To the person who wrote this email,

Does writing and sending messages of this sort makes you any better than Ismail Ahmad? Think about it. Some of us are so busy criticizing others that we start behaving like those whom we criticize. In one way, I solute Ismail Ahmad because he is not a hypocrite. He may not be an ideal Malaysian but at least, he does not pretend and put up a show to make people believe that he is in solidarity with fellow Malaysians when he is not.

I don't know specifically who the author of this email is but I thought some people might have received it as well. I received an sms yesterday asking me to boycott certain petrol stations too and today's paper states that those petrol stations are not owned by Ismail.....so who do we believe? I say trust no rumours unless you know it is true.

Just to let you all know that the Shell Petrol station next to McDonald belonged to a Chinese. The Pukimak ISMAIL AHMAD's one is in front of GEMBIRA Complex at Island Glades opposite side of Lam Wah Ee Hospital.

What Pak Lah should do when he meets with this Ahamd fellow at 12.45pm today.
I like this..
1. Ask him to sit outside and wait. 2. Give him a cup with no water since this is Puasa Month. Maybe some artificial kuih to go with it. Protocol and decorum mah for visitors…3. Let him wait until 6pm. 4. Get the police and arrest him straight away without any explanations. What explanations some more. His actions speak louder than explanations. 5. Charge him under ISA, Sedition Act, Public Nuisance, Disturbance of peace. Put Ahmad into the jail and extend his arrest every two months like the Hindraf fellows. 6. Release the Hindraf detainees since the NO. 1 real enemies of the nation is now Ahamad. 7. Get the Zainal guy who tore up the photo of former CM of Penang to apologize and get him to print 100,000 copies of new CM, Lim Guan Eng. 8. Sack Ahamad from UMNO and buang him to the islands of Galapagos. 9. All his immediate family members sent to China to stay with the Chinese and learn some community skills of living in a multiracial society. 10. While in jail, get Ahmad to learn Mandarin, Tamil and maybe some Telugu.

Black Monday, Monday blues or whatever you call it is really hitting me hard. Got up on the wrong side of bed this morning and walking into a 70% full class did not help to make anything better.

"Why are your friends absent today?"
"I think they could not wake up, very sleepy lah teacher."
(deep within, I was like 'yeah rite, if I could, I'd love to be in bed too')

To make things worst, my 1pm class students told me that they will not be coming for my class because they need to pass up an assignment due tomorrow.
I can't believe it! They opt to skip my class because it's JUST English? Wait till they get their C in the final exam! No mercy will I show.....well....even if I wanted to I can't because their papers will be marked by other lecturers anyway.

ARGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Last Wednesday, my ex-classmates told me that they wanted to bring me out for dinner yesterday and I said ok. There was no follow-up after that. I was aware that it was meant to be my birthday treat, CK had made it clear that dinner was on him. But the problem was that he did not update me on the meet up. There was no mention on how, when and where to meet. I waited and waited for them to update me but nothing happened. I was too shy to sms him and ask if he was still taking me out for dinner so I let it be, accepting that he was probably joking.

I waited until 7pm for their sms and there was no news. Out of the blue, another ex-classmate asked if I'd like to have dinner with her and I agreed. At 7.30pm, I received CK's call, asking me if I wanted to meet him at the parking lot outside his house or at Gurney Drive itself.

I was speechless =.=!!! The group was waiting for me!

I felt guilty and stupid. Why did I not just call and ask if he was serious about the dinner? But then again, I'm not the kind of person who goes around asking people

"so are you still taking me out for dinner?"

Last night was a real lousy night for me. I felt so stupid. And to add salt to the wound, the parish priest paid a pastoral visit to my home yesterday evening and I WAS NOT HOME. I was not pre-warned about it. It was not a big deal but I think it would have been good to understand his intention of visiting our home, at least to have a conversation with him.

13Aug08 was a bad Wednesday!

Oh Malaysia

I am going home tomorrow to the place I belong.
To see the familiar faces of those I love and miss,
to lead a normal life once again.

The days spent here I shall miss,

the precious memories I cherish

The lessons learned, never be forgotten.

Scared? I am not,

Anxiousness is what I have.

With hope and dreams to achieve,

Malaysia here I come.

