I remembered some time last year when I asked a guy friend for some files on his laptop. As he was transferring the files, I accidentally saw a folder. It was filled with pornography. He was shy when the file was exposed and quickly closed the window. A sudden sense of awkwardness sipped within me. I could not look into his eyes. I felt disgusted and angry and since that very day, I felt dry whenever I encountered him, I never looked at him the same way again.
We used to get along pretty well. Though he was not the kind of friend I would seek for heart to heart talk, he was a good companion. Someone whose company I enjoyed when playing games and doing other chores. I found it hard to face him ever since I discovered that he kept those files in his computer. I felt disappointed, I felt insecure.
To be honest, I despise pornography and I have difficulty accepting people who indulge in it. It is not art, it is lust. I feel that people who indulge in pornography has no sense of respect towards the opposite gender. How can one say that that he loves his partner if he finds delight watching another woman naked? How can he say he love his mother, wife and daughter if he finds delight watching the erotic moves of another woman and fantasizes himself in the picture?
To me, a man who indulges in pornography is no different to a man who visits a prostitute. I may be an old school but to me, the body is sacred and is not meant to be exploited and I will never ever give myself to another who cannot respect and appreciate me. To me, one of the most devastating thing in a relationship is to have a partner that finds delight feasting on another person’s flesh, to have no sense of respect towards the sacredness of his own body and also mine. To me, it is equally similar to him having a relationship with another woman and that is something which would hurt me terribly.
Likewise, I would never do such a thing to the man whom I respect.
Why am I writing this? Of late, I discovered that that guy friend whom I mentioned earlier is not the only person whom I know who indulges in it. I am terribly sad and disappointed with my discovery and I ask myself why. Honestly, sometimes I just want to cry. Why pornography when there are so many more better things to enjoy in life? Why behave like an animal when we have brains to think? Are we so hopeless?

6th May 08

Is it love when….

You don’t take responsibility towards your own doings because you know that someone else will always be there to wipe the mess you made?

You spend all your money gallivanting, enjoying all the entertainment the world has to offer, eating at famous restaurants and watching nice movies when your parents think twice even before they decide to eat KFC because they want to save enough so that there is enough for you to spend?

You work and earn just enough for your own expenses and not even share a little bit of your earnings with people who need your care most?

You point fingers accusing people for not being good enough when you yourself have not sat close enough to the accused to understand what they are going through?

You constantly send money home but has never sat down to have a heart to heart conversation with the people you send money to?

You never listen or accept what others have to say because it is troublesome and you’d rather have things your way?

Very often, many of us persecute others in a very subtle manner. We may not crucify them on the cross, or stone them to death but we kill their spirits with our word and actions, we neglect their needs because to us, those needs are not important enough. We kill their desires because to us, those dreams are too small for our efforts, we kill their self esteem because we always compare them with others.

Many of us are successful and popular in life, we have at least a degree and earn a generally good income. For the being that we are, how many of us actually deserve to be where we are today? If God were to make His graces and blessings on us as an investment, would He be laughing His way to the bank?

Somebody please explain....

What's with the "F" word, someone please explain it to me. It's so commonly used nowadays. Is it because it sound's cool? It sounds nice? I just don't understand. Most of the time, the use is grammatically incorrect plus if you match it with the meaning, it does not make any sense, for example:

" 'F***', he won't answer the call"
" That stupid shop is closed, 'WTF'"
" Your 'F*****' car...."

And the interesting part is that some people are so proud to use it that they say the word loud and clear, making sure that no one misses his statement, gheezzzzz........

Kesian?

After spending the whole afternoon baking cookies, Isaac, Pris and myself decided to go to Pasar Malam, since we had extra space in the car, we invited Joo Ming (he had been searching for companions to join him to pasar malams since last Thursday) and Siew Wen to join us.

While having our dinner at the "Medan Selera" 3 different beggars came at different instances to beg for money. I really felt uncomfortable each time they came. I don't believe in giving money to beggars but having them to stand by my side and watch me eat while I ignored them really made me feel guilty. Though I felt guilty, I could not find a good reason to why i should give them money.

As we walked along the pasar malam after dinner, we bumped into more beggars, some were crawling on the road even, I could easily say that there were at least 10 beggars in that pasar malam that night. I like the pasar malam at SS2 but sad to say, my encounter with the beggars really spoilt my little outing. It hurts me actually to see these people begging. I found it very disturbing to see so many people begging. Many questions pondered in my head. Among those are

1. Why do they have to beg when they can work and earn money?
2. Was it a syndicate that is controlling the beggars?
3. How do those who crawl on the street begging find courage to live on? in the 1st place, how did they find their way to the pasar malam?
4. If our country is developed, why then are there this much beggars on the street?