

It is so sad to see the change take place in our housing area IN THE NAME OF DEVELOPMENT. For who is the development for? I really wonder. How could that piece of land be sold when there were so many families dwelling in it? Machines are going to come in. Our roads are going to be damaged, there's going to be pollution in the air in our once peaceful little housing area of Bukit Glugor.......

Being the youngest in the family, I never had anyone younger in my family to care for. Therefore I sometimes treated my younger friends like brothers / sisters. Understanding a student's way of life, prompted me to spend on these friends whenever I felt I should. Some learnt to give in return in their very own way. "Yau Kwai" was one of those who often gave in return.

I call her "Yau Kwai" because that was what she used to address herself when talking to me. She was different from the rest. She had a lot to give and was often generous at least to me. I liked her, I was fond of her. To me, she was like a little sister. Automatically, I played the protective role in our friendship even though I did not have to and sometimes I go overboard, advising her when she did not need to be advised.

This weekend, she came over to spend a day with me. We had meals together and she paid for my meal for the very first time. Her reason was that she had received her paycheck and she wanted to give a treat. Today, 'Yau Kwai' is no more a student. She has graduated and is a government officer. In fact, she is earning more than I am. After she left, I realized that I should stop treating like a student. I should stop my protective behavior and respect her as an adult. It's going to take me a while to make that change but I should.

I'm done marking! I am so glad that I'm through with it.The past 8 days were terrible. I was tempted to fail many of them but at the same time I knew that making them repeat the paper would not help them to improve their English either. The results proved that we the educators were not miracle workers and that the fourteen weeks we had with them was not enough.

As I marked the written work, I noticed that students were very much alike in their thoughts. The storyline of their essays were very predictable. Where did they get their ideas from? The sample essays sold in the market? I understand that many have poor command in their language but I am disturbed that many of them lacked in ideas. They did not have logical reasoning in their points for essay.

I remembered myself sharing with my students on our Deputy Prime Minister- Tan Sri Dato' Haji Muhyiddin bin Mohd. Yassin once and my students asked me who was that. Surprised by that question I asked my students from other classes if they knew who this man was and only a handful of them told me that he is the Deputy Prime Minister. How could tertiary students not know who their Deputy Prime Minister was? In fact, what do they actually know?

I'm disturbed by it and at the same time keen to create some awareness within them....where do I begin?.....how to make them think and at the same time enjoy it?

I've been having massive pain on both my feet and sometimes my fingers. I believe the injury on both my hands and feet are similar yet I feel the pain more on my feet because I stand on my feet and my whole body weight is on it.

The pain irritates me as I have difficulty wearing shoes.I can hardly try on a new pair of shoes due to the pain. I can't walk fast and even struggle as I walk down the staircase. My movements are restricted and I am frustrated.

Today, I finally found time to go to the government hospital for a check up. The medical officer suspected that I have Gout and has requested that I go for a blood test.

How can I not be worried? I'm not yet even thirty, not yet even married, I don't even have any children yet and I have a great life ahead of me to enjoy and cherish. I can't afford to be mentally unfit. I still want my legs to carry me wherever i go. To be able to run, jump, walk and dance whenever I feel like it. I still want to cook and not feel any pain as I do the things I enjoy.

After spending so much time on the photo session it was natural that we felt anxious over the outcome. We headed to 'Blissful' again the following day to have a look at the outcome as well as to select the 20 photos for the album. It was a difficult task.

The photos turned out to be not too bad but we did not look perfect all the time. I was not fully pleased with the outdoor shots. I firmly believe that the photos could have been better if Chris and Ah Khoon had done more. Perhaps outdoor photo shoot is just not Ah Khoon's cup of tea as the studio shots looked so much better than the outdoor shots. I liked a few shots but sadly we could not have all the shots we really liked as we could only choose 20 pictures and we had to fulfill certain criteria. It was really painful to press the delete button sometimes but I guess we had to do it or else we would have to pay more.

So......our photo shoot is settled. Now we have to wait for the final outcome. Meanwhile, it's time to worry about the other matters, to continue planning for the wedding.