I am antisocial

I suffer from low self esteem, I think very little of myself and I tend to belittle myself very often. I feel inferior when I’m with people. I knew I had this problem, and I accepted it as normal. I lived with it until I came here. I realized that it was not normal and that I was slowly killing my own spirit if I continue living like that, leaving myself at the risk of falling into depression.
Whenever I meet new people, I expect them not to think highly of me. I always feel that these people have friends who are way better than me and that they are just being kind to me. I hardly express myself and is extremely careful with my actions and words so much so that there is no avenue for people to know me better.
I started to behave like this when I lived with my sister many years ago. She is thirteen years older than I am and I used to tag along in their social outings. I saw myself as a nobody in the midst of those adults. In no position to give any opinion because, to me, those adults were professionals and there was nothing I could offer them. The feeling of being small eventually sipped into my blood and became a habit which I carried with me till today.
I see myself inferior even when I’m with kids. Kids here are very friendly, they talk to you as if they’ve known you for years. I had difficulty responding to their friendliness and I see this as a major problem. How am I to communicate with the world when I can’t even handle a little kid. Gheez…I really don’t like this behavior of mine. I think I have a communication crisis here, I’m scared to open my mouth, most of the time I mumble and my head is blank most of the time because I don’t know how to respond to the friendliness of the people around me. I feel like an antisocial!

( I have no problems with him though)

Ferry no more?

"BUTTERWORTH: The Penang Port Sdn Bhd (PPSB) will scrap the vehicular ferry service between Penang island and Seberang Prai once the expansion of the Penang Bridge is completed in September next year.
PPSB chief operating officer Mohd Niana Merican Abd Kadir Merican said the remaining four vehicular-cum-passenger ferries would continue to operate despite suffering operating losses.
He said the company also planned to operate a speedboat ferry service as it was cheaper and efficient......."(the star online)

My hear sank when I read this news. The ferry has always been an icon of the state. I had loved that vehicle since I was a kid and it has left many fond memories. The idea of stopping it's services devastates me.
Penang is loosing it's authenticness in the name of development. I wonder if Penang can still be unique in ten years time?

Like you,
I too was a toddler,
I too was a child,
I too was a teenager,
I too am an adult,
I too will grow old.

Like you,
I too have a life to live,
I too have dreams and visions,
I too have likes and dislikes,
I too have feelings,
I too have emotions

You and I are no different,
We are human beings,
Perhaps our age gap is different,
But please,
Don’t belittle me.

(there is no relation between this post and yesterday's)

It's about Sex!

24th January 08

Journeying with students for 3 years, I have tolerated with many things. Like what Fr. Chris said in his blog, I never had the heart to scold the students even though there were moments when they deserved a good scolding. I hardly scold people actually except for family members and someone else of whom I shall not mention.

I never expected myself to scold anyone even after I left the Campus Ministry but today, I had to do it. Somebody of whom I've been helping asked me to have sex with him. Though I was shocked, I was sad. I was sad because he did not know how to think.

Where was his self-respect I wondered? I was shocked at how simple his mind was. Was he being naïve? Did he know what sex was all about? To strip oneself naked in front of a person you hardly knew and let the person touch your most precious body, I could never do that.
I was partially angry actually; I failed to teach him how to respect me. I saw myself as a failure because he saw me as a sex object instead of a guide. I tried to be understanding but deep inside, I felt like killing his most inspiring friends.

My 3 years experience as a campus minister was not enough to teach me to handle this situation well. To make things worst, I was the one who was involved. I tried to explain to him why I would never have sex with him but still he could not understand. I had no choice but to cut contacts with him. I am grateful that I now live in Penang and not in KL where he could come and disturb me.

This guy is not uneducated; he is well educated and will be a professional some day. Yet, his approach showed how immature he was. I could not help but wonder what kind of background he came from.

I don't 100% blame him for being what he is. I blame his surrounding, I blame his inspiring friends, I blame the system and the society for having failed to teach people basic human values. As for now, I'm still in shock and am confused.

Expressing myself

Expression has always been my major weakness. I fail to convey my feelings well. When I fail to hold my emotions, I end up being sacrastic in order to protect myself. Very often, I regret my actions but most of the time, I end up doing it again and again.

Jenn's current mood: Bittersweet

My apologies for my wicked remarks.

Foolish me

I sit
I wait
I wish
I hope
I dream

I want
I crave
I desire
I yearn
I long

Foolish